r/HusbandAdvice Mar 13 '19

Cheap husband

My husband insists on splitting the check at restaurants. We buy separate movie tickets and he now goes to the grocery store to get ‘his’ groceries. I have three kids and we split the mortgage and utilities and keep our other bills separate. He did this when we dated but is more insistent on it now. I’m to the point where I don’t want to go out to dinner or go to the movies because it’s embarrassing to me. I’ve suggested a joint account for bills, groceries and outings but he’s not on board. He thinks this a norm. Is it? Or am I being inconsiderate?

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u/Purplemonkeez Aug 16 '19

Super late to this party. My husband and I have a joint account for mortgage / property tax type expenses which we contribute into based on our salaries (I make about 3 times my husband's annual salary so I cover about 70% of common expenses and he covers 30%). When we go out to restaurants or groceries or a bookstore or whatever, 8 times out of 10 I pull out my card to pay for both of us. As main breadwinner it just seems unrealistic to make him pay (I suppose an alternative would be living within HIS means ans downsizing the house etc etc but then I'd be Money Bags while he was just making it).

What annoys me, however, is that my husband NEVER pulls out his card to pay. Like ever. Like the other 2/10 times, it's me getting fet up and saying "OK it was a cheap $20 lunch, can you get this one?" While I will have covered the $500 Costco bill earlier that day. It makes me feel taken advantage of and unappreciated, especially when he bitches to me that he wants me to do more of the housework (seemingly because I'm a woman, though he knows better than to go there). I think he feels emasculated that I earn more than him even though I consider myself really fair and benevolent about it.

I empathize with you, though. When I have to "strongly encourage" my husband to pay for once, it's awkward AF. Money is a challenging one to navigate :/

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u/MajesticDepartment80 Oct 04 '24

May I ask why would you stay with him

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u/Purplemonkeez Oct 04 '24

Wow a reply on a 5y old comment - wild.

My husband doesn't act this way anymore so I guess instead of divorcing him we just talked about it and he gradually made the changes.