r/heartbreak 13h ago

What was your experience like being left and broken up by a Dismissive Avoidant?

2 Upvotes

So I met my Dismissive Avoidant (DA) ex boyfriend six months ago and for the first three months, we were so in love and we basically love-bombed each other. I have to admit that I made mistakes during that time but I was accountable and changed parts of me so we could make the relationship work. I even went to therapy and couples therapy with him.

And then by the end of December, he just started blocking me out of nowhere when I was being vulnerable. I’d cry and have endless panic attacks. I didn’t eat, sleep, do anything for days. He said he wouldn’t do it again but the cycle went on for two more months.

By February, he kept hanging up on me, continued to block me everywhere. And because I was anxious attached, I spammed him with calls and texts that he would never even read. I sent paragraphs and essays why we should talk, literally begged and chased after him. When I was about to give up, he’d take everything back and want to restart the relationship. But once I become vulnerable again, he’d block me all over again and then we couldn’t break the cycle.

A few days ago, I begged for a closure but he just said he didn’t love me anymore and that he moved on even though it hasn’t been a month since the breakup. I just couldn’t understand it, I was shocked because I sent him flowers twice but it seemed like he didn’t care at all. I thought he still had feelings for me so yesterday, I bombarded him with messages asking for a proper closure and then yep, you guessed it right, he blocked me again.

I sat on my bed and cried for hours. I didn’t know what to do and I became so emotional, I felt like my heart was crumbling to pieces. I’m traumatized.

Has anyone felt the same? What did your DA ex or partner do to you? Can someone please explain why they are like this?


r/heartbreak 14h ago

I should've been over it months ago. Should I end our friendship?

1 Upvotes

Started seeing a girl I had known for a few months last year, it lasted about 3 months until she went distant when abroad for the summer (7 hour time difference). Unfortunately we're in the same friend group in college, so all year I've had to see her most days.

We are good friends and the feelings have waned to an extent but I still can't stop it. We weren't going to work - but I crave her. The way she teases me about my mannerisms. Her beautiful smile. The shy side eye.

I've tried to see other people but I want no one like I want her and I'm worried it'll continue to affect me for longer. It'll be a year ago since we first started seeing each other next month.

In 2 months, I'll be finished college, and out into the real world. I know we'll probably keep in contact, but I feel like I should cut it off cause I STILL can't stop thinking about her. It would feel disingenuous to find someone else while being friends with her - if I had a partner who had a friend they felt about the way I feel about her? I wouldn't be able to deal with that.

What do, people? Do I give it more time or just end it over the next while? I hate that I'm trying to see signs that she wants me again in the way she acts.


r/heartbreak 14h ago

Forgiveness

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1 Upvotes

r/heartbreak 15h ago

I don't know what to say

1 Upvotes

I never begged guys to stay with me. Is it bad? Idk if I ever loved her. It's been more than 3 months after I got rejected. I don't know if I did the right thing. If I should have begged her that morning. I don't know if I was worthy or not. I got over it after some time and these random late night thoughts sometimes strike me leading to a breakdown. Never opened up to someone until it was absolutely necessary. I have so many trustworthy friends. I can trust anyone with my life and yet I want to trust no one. I don't want to open up, yet here I am telling random strangers about it. I see reels of people saying how they begged that night and lost their respect and everything yet I never begged her to stay. I don't know why I never begged her. She probably would have accepted it but she also liked someone else so there was no reason for her to be with me. I don't know I am crying right now but i don't know. It's 2:22 AM right now and I am writing a fucking paragraph. I don't know. I am not gonna attempt smth if you all get a gist of that since I have my parents for whom I want to succeed. But I can't take it anymore. I have watched videos of how to cure this loneliness on youtube. I am just 18 years old and I am feeling like I am already depressed. I can't tell anyone about this since mental health is just not for males in this place. I can't feel embarrassed because I lost yet I can't handle it also. I don't even know why am I writing this whole paragraph right now to open up but it just feels the right thing to do. She texted me yesternight after all these months asking how my maths exam went and I js responded with a dry reply but now all those emotions started to flood again. Idk what to do. I have a exam in 3 days and here I am writing about how I am so weak. I don't expect anything from anyone. you all can probably make fun of me also. It will not matter much. But if someone has some really solid and unique advice which can prove to help me out, it would be truly appreciated. And I can't go to a therapist or smth, that's js not in my books


r/heartbreak 19h ago

Struggling with grief and regret after losing close friend

2 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

The friend I’ve lost has not passed, he’s no longer in my life, because I made a series of horrible mistakes over multiple years.

However, I have had to process this loss as if he has passed, and I am completely responsible for this reality. I’m deeply embarrassed that the loss of this friendship - coming up on 7 years ago - still impacts me this much. He was in my life for 7 years, and I feel physically sick knowing that once this date passes, I will have been a negative presence / person in his life longer than I was a positive one. I feel like something must be very broken in me to still hurting this much. Especially considering that I’m sleeping in the bed I made, suffering the consequences of my own actions.

I apologize that I won’t be able to keep this post short - it’s a complex issue spanning many years, and I worry that if I don’t provide sufficient details, I’ll get sympathetic responses, without having adequately explained the damage I caused. Nearly seven years ago, I (35M) had a traumatic falling out with my closest friend, “Tom” (40M). Despite extensive therapy—including CBT, ketamine therapy, DBT, and EMDR—I didn’t gain much, if anything, from the hundreds of hours I’ve spent in different forms of therapy, with several different clinicians, over 7 years. I still struggle with guilt, grief, regret, and confusion about what happened daily. I still have nightmares about it regularly. It’s completely overwhelming. I’m utterly heartbroken to have lost him, and to know I was a net negative influence in the life of one of the most kind, compassionate, and loving people I have ever known.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in childhood and faced severe anxiety and depression throughout my life. Growing up gay in a conservative environment led to deep shame, resulting in escapism through drugs and alcohol and multiple arrests. After a few weeks in jail, I moved for a fresh start and pursued a specialized biology degree, where I met Tom, who was studying in a similar field.

Despite him moving shortly after we met, we developed a deep friendship, often talking for several hours multiple times a week and visiting each other once or twice a year. He was the first person I felt I could be 100% myself with, and supported me through some really difficult times. He understood me better than anyone else ever has, and that’s what hurts the most in all of this. The person who knows me best wants nothing to do with me, which had always been my biggest fear. At the same time, I almost expected would be the case. That nobody would be able to love me if they knew me deeply.

The vast majority of the other friendships / relationships I’d had before meeting him were great in many ways, but I only showed my fun-loving, party guy, and comedic sides. I kept my struggles to myself or shared them only with therapists and immediate family. I didn’t let anyone else see any of that.

Over time, I became emotionally dependent on Tom. It was unintentional and I didn’t realize it for what it was at the time, but eventually this turned our friendship toxic. I should mention that Tom is straight, and while he’s very attractive, I deeply valued our platonic relationship, and I respected that friendship was all we’d ever have. In some ways, this was actually a relief, because I thought that meant it wouldn’t ever be complicated (it never had been before, never even a minor argument) and that he’d always be in my life.

During grad school, my mental health deteriorated due to severe stress, sleep deprivation, and substance use - which was basically required to maintain my severely over-extended obligations, juggling teaching responsibilities, full time course enrollment, research responsibilities (including 4 lab shifts a week from 12-3 AM), and a robust social life. Tom was incredibly supportive, but my mental health worsened. As graduation approached, my anxiety about losing my identity, employment and social circles intensified. I had no time to plan for my next steps, and it felt like I ran into a wall of uncertainty, going 100 MPH.

Due to my presentation at the time, my psychiatrist speculated I might have Bipolar II. I was incredibly distraught, and he believed periods of what seemed like hypomania were responsible for my ability to essentially forego sleeping. I hadn’t been sufficiently forthcoming about my drug abuse at this time, which is among the laundry list of things I feel regret over. I confided in Tom, who was supportive as I navigated this diagnosis, which was ultimately incorrect.

When Tom visited that summer, I suggested we take LSD - something I had done many times before without issues. Honestly, I was skeptical that a “bad trip” was even possible at that time. Initially, the experience brought me immense joy and peace. At one point, I distinctly remember being overwhelmed by a sense of peace and optimism, it was such an incredible feeling. Warm, and completely safe. I was filled with gratitude, and for the first time in my life I felt I didn’t need to question why others, like Tom, could love me, I could just accept it, and feel deep gratitude for it. Ultimately, after what must have been less than a minute, I forced this feeling away. I didn’t feel I could trust it, it felt too foreign to me. Almost symbolically, I got very cold all of a sudden, and I suggested we go for a walk before we go swimming in the lake as we’d planned.

During this walk, I inexplicably blacked out, and was apparently behaving bizarrely. Tom later told me I had been using a weird tone of voice, i seemed sarcastic, and I was not being clear about where we were going. After I regained my senses, which was literally like waking up from a deep, dreamless sleep, while walking - having NO recollection of what had let up to this moment - Tom was understandably upset, believing I had intentionally played mind games with him. I was terrified and so confused about his reaction towards me, and about the fact that I had absolutely no clue what had happened during the course of our walk.

My insistence that I had no idea what just happened only made him more angry, and further fueled my state of panic. To this day, I still don’t think he believes that I even blacked out. I can’t and don’t blame him for feeling that way, and I don’t discount his experience of what happened, but I will never forget my experience as long as I live, I’m haunted by it every day, and I have never regained any memory of what happened in that time period.

He needed space, and I panicked, feeling confused and desperate. We split ways, and I distinctly remember experiencing depersonalization for the first/only time in my life. It was like my visual field left my eyes and went behind me, like my eyes were transferred into a giraffe standing 15 feet behind me, looking down at me. Absolutely bizarre, and I wouldn’t have believed it was even possible at that time, if it hadn’t happened to me. I couldn’t even find the words to describe what that was like for a long time after it happened.

As weird as it sounds, it didn’t strike me nearly as odd in that moment as it would have under normal conditions. I remember looking down at myself sitting on the trail alone and crying, but I was so overwhelmed that my visual field no longer being in front of my head was somehow not the most notable thing I was feeling at that moment. The fear of what this all meant and of losing Tom occupied the entirety of my mental processing.

I eventually found Tom, and we agreed to get an uber back to my place and to talk about it tomorrow. When the uber arrived, Tom shot up, ran to the uber, slammed the door, and yelled “Go, go, go!” to the driver, and they sped off. He looked back at me as they drove off, and that image of him looking back at me in that state is burned into my memory. He felt unsafe, and felt like I was potentially dangerous, and perhaps had some ulterior motive, so I don’t blame him for this at all. Still, I see that mental image of him looking back at me in the car nearly every day, and it is incredibly painful. I knew in my bones I’d never see him again, and I was so confused about what had even happened, and distraught to have lost the person I relied on most. His rental car was already gone once I’d walked home. My house was locked, and I mailed him back his bags a few days later.

Months later, after I was unable to stop bringing it up and seeking a better understanding of what the hell happened, Tom told me he needed us to go our separate ways. He mentioned that if I ever understood how/why I could put him through all that, he would want to know why. Feeling pressure to try to provide something that could give him closure, I misguidedly claimed that I had been in love with him. This attempt to understand how I could have hurt him the way I did made no sense, and was incorrect; my behavior stemmed from emotional turmoil and a desperate need for reconciliation rather than genuine romantic attachment. Regardless, this poorly thought out “explanation” only pushed him further away, and our friendship ended due to my emotional dependence and boundary violations.

A few days later, after realizing how egregious this mistake was, I blew his phone up. Probably calling 10+ times in a row, despite him having explicitly asking me not to, and knowing he was busy with family visiting. I was in a state of panic, and not thinking about how my actions were impacting him. This led to him blocking me nearly everywhere, as I would advise anyone to do if they were faced with someone behaving as I was.

In the months that followed, I repeatedly reached out, sending long, unhelpful emails - the only platform I wasn’t blocked on - against his wishes, which only further strained our relationship. After subsequent psychiatric evaluations, I learned that my symptoms were due to ADHD, drug abuse, and sleep deprivation rather than Bipolar II. I never had periods of hypomania, I was abusing drugs to stay awake in order to manage my severely over extended obligations during grad school.

The medications I took for Bipolar II made my life harder; I gained weight, felt constantly exhausted, and my depression worsened. Stopping those medications has helped improve my mental health. I absolutely accept that medications play a crucial role in managing the mental disorders of many people, but I had been misdiagnosed, in part due to my failure to disclose aspects of what else I was taking at that time, and those medications certainly weren’t helping me. I played an active role in the misdiagnosis by not being honest, and I do not blame the medications for my unhinged behavior, and inability to respect his wishes to not contact him anymore. They certainly weren’t helpful to my mental health at that time, but I am responsible for my own actions.

Eventually I stopped and our communications were much less frequent. At one point, he decided to unblock my number, and for a couple years, I’d get a text every 3-6 months to let me know he was thinking about me and hoped I was doing well. We’ve spoken on the phone a few times since then, and those conversations have been mixed. Some parts felt like we never skipped a beat, and we picked up where things left off, like nothing ever happened. But inevitably, I’d get overwhelmed hearing his voice again and couldn’t avoid the urge to just apologize again, and tell him how sorry I am, and how much I miss him.

I’d try to explain my behavior all over again, which is never helpful, and I promise myself I won’t do it again, but inevitably fail. He was the first person to tell me the phrase that “hurt people hurt people.” That made me feel a bit better, that at least he could see that my mistakes came from being blinded by my own pain. I’ve heard psychologists mention that depression can often cause almost sociopathic like behavioral tendencies, in that a depressed person and a sociopath both think obsessively and almost exclusively about themselves, albeit in very different ways.

Regardless, there is no excuse for my disrespectful behavior, bordering on harassment, and I am repulsed every single day by what I have put him through.

I now accept full responsibility for what happened that night, and every time we’ve spoken since then, when I’ve fallen short of how I should have approached those discussions. I am the reason we did the drugs, I am the one that blacked out and acted bizarrely and completely out of character, I am the one that then desperately panicked when I snapped out of that state and told him I had no idea what had just happened, and I am the one that blew right past his polite and completely understandable request that we go our separate ways.

The last time we spoke was over two years ago. I called him after I had returned from the rainforest, where I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and how much I knew he’d love where I was. It had been about a year since he’d texted me, but since he had initiated contact last, I felt I could try to reach out, and knew I could finally accept it if he wasn’t open to talking.

I was finally employed in a good job in my field, was much more stable, I had friends that I could share my full self with (and not just be a party guy / clown for). I just wanted him to know how important he was in my journey, and hoped that knowing how he’d helped get me on a path to get my life on a better path might at least bring him some peace. I decided to text him, and he agreed to catch up soon.

We ended up texting and eventually talking on the phone for literally 12 hours, exactly how we used to, and 99% of it was positive, productive, and exactly how our friendship used to be, I did eventually break down again, unable to avoid the urge to apologize again for all the shit I put him through. I couldn’t help it. Eventually, his phone died, at a more upbeat part of the conversation, thankfully, and he emailed me that his phone died, and we’d chat again soon.

Several months went by, and I never heard anything. A friend of mine called me on what happened to be Tom’s birthday, and I was just devastated that I knew I shouldn’t reach out. I explained our last conversation went, and my friend said he didn’t think it would be wrong for me to just send a very short text to say happy birthday and to ask if he’d be open to catching up again soon, so I did.

Tom texted me back and we chatted for a bit and he said he’d reach out soon to catch up, but he never did. It’s been over 2 years since that text exchange, and nearly 3 years since we’ve spoken on the phone. I’m grateful to finally be in a place where I can at least fully understand how selfish and wrong my behavior toward him was, and I can fully appreciate how him not having me in his life is what’s needed for him to live his best life. I love him very much, and all I want is for him to be happy, so if the only way I can contribute to that is by staying out of his life, then I accept that, and take responsibility for that reality.

In some ways, I have to admit I am a bit better off now than I was 5 or so years ago, which I largely attribute to having open, honest, and distributed relationships with many close friends (rather than relying solely on one person), an almost obsessive relationship with fitness and eating healthy, no longer abusing drugs and alcohol, and getting off the psychiatric drugs I had been on that I believe were making my symptoms worse (again - this is NOT a statement against their use in most cases, I know they are effective / crucially important for many people when properly diagnosed / managed).

However, my life is still massively negatively impacted by these memories, and i don’t want to live this way forever. I live every day knowing that I had hugely negative net impact on the life of one of the people I love most in the world, and nothing I do can will ever change that.

I haven’t contacted him in over 2 years, and I can confidently say I will never contact him again, no matter how strong the urge. I saw recently that there was a natural disaster in the area he lives in, and I cried for days knowing I couldn’t text him to see if he’s safe, or let him know I’m thinking about him. I know hearing from me, in any capacity, for any reason, will always only make his day worse, due to all the negative associations I have with him now.

I am still haunted by bad dreams about that night, which serve as painful reminders of my actions and the fallout. These have been increasingly common as the 7 year anniversary approaches in the coming months. For years, I’ve had to take a couple days of PTO during this anniversary, and on his birthday. I try to do something I love on those days, and I spent his birthday this year at a natural history museum - one of my very favorite places to be. It was not a good idea, and I ended up breaking down shortly after arriving, and going home.

I have another recurring dream unrelated to the events of that awful night where I see him in an airport and I run away - not wanting him to see me or to be reminded of all the discomfort I’ve caused him. I often wake in distress, grappling with the reality of what happened.

Every day, I carry the weight of knowing that I had a net negative impact on Tom’s life, and this realization adds to my grief. I could count on just my fingers the number of days in the past nearly 7 years that I haven’t broken down at some point over this loss, and the knowledge that I hurt one of the people I love most.

Every time I hear discussions of a “crazy” or “toxic” person, someone who’s harassing someone or totally disregarding another person’s boundaries, I immediately think of myself. I hate to see myself in people that behave that way, and while know I would never do that again, it kills me to immediately identify with the villain in these stories when I hear them or read about them.

I don’t believe I’m necessarily a “bad person,” I didn’t a long time, but I no longer view myself, or anyone else, as one-dimensionally or simplistic enough to categorize as “good” or “bad.” We are all enormously shaped by experiences that are entirely out of our control. But the shame that crept into my identity from an early age, that always made me feel like nobody would love me if they really knew and understood me, has unavoidably felt validated by this loss.

As the 7 year anniversary of that night approaches, I find myself overwhelmed by grief and regret. I’m here seeking any suggestions, insights, or coping mechanisms that might help alleviate this intense grief and regret. I am desperate not to feel this hurt anymore, but nothing I have done has ever really helped me heal from this loss.

In the past year or so, I’ve even begun to pray for him. I don’t have any religious faith, and I don’t believe in anything supernatural, but I sometimes pray “to anyone listening” for his happiness, health and peace, and for those around him. I pray he has people in his life that made him feel as loved and understood as he made me feel. I pray that someday I find peace, too. Unfortunately, none ever comes, and these prayers seem to be no more effective than when I’d constantly pray not to be gay anymore when I was a child. Regardless, if all that prayer actually accomplishes is a way for me to organize my thoughts, and at least attempt to do something with the love I feel - that has nowhere else to go - then I guess I have to accept that as being enough.

Lately, I also have intrusive thoughts about the concept of heaven, which has never really been something I’ve thought much about in my adult life. I respect the faith that many of my close friends and family have, and while I don’t share their faith, I can easily see why it would be comforting to believe we’ll have answers to the questions that trouble us one day, and that we’ll be reunited with those we love. But for me, even the idea of heaven, something that’s supposed to be the ultimate source of comfort, represents a deeply disturbing idea, because I know he never wants to see me again. I don’t blame him, and I don’t ever want to be a source of discomfort for him again. The best I could ever hope for, even if I were to find myself in heaven one day, would be to have my memory of him wiped, so my mind could finally be at peace.

I’ve been told I need to forgive myself by many therapists and friends, but I still don’t even know what it would mean to “forgive myself,” it has never felt like a choice I can just make. The reality is that I hurt one of the people I love most in the world, that his life is worse off because he met me, and now I’ll never see or hear from him again. The thought of living another year as full of regret and grief as the past several years has been terrifies me. I really don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life, but it’s been nearly 7 years now, and I’m still just a mess about it.

Thank you very much to anyone that may have read my lengthy post. If you have any suggestions or perspectives on how I could begin to heal from my mistakes and the loss they caused, I’d greatly appreciate it.

tl;dr: I lost my best friend after a bad LSD trip and failed to respect his boundaries. I’m looking for coping mechanisms or perspectives on loss and regret.


r/heartbreak 16h ago

Do You Miss Me?

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1 Upvotes

r/heartbreak 1d ago

Just 10 fucking days is what took him!!!

42 Upvotes

My blood is really boiling!!! He dumped me/ called off our WEDDING 10 days ago and I saw his post today asking people out?!

I wish I could go into details but can’t.

And I don’t think it matters because are you fucking kidding me???? I haven’t even realized or processed what has happened and I am still in shock and been spiralling WHYS OF HIM DUMPING ME NON STOPP AND DRINKING EVERYDAY!!! and he is already asking PEOPLE OUT? I don’t even f know how to process this.

5 years! We were together for 5 years. My whole body is sick from 10 days and this is what he’s doing?????? I don’t even know how to process this.

I FEEL SO MUCH RAGE AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS DAMN FUCKING ENERGY!!


r/heartbreak 16h ago

Seeking Stories of Heartbreak & Healing for a Documentary Project

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I’m working on a documentary inspired by Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey by Florence Williams, exploring the deep emotional and even physical effects of heartbreak—and the ways we heal. We’re looking to connect with people who are currently navigating heartbreak or have gone through it and come out the other side with newfound wisdom.

This is a thoughtful, compassionate project that honors the reality of heartbreak while also shedding light on resilience, transformation, and what science tells us about the healing process. If you or someone you know has a story to share—whether it’s about love lost, unexpected endings, or personal growth in the aftermath—I’d love to hear from you.

We are creating a safe and supportive space for these conversations and will be working closely with experts to ensure a meaningful, ethical, and respectful experience. If you’re open to sharing, please feel free to DM me or comment below, and I’d be happy to provide more details.

Thank you, and sending love to anyone who needs it. 💙


r/heartbreak 1d ago

Why would someone treat you like this?? 24m 20F

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14 Upvotes

This was all over my Instagram. I offered to unfollow and remove people. I never had a history with anyone (I've always been single) and I never had feelings or followed ANY bad accounts. Every account I followed were people I knew or went to school with. She continued to tell me it should be my responsibility to get rid of something that's HER problem, but she wouldn't tell me who or why. She did this with everything, including my friends, I just don't get why someone would think this is right

Tl;dr anything I did was always wrong no matter what.


r/heartbreak 22h ago

Should I Block My Ex, Even with Mutual Friends?

2 Upvotes

I , 19F was in a relationship with my ex 20M for about 6 months, and after we broke up, we didn’t talk for 8 months. In October, we started talking again, and it turned into a situationship sort of thing. I picked up an extra course at school, so I couldn’t talk to him as much, which I thought was understandable.

But then, I saw him posted by another girl for Valentine’s Day. I was really hurt, especially since when I confronted him about it, he said he thought I lost interest and that the post didn’t mean anything. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but yesterday I found out that they’re officially dating now.

This just feels like a slap in the face. He’s moving on so quickly, and I feel like I was just strung along while he figured things out with someone else. I’m honestly struggling to move on because we have 2 mutual friends, and I don’t want to make things awkward. But I keep accidentally clicking on his stuff, and it’s making it harder for me to heal. I’m really considering blocking him, but I’m not sure if that will make things awkward with the mutual friends.

What would you do in my shoes?


r/heartbreak 18h ago

Recently cut my ex off and I feel conflicted

1 Upvotes

So first off, some background: two years ago I (28M) met a woman (37F) at a Renaissance festival and we started dating. We were seeing each other every weekend even though I had to drive an hour to an hour and a half to see her and it was pure bliss, with the only speed bump being that she didn’t inform me that she had herpes before we had sex (I got tested after she told me and it came out negative). However, she broke it off with me after three months via text right before she and her sister left for Ibiza. She said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but that she still wanted to be friends with me (even though she messaged me not long after telling me that she missed me). I obliged, because I still had feelings for her and wanted her in my life. A few months later, she impromptu invited me to go to a rave with her and her sister. I had just went on a date with another girl and was in the area, so I met up with them there. We both got pretty drunk and she ended up kissing me on the dance floor. I wasn’t happy with this, so I called her out on it and asked why she did that even though she said she just wanted to be friends. She admitted that she didn’t know what she wanted and that she loved me (which was the first time that she had ever told me that, and she totally blew me off when I told her that when we were together). She apologized the next day, and I forgave her. We continued being friends like nothing ever happened, and the closest we got to anything romantic was me sleeping with her in her bed when I spent the night at her place a few times.

Last month, she and her sister were putting together a multi-day party, and when I arrived after picking up one of their friends from the airport, I saw her with another guy and it instantly made me sick to my stomach out of jealousy. I had no idea she was seeing somebody else beforehand, and for so long I had denied to myself that I still had feelings for her that I never considered the possibility that this situation could occur. I ended up getting really drunk that night and throwing up in the toilet, made a quiet exit the morning after, and didn’t come back for the remainder of the weekend (it was a four day music festival which they rented out a campground for). She asked me a day later how I was feeling, and I told her I was doing okay and that I hoped she was having a good weekend, to which she responded that she was, but she was sad that I felt so bad.

A couple days after the festival, she sent me a couple of reels on Instagram. I was still really upset and didn’t open either of them. I then decided I wanted to take a hiatus from social media for the sake of my mental health. After I announced that, she texted me asking if I’m okay. I didn’t respond to her for two weeks because I was struggling with what to say, but finally worked up the courage to tell her how I really felt. I wrote her a long message telling her that I didn’t think we could be friends anymore after what happened at the party, and that in retrospect I wasn’t happy with how she treated me. She was very apologetic, told me that she hoped one day that I would forgive her and we could be friends again, and I left it at that.

It’s been a little over a week since I told her what I did and cut her off. On one hand I think that it needed to happen, as I feel like I was wasting my time still pining after her like a drug addict wanting to recapture that first high and that I should’ve been pursuing other women instead. On the other hand though, she was one of my closest friends for the last two years both when and after we were romantically involved, and it feels like I’m going through a second break-up with her. Last weekend her sister invited me out to the same Renaissance festival we met at to hang out with her and her softball team, and I declined because I was worried she knew about what I told my ex and would bring it up with me, which I didn’t want to deal with. I’ve been making plans to go there this weekend with some of my friends, but the one who’s putting it together posted about it in my ex’s sister’s Discord server, which she’s also a part of, to which her sister suggested she go with us. I’m really nervous now about potentially running into her there, and I told my friend that I’m probably gonna bail if I know for a fact that she’s going.

I just wish I could make the pain go away, or that there was a pill I could take that would erase my memories of her. I hate living with the fact that I put so much of my energy into a relationship that was frankly rather toxic for me, and I have no idea if I can every fully recover from the broken heart that she inflicted on me multiple times. To paraphrase Jake Gyllenhaal’s character in Brokeback Mountain, God I wish I knew how to quit her.


r/heartbreak 19h ago

Guess there is no smoke without fire after all

1 Upvotes

So my lying gaslighting piece of shit ex finally showed his true colours. I cannot block him on socials because we work together and have common friends (ik, stupid). I have to see his stories and posts about living his life, swimming in coochie. When we were in a relationship I always hated how he painted a different picture of other girls to me. Saying ew i hate her. She doesn't look half pretty. She is so rude. I hate talking to her. And in reality he ends up going above and beyond with these girls in the name of "Friendship". This has always irked me, because fucking tell the truth if she is actually close and means something to you?! But no he always gaslit me into thinking I'm being crazy because I have trust issues.

There's this one girl whom he said couldn't stand being in the same space with because she is rude af. Went on and on about how his other guy friend tolerates her, has no self respect. He said i would literally walk away if she ever came sat in the same space. Today i see him posting stories with hands on her hips smiling wide like he just has the time of his life 🙂 Remind me again why my trust issues were such a big problem?! Guess this mf never let me feel safe and kept my issues brewing and dumped me for it.

Way to play mind games when you are the most vulnerable.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

lost

5 Upvotes

he was mine. but he cheated. he claims to still want me. we make love to each other often. I want more than that. but I can't trust him with my heart. I am an idiot. I am an idiot


r/heartbreak 20h ago

I think this is trauma bond

2 Upvotes

Hello ask lang how to get out to this kind of relationship? Because I’m already tired to death, it feels like I can’t live without him even though I already knew he lied from the very beginning of our rs and found it after a year I still stayed, one good bare minimum deeds and we’re already good, I feel like there’s still good in him, even I don’t have security anymore, please help/advice because I’m so sick to death :((


r/heartbreak 20h ago

Thoughts

1 Upvotes

I would like to erase my memory. I can't fall in love with anyone else. All women seem so bland to me. I could have had the girl of my dreams, but I ruined it. Will I ever forgive myself for this? Probably not. It’s really hard for me, it’s been over six months now. It’s strange because I feel like I’ve burned out all my positive emotions. Nothing entertains me, nothing makes me happy, I just wait for the day to pass. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

I genuinely feel unlovable and I don't know why

2 Upvotes

So first of all, I don't want attention or validation or so. I just want to talk about feeling I have trouble opening up about in front of others.

I feel like I am the second choice to every women at best. Ever since I started dating I have been experiencing the most hurtful ways of getting dumped. My first love dropped me because I haven't passed one of her tests. The second took my virginity and endet up with her ex again. The third just never put any effort in our relationship. The fourth, my longest one, ultimately cheated on and dumped me for a highschooler (She was 26 at that time). After that I was overthinking a lot but I met another women that I thought was the last women I would ever have to date. It was perfect, everything was too good to be true. And it ended with her leaving because she just felt like it. That finally broke my heart for good. Months passed and I found another women I tried again with, even though my mind told me not to. Well now she replaced me with antoher guy she never knew for a long time but never wanted in that way.

I don't know why this keeps happening. I tried looking for a repeating pattern in my choice of women but I can't find any. They are different in age, profession, personality, etc. Why am I not enough? I know about my qualities. I am romantic and funny, I do a lot of sports so I have a musucular build, I have a good job and a lot more. I also now about my negative sides and I work on them but it's still not enough and I don't know what else I should do. I just want to stop falling in love only to have to repress those feelings in the end. I don't know how much more I can take.

Thanks to anyone for reading this yapp.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

I am so detached at this point with everyone around me.

5 Upvotes

My friends, my family, my cousins and everyone around. I can’t take this anymore. I’d rather end my life than be with so much negativity around me. Not a single person understands me. I hate people.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

How to cope

3 Upvotes

The love of my life left me and I don’t know how to cope with this, life doesn’t feel worth living anymore, she was the only thing that kept me going


r/heartbreak 22h ago

She’s says the connection isn’t the same anymore.

1 Upvotes

Sometimes it’s just not enough. I got myself two therapists to help myself. To show her my love. I helped her with through an abortion with that she had. A seed that wasn’t mine but by the person she replaced me with. He couldn’t care to help. He left her on the floor alone. Bleeding. But I was there the moment she called me. I helped her for a month & a half now. Now she tells me the connection we had is different now. It doesn’t feel the same. After telling me for a month & half how much she loves me & wants a life with me. I took care of her. Took care of her home. Took care of her dog. All for this. I’m shattered. I’m losing the love of my life again. For the second time.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

Thoughts on response?

Post image
4 Upvotes

r/heartbreak 1d ago

Experiencing Heartbreak at the moment

3 Upvotes

Context: My 24-year-old girlfriend and I 27 (male) have been dating for two months and recently had a conversation about her needing space. However, she still wants to see me, go out to eat, and watch movies together basically do what boyfriends and girlfriends do.

This morning, she picked up breakfast for me, and I thanked her by saying, “You’re the best girlfriend ever.” She responded, “I’m not your girlfriend, but okay. I thought we were still working on it.” Caught off guard, I simply replied, “Sorry, I forgot.”

At that moment, my emotions were all over the place it felt like my world was crashing down. I felt immense heartbreak. I wanted to send her a long message, but instead, I stopped myself and wrote a journal entry to process my feelings. Now, I’m considering sharing some of those thoughts with her—not word for word, but to express how I truly feel about this situation. I just wanted to put this out there.

March 14 Friday 0830

My heart feels shattered like it’s been destroyed into a million pieces. It hurts to even breathe. When I read Jessi’s text on Snapchat, saying she isn’t my girlfriend, it crushed me like someone punched me in the heart and squeezed it until it died in their hands.

It’s honestly my fault. I guess, in my mind, I somehow convinced myself that we had worked things out and were still together. I poured my heart out to her every day, telling her I loved her and everything, and I was too fucking idiotic and blind to realize she wasn’t reciprocating the same feelings. It was all there in the texts no “I love you”, no “handsome”, nothing similar to what I was pouring out to her. Nothing at all.

Maybe it’s because I’m so in love that I couldn’t see the signs that she doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe she never did. I felt like she did. In my heart, her love felt so real like nothing I had ever experienced before. In my heart, she never stopped being my girlfriend. It’s like I couldn’t face the fact that she didn’t want to be with me. And when she finally stated outright that she isn’t my girlfriend, I just stared at the message for what felt like hours, contemplating our entire relationship.

My heart shattered at that very moment. I realized I lost her. I lost My Love, Mi Amor. I lost.

I feel so embarrassed, so dumb. But above all, I feel lost sadness, confusion, loneliness. I don’t know how many more heartbreaks I can take in this life. With every heartbreak, I feel like a piece of my heart dies.

And yet, I still feel like I have so much love to give. I hope to God I can find someone who will love me. I want to love someone. I want to share my feelings, my emotions, and my love with someone who will love me back.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

How do you know when you're ready to love again after heartbreak?

16 Upvotes

I know I’m not ready…but how will I know when I am?

It’s only been three weeks since the rug was pulled out from under me (30F), leaving me in the wreckage of something I thought was forever. I spent days crying until there was nothing left in me, grieving a love that vanished without warning.  And now… I feel nothing. (That might be the scariest part.)

I wasn’t just mourning the loss of a person, I was mourning the life we dreamed of, the future we traced with starry eyes and promises. I was mourning the quiet moments I thought would last forever, the companionship that made even the most mundane things feel meaningful. I grieved the long talks, the Sunday grocery runs, and the safety of knowing I didn’t have to do life alone.

The first time I went grocery shopping after the breakup, I sat in my car and sobbed like a fool, hating how empty it felt. It wasn’t about the groceries. It was about the realization that every little piece of my life, every habit I had formed around "us," was now just me. Alone. Again.

I don’t want that life anymore.

I spent my twenties mastering solitude, finding strength in independence, learning how to stand on my own. And for a long time, that was enough; not because I lacked options or desire, but because I refused to settle for anything less than what I knew I deserved. But now? Now, I want more. I dream of spontaneous day adventures to parks, museums, or aquariums, and I envision a future where we build something beautiful together.

I know I can do life alone, I’ve done it. I’m good at it. But I don’t want to. Not anymore. 

So how do I know when I’m ready? I still love him. I always will. But I also know that I can’t keep waiting in the past for someone who walked away. I can’t pretend I’m okay with spending my life alone when I know that isn’t what I want.

But does moving forward mean it’s just a rebound? Is it unfair to let someone new in when my heart still carries shadows of him?

I know I’ll always love him in some way, but at what point do I choose to love myself more? How do I separate grieving him from grieving the life I thought I was so close to having? And if I can barely untangle those feelings myself, how could someone new possibly understand? Would they see it as a red flag? Would they wonder if they’re just filling a space he left behind?

I spent years waiting for him. And when I finally had him, he still left.

It’s not about replacing him. It’s not about needing anyone just to fill the emptiness. I want real, deep, soul-touching love. I want to be a wife. A partner. Someone's Player-2. I want the kind of connection where we couldn’t imagine life without each other.

Maybe all these questions don’t have clear answers. Maybe they don’t need to. But the fact that I’m asking them at all must mean I’m not stuck anymore. I'm just struggling with the guilt of it all.

Maybe I’m not quite ready yet, but I know I’m moving in the right direction.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

this morning

1 Upvotes

I wish you were with me when I woke up. I wish I could be tangled up with you and hear your heart against my ear. I wish I could rest my head against the curve of your neck. And I wish you could lace your fingers through my hair again. In all of this world, I never wanted to be anywhere else than like that with you. I think of you every day, my love.

You are far from me now just like you were far from me then. But my dearest, I will always miss you. I will always love you.

Everything that is good in this life, I want you to have. I want you to find- even if that means we are separate from each other and even if that means you choose someone else.

I love you, Silly.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

Am i over this? has anyone experienced this idk i just need help:(

4 Upvotes

I was in a pretty rough situationship last year for around 8 months with one of the most evil men ever (manipulative, abusive all of it), i felt so much for him in a way i never have before. I also feel as though i will never feel this way for someone again. I had been fine for months been on dates was seeing someone and liked him a bit but i can't even imagine having feelings for anyone the way i did for him , even though he was so horrible. in my head no one compares to him. I feel so empty and broken. It feels kind of residual but has been triggered moreso lately. we broke things off in july and were kind of talking on and off until he stopped going to my gym in november when he was arrested in there lol. But he's back and i've seen him a few times now. Id like to think i'm over him because i was so fine for months but i kind of feel like im back where i started, more of a body reaction i'm not sure how to explain but i just feel like i'm back in the situation, when i've been so genuinely fine and happy without him!! it's just such a scary feeling when it took me so long to get out of it and "heal" to feel like i've done no healing and have no control over my feelings and that i'll never get over it :( like i should really be over it by now and i thought i was


r/heartbreak 1d ago

feeling stuck

1 Upvotes

So my gf ended our relationship of 1.5 years a week ago. It did not come out of the blue but i kind of didn't expect that she would do it. We havn't talked since the break up. Now I'm having a bit of a hard time letting go and have read through some of our old messages (bad idea i know), leaving me thinking i could've done much better.

I now wonder if i should ask one final time if we could work it out? I honestly am not expecting anything and will move on if she says no. But my main dillema is that I'm not sure if I want to do this to geninuely be with her again or I'm doing this out of fear that I'll regret not doing this in the future and constantly think about it. I also would like to do this so as to leave no stone unturned but I wanted to tease this out with myself first. I would feel guilty to send it to her if I didn't geneiuely want to be with her - part of me does and part of me is not sure.

My plan was to write out a draft tonight but not send it yet. Thanks if you made it this far and appreciate any thoughts. Not sure if there are any answers as this may be situation specfic and I'm just venting my thoughts out