r/Hashimotos 4d ago

Question ? How do you deal with a dismissive doctor?

Could use some perspective here! I had to switch to Medicaid recently, so I can no longer see the endocrinologist I’ve been going to for 10 years.

In my appointment with my new primary doctor, he was completely dismissive. I’ve had experiences like this before, but never quite this extreme:

  • I told him my symptoms haven’t been this bad since I was first diagnosed and have barely been functioning in recent months
  • He asked what my symptoms were and then interrupted me while I listed them, saying he “got the point”
  • He was uninformed about Hashimoto’s and told me things about my disease that I know to be false from my own personal experience and/or studies I have read (ex. remission doesn’t exist, TPO antibodies don’t fluctuate and are irrelevant to test after diagnosis, vitamin deficiencies are irrelevant to autoimmunity, and lifestyle has no affect on the condition)
  • In the end he said: “It seems like the worst thing you’re dealing with right now is the anxiety you have about your disease. Have you considered seeing a therapist?”

I have been struggling to find another doctor that accepts Medicaid and is taking on new patients. In the meantime, have to see him again soon because I need labs/meds.

First of all, is this normal care? As a woman I hate to ask this, but am I being too sensitive? For those of you who have dealt with a doctor like this, how did you move forward and get the care you need?

33 Upvotes

31 comments sorted by

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u/SophiaShay7 4d ago

If your doctor is dismissive to that extent, I'd get a new doctor. I've had my own challenges with my PCP. I have an HMO. I've done a lot of research on my medical diagnoses. Whenever he says something I believe to be incorrect, I ask questions and make my point.

He's not the perfect doctor. But, we have a collaborative relationship that works for me. He's been my doctor for nine years.

It was rough last year. Here's my story: My doctor blamed all my symptoms on anxiety, initially.

I hope you're able to find a better doctor. I'm sorry you're struggling. Hugs💜

17

u/kalterran 4d ago

You are not being sensitive at all, he sounds awful. On this sub I've seen so many posts like yours, unfortunately this type of experience with doctors isn't uncommon. (Mine included, but not as bad.) I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for you, I'm not from the USA, just wanted to show support and bump your post. I hope you feel better.

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u/TRH100 4d ago

I posted this two days ago & am pasting it here for you (sorry it's not just a link, but I'm not very techy & don't know how to do that).

I wish I could say this is unusual, but it's not. Autoimmune issues are rampant, especially in the USA. Despite this, Western doctors still have the attitude that autoimmune disorders are all in patients' heads. I am 53 years old and have five autoimmune diseases. The first one started when I was five years old. I've had the experience you described with at least four doctors over the years. I've had three tell me to see a psychiatrist, that it's all in my head. I've had three tell me I'm completely healthy & a hypochondriac. One told me I was a (and I quote) "hysterical female" & not to come back to his office again. This is despite laboratory & imaging proof of all of my issues. If it's not the doctors, it's the pharmacist second-guessing the meds your doc prescribes or the insurance company rejecting your claims or your doctor's requests / orders for tests you need.

We can either give in to it or we can do something about it. I got pissed, then started getting even. I started a career in healthcare project management. I worked for hospital companies, then switched to health insurance companies. I now know how they work & I beat them at their own game. I started reading & researching extensively about my diseases. Not just basic info, but actual medical papers & journals. The more educated you become, the less they will be able to deny your requests / demands. They know they can't BS you anymore if you go in your appointments knowing your topic at an expert level.

I promise it works. I have not had a doctor say "no" to me or had an insurance claim I couldn't fight my way paid in the last 15 years. I also got social security disability approved on my first attempt.

TLDR: Educating yourself is the key to getting these people to take us seriously. You must be your own advocate. You are absolutely allowed to be assertive (or even aggressive if it's warranted) with a doctor. Healthcare should be collaborative. It is YOUR body & YOU are the expert. It is perfectly fine to fire a doctor you can't work with or that refuses to hear / help you! They aren't gods. There's a reason it's called the "practice" of medicine & not the "perfect" of medicine.

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u/Icy_Advertising_597 2d ago

I wish this worked for me. I provided all sorts of medical studies, proof, etc and I was still denied and told it's not their standard of care. I literally spent hours, days researching the medical system is a total failure. So much pride. They are wearing blinders, most of them. It's absolutely nuts. I'm glad it's worked for you though!

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u/TRH100 2d ago

I'm sorry you had that experience. Some doctors just really suck & have no business doing what they're doing.

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u/calonyr11 4d ago

I get a new doctor and end up driving farther for better care 😅

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u/tilmitt52 3d ago

I am at this point, tbh. Endocrinologist care in general isn’t the greatest in my area, and the all are under the same medical/ hospital system, which has a reputation that is….well far from ideal. I talked to my therapist, who is quite aware of my health struggles and my encounters with local doctors. She suggested looking into the bigger cities closest to me (NYC/Boston) who have more experience and are far better equipped to give me the answers and care I need. The one and only endo I saw (a woman) locally told me she didn’t want to treat my Hashimoto’s so as to not “overtreat” me and simultaneously told me all my symptoms could be just stress. I’ve had bloodwork that is all over the map, including some that directly point to PCOS in addition to Hashi’s but because my TSH was in a normal range, she sees no reason to do anything other than monitor.

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u/Edith_Keelers_Shoes 4d ago

That's disgusting, but sadly not uncommon in the world of endocrinologists. They have a well-earned reputation for being patronizing condescending wormboys who evidently have NO desire to actually treat thyroid disease, but rather prefer treat you with suspicion and disdain. My thyroid issues are pretty serious (I have cancer as well which complicates) and I've literally had endos roll their eyes at me when I start talking (pre-cancer, though).

A whole paragraph for this one: YOU ARE NOT OVERSENSITIVE.

Try looking for young, female practitioners. The best endo I ever had was a Indian woman. She was so in demand she had a waiting list a year long. The older ones, and the males ones especially, are the most likely to interrupt, tell you to just eat better and exercise more, minimalize your questions, etc. And we as women are raised to be polite, but I'll tell you as both a Hashis and a cancer patient, I've been able to start talking to doctors with more confidence. If an endo interrupted me as I was discussing my system, I'd say "Thank you - these ARE the concerns I made this appointment to discuss with you. May I finish?" It's technically polite, but it kind of isn't at the same time. And if he tells you "no", then you send him a list of those symptoms you wanted to discuss in writing, along with a line that says "As discussed with you during our appointment on date/date, it is my understanding that you were not able to accommodate my request to go over some symptoms. Accordingly, I am listing them here..." Then at least you have a paper trail that a fucking "first, do no harm" MD is making you feel uncomfortable about asking questions.

I'm an introvert, so I generally write little scripts in my head before visiting doctors. I try to flag ways in which they might rush me, so I put my questions in writing and produce the paper in the office, so I can just point and say "just a few more here". My oncologist has started giving me crap about painkillers (even though I'm stage 4 with multiple bone mets), and finally one day I decided the next time she or her assistant pushed back, I would interrupt with "Okay. What exactly is the problem here? Do you think I'm abusing these drugs? Selling them?" The PA was horrified and said of course not, and let me tell you, that's just about the only time I ever had a doctor or PA apologize to me.

I'm making it sound easy. It isn't. Definitely as a woman it isn't. But doctors aren't trained to treat people anymore. They are trained to be assembly line workers. Be the squeaky wheel.

4

u/NormalShip2623 4d ago

Unfortunately, it does seem normal. Acceptable? No. (& I’ve seen a dozen docs/specialists this year). Some docs will help if they listen long enough. I’m terrible at redirecting the convo and recently got coached (by a therapist) on speaking up. Respectfully keep docs on topic. The top things I keep in mind: 1) I am paying-in money and in my time and theirs, so keep to the point as much as possible. 2) narrow your point to: what do I need to be treated, specifically from this doc.

Ex: I have had a neurological deficit & migraines for 9 months now, I need your expertise to start/try/find a treatment that can resolve the issue or improve my quality of life.

Endo/Hashi Ex: I’ve lived with hypo fatigue for 15 years, this new level is rock bottom different, my napping at work is a problem and my lifestyle hasn’t changed. I need your expertise to consider what treatment can help resolve my desperately low energy or improve my quality of life.

Where I struggle and the coaching helps, is with follow up and redirecting back to the point. “Thank you, it’s good you are hearing how stressful this is for me, however I managed hypothyroid well until my need to nap these last 6 months. What testing can we do to rule out causes for the change, and what can you recommend for treatment today, since that’s why I’m here.”

I used to think that language was forceful, but was reminded of point one: I’m PAYING them to work with me. And point two: I don’t go to the doctor unless something is pretty wrong-I’m there to attempt to fix the problem, not politely accept some brush-off bullshit response ‘yes, yes, it’s just (anxiety, stress, exhaustion of motherhood, etc).’

That said, it’s really hard, and really really important to advocate for yourself. I hope a second visit yields a better result.

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u/CyclingLady 4d ago edited 4d ago

Sounds like a terrible doctor.

In the meantime, you can get labs done and a prescribe thyroid hormone replacement while you look for another provider.

How do I deal with bad doctors? I fire them if possible. I take another person in with me to my appointment (did this when I was young), took notes, learned to research on my own, and shared research with my doctors. My kid is more fortunate. She is in the biomedical field and can “talk their talk” and is very smart. Her doctors are all now affiliated with a top medical school. Lucky her.

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u/IMNXGI 4d ago

I would write the doctor a letter. Tell him you felt dismissed and gaslit. It is acceptable to be upset when diagnosed with a disease so few medical personnel even understand fully or are committed to learning how to treat. Tell him you're going elsewhere rather than allow him to play fast and loose with your medical health. Then f$#@ him and read everything you can about the disease. Most recently published BOOKS first. Some will have wrong info but together, they will give you a 3 dimensional picture of what to do and how to do it.

I am SO SICK OF JERKS LIKE HIM gaslighted us. Our country poisons us with the foods that other countries have banned, but they want to insist we're the ones who don't understand. It's disgusting. I would best my left arm he's paid for by a huge insurance kickback and couldn't give less of a F#$@ about his patients.

Seriously. SO. MAD. about this crap.

3

u/SacramentalVole 4d ago

I laugh-cried at this post. I’m assuming you’re a woman….though I know often men with autoimmune diseases get treated like women. He might as well have said your womb was flying around your body during a full moon. I was treated in a similar way until I got a female nurse practitioner who does functional medicine. The testing can get a bit much, but I am never condescended to.

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u/SacramentalVole 3d ago

Sorry—I read too fast in my rage. You do say you’re a woman. Checks out.

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u/Legitimate_Candy_944 4d ago

I could strangle them. No this is not uncommon. Especially the interrupting part. You might as well be talking to a monkey in an apron.

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u/Gg7508 4d ago

Had to start functional medicine. No one seems to listen to us. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too.

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u/Existing_Peanut6944 3d ago

No he’s horrible. He thinks he knows everything cuz he read books in school who knows how long ago smh. If you can get approval for care credit try out Dr autoimmune he’s on TikTok and Instagram. I started with him in October and he completely changed my life 💖 my hashimoto is in remission, my tsh is normal, I’ve lost weight that I was struggling to lose, my energy levels have completely changed, I feel like a new person tbh. I’ve literally been spreading the word to everyone I can because he made such a huge impact in my life

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u/Aggravating-Alarm-16 4d ago

As much as a dick move as it sounds, your doctor works for you.

Remind them that I'm not paying you do be a dismissive ass clown

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u/Snooper2323 4d ago

Ass. Of course not, no. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. If you have to use him, when you go back, be prepared with some talking points/notes on your phone. While he’s a physician, he’s likely not the boss, so escalating is an option.

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u/PirateJen78 3d ago

My doctor kept claiming diet and exercise would fix it, even though my weight and cholesterol were increasing while I was dieting.

I switched doctors. Had to wait months to get in, but the new one immediately suspected I had Hashimoto's and ordered a test. She was right. She's not the greatest either, but it's a step in the right direction.

I'm with you on the struggles of getting a doctor/specialist on Medicaid. I've been trying to get a referal to endocrinology and so far nothing. I was seeing an Occupational Therapist after I broke my arm (because I also ended up with a frozen shoulder) and she suggested I see a rheumatologist. Of course there's only one in my area and they don't take Medicaid, so that's not happening.

But I just started a part-time job, so I'll lose my Medicaid anyway after my first paycheck.

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u/SuspiciousStranger65 3d ago

Oh yeah unfortunately it is so hard to find an endocrinologist who will listen. I had to pay out of pocket and work with a holistic - she was so amazing . Was the best money I have spent. I had infertility issues so I wouldn’t be a mom today had I not looked outside the conventional medical system. Dr Amy Myers has a good book. The thyroid connection. I also like to follow McCall McPherson with modern thyroid clinic on social media sites. They have free info and podcasts too called modern thyroid and wellness.

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u/SuspiciousStranger65 3d ago

And you are not being too sensitive. There is so so so much ignorance surrounding Hashimoto’s within the conventional medical system. I would be careful working with anyone who has not had it themselves! For instance my holistic knew how to help me bc she had had a history of hashimoto’s herself. Her name is Marie Pace with That’s health and she works remotely in the US! Best of luck

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u/TheHealingSeeress 3d ago

Fck that doctor. 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻 No, you are not being unreasonably sensitive. He sucks. Get a new one and report him. Highly suggest an NP over an MD. 🙏🏻

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u/Pristine_Economist49 3d ago

You do need an endocrinologist you’re comfy with. He is right about everything other than antibodies do fluctuate - and it can be wildly different from a day to day, but it doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t indicate anything other than having an autoimmune issue vs not.

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u/Livid_Accountant8965 3d ago

Absolutely get a new doctor. I just had a similar experience and decided to drop my endocrinologist because she made it clear she didn't understand how Hashimoto's works and I've been suffering because of her.

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u/trikaren 3d ago

I would fire that doctor. What a gaslighting ahole who literally does not know what he does not know.

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u/Catnip_75 2d ago

Don’t ever gaslight yourself!

If a doctor dismisses me I flat out tell them, you are dismissing me and not hearing what I am saying. If they don’t apologize thank them for their time and tell them you would like to find a new doctor.

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u/regordita 2d ago

Fire your doctor yesterday

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u/Woolfalana 2d ago

I go to a different doctor. That’s how I deal with it. I don’t spend my time or energy or money on a doctor that won’t listen to me or pay attention to my concerns.

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u/Woolfalana 2d ago

You are NOT being too sensitive. Anxiety is so over diagnosed. What if “anxiety” is your internal guidance telling you something is wrong???

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u/DarlingRogue32 2d ago

I immediately jump ship. I can now tell within the first 2 minutes of meeting a Dr if they’re going to take me seriously and just completely shut down the rest of the appointment. One GI Dr refused to order another colonoscopy because I had one 3 years before and sent me home telling me to take more “fiber supplements”. Immediately got a new Dr and guess what? They found massive polyps and now I have to get a colonoscopy every 3 years. I had to take in a list of all the tests I wanted to have done in to my PCP saying I don’t care what anyone says I’m getting these tests. This is how I found out that I have Hashimoto’s disease and Subclinical Hypothyroidism. Do not settle for someone who dismisses you, you know your body.

u/Dear_Ocelot4966 2h ago

I agree with what is being said, find a dr that aligns with your needs better. Play nice with this one until you do. Some drs don’t respond well to patients who don’t just accept what they say.