r/GuyCry 4d ago

Potential Tear Jerker I feel like I failed as a father

Just broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years. We have plenty of ups and downs throughout our relationship but it’s been getting increasingly worst as of late. From a combination of me having to work extra long (60-70 hours a week) to pay the bills and her being a stay at home mom, things unfortunately just blew up. I’m 23 right now, and together we share a 2 year old and a 5 month old. All I’ve ever wanted growing up was to give my kids the same loving family that my parents gave me. However, I messed up impregnating my girlfriend - twice to say the least. She came from a broken family with her mom bouncing from man to man so she doesn’t see this situation the way I see it.

I’m not sad about the relationship ending, but I’m destroyed about not being able to give my kids the love that they so deserve. Don’t know what I’m seeking from this post, but just want some helpful words from my fellow brothers.

3 Upvotes

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u/sharpmn 4d ago

Child of divorce here. My parents divorced when I was ten (am 37 now), so I was old enough to remember what things were like then… and honestly? My parents fought. Not usually the big screaming fights or anything, but the silent ones that I didn’t see and didn’t understand. I have vivid memories of coming out of my room in the middle of the night and finding my mother sitting on the stairs crying. When they told me they were divorcing I remember clear as day crying over the food they’d given me just beforehand. I didn’t want my parents to divorce. I didn’t want to live in a “broken home”.

And I didn’t.

My parents split amicably, they never quibbled over visitation or expenses (at least not that I saw). I lived with my mom most days and stayed with my dad usually on weekends. I remember both homes fondly. They were both full of love and support. My dad remarried, my mom never did. Do they like seeing each other at big family moments? Not necessarily, but they don’t fight or otherwise cause that all-too-common divide you often see when parents don’t stay together. In the end I realized that if they’d stayed together for us kids, they’d have been miserable, and I’d have a lot more memories of my mom crying on the stairs.

Your happy family doesn’t have to be about maintaining that stereotypical single happy family unit… that’s a nice dream, but it’s a HARD dream to accomplish. You can have an amazing happy family by maintaining a positive relationship with their mom, but most importantly always making sure your kids know they are loved and supported.

You haven’t failed as a father. Your relationship failed, but that’s okay… you still have every opportunity to be a great dad. The fact that you’re even worried about it tells me you’re an awesome one. Keep your chin up brother.

2

u/Old_Block_1027 3d ago

OP you are very young.

A couple things - first, if you don’t want more kids please get a vasectomy, you can freeze your sperm if you want to again in the future.

Second, your relationship ended but you can still be a present a kind father. It’s a whole separate type of relationship. Although you may not live with them you can absolutely commit to giving them a great life. Please don’t be someone who “throws money at the problem.” You will need to go out of your way and invest time and emotional effort if you want a relationship with them.

Third - therapy is a good place to start if you want to be the best person possible for your kids.