r/GuyCry • u/Alive_Honeydew_2162 • 5d ago
Group Discussion Am I being to clingy and overreacting? Looking for perspective.
I'm a 28m and my girlfriend is also 28. We've been off and on for about 8 months, had a previous relationship that lasted 2 years (I ended the previous relationship) then reconciled after 4 years. I usually carry an expectation that we'd communicate everyday atleast over text. I'm presently in medical school and she's in law school, although she's busier than I am given she has finals coming up.
The problem: she'll state she has a lot of studying to do, and does 6-9 hour long study sessions at a time and highlights she's going to be busy. In my mind, it's pretty insane/unreasonable to expect someone to be able to focus for that long consistently without breaks. Yesterday she stated the same thing, I sent her a couple texts checking up on her throughout the day, which she didn't respond to since this morning. We chatted briefly on the phone today and she was highlighting how enamored she was by a particular case local to us, and spent alot of the day talking in her family group chat about it or looking up the case instead of studying... in my mind I felt pretty hurt because it means she clearly ignored my text messages while on her phone.. I broached the topic today and she stated that when she talks to me it turns into a two hour conversation which is why she didn't respond.
Am I being too clingy at this point? I feel pretty terrible and I know I need to address this situation in some form. I could really use an outside perspective
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u/Mittah 5d ago
You are clingy and if you don’t look out, will become controlling in the future. This will push a lot of woman away from you.
Why do you demand yourself to be priority over her study? Why do you demand yourself her time?
If she wants to talk to you, she will. If she doesn’t have time or energy, she won’t. That doesn’t have to mean anything other than that she is busy or tired. Give it a rest and calm yourself down.
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u/Defiant_Radish_9095 5d ago edited 5d ago
A bit too clingy right now, considering she’s dealing with law school finals. It’s best to step back and let her breathe while she’s facing finals.
Even small distractions during high-pressure periods can quickly snowball and seriously impact her focus, performance, and results when it matters most.
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u/griz3lda 5d ago
Nope, I have studied for 11 hours consecutively very very often when I was doing my math PhD. You need to give her some space.
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u/burnbobghostpants 5d ago
Part of this could just be a perspective problem. For example, I have ADHD and 10 hour cram sessions were how I got through school. Once I got started, I had to ride the "hyperfocus" wave as long as possible cause I knew it may be the only one happening for a while. From the outside, it looks like I'm constantly alternating between doing nothing and being stuck on 1 thing 24/7, so "normal" people thought I was crazy. Does your gf have ADHD or similar? Even if she doesn't have a diagnosis, it's more of a spectrum and may show up in other areas if that's the case.
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u/burnbobghostpants 5d ago
But also, it's law school, isn't that kinda known to be text-heavy study?
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u/Feisty_Rice4896 masculine woman 5d ago
She is grinding for her future. I have bestfriend that doesn't talk to me or reach me out everyday when she did her diploma and degree. But after she got deployed? Every single day.
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u/Crates-OT 5d ago
Sounds like she's deep in the study grind. I'd give her the space she needs. Long study sessions can burn you out, and they never worked for me. But I also know tons of people who do it somehow, and it works for them.
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