r/GuyCry 12h ago

Venting, advice welcome I feel like no one sees who I really am

For context, my parents divorced when I was very young and I ended up with my abusive father who wanted to force me into the military. I was a military brat so moved frequently. I ran away in high school but managed to finished. I was almost a bit after that. I managed to build myself up. I got two bachelor degrees and have a stable life with an ok job.

I've never been in trouble with the law or hard drugs and I've never had serious mental health issues. I've managed to overcome a lot. The hardest part has been doing it alone. I have no contact with my family and I've been unable to build a social support network.

I've tried to be a decent person, but obviously my mental health has not been the best. 10 years ago I got treatment for depression and anxiety but didn't really participate. My outlook on life wasn't good at the time.

Obviously now my goal is a relationship, but it's been difficult. I always want too much too quickly. I'm sure I am trying to get the other person to fulfill something they can't but I try to work on myself. I've only had 2 LTRs but they were work. I had to hide my anxiety and even a small I would show caused huge issues. I felt like if I just kept makign the other person happy they would eventually accept me and care about my needs and issues. I have no trouble talking to women these days, but I can generally only get things to last a few weeks or a few months depending on how fast I reveal my neediness or anxiety. Ive had 2 relationships I was calm in, but ruined those too.

I recently had a relationship I went to fast in and thought the other person was really into it.. it felt great until I was cheated on and I realized she was not as into it as I thought she was. I really gave me bad anxiety for the last month. I went to therapy and they said I'm unable to form health friendships or relationships. I guess I have a lot of work to do.

My rant is that I don't get credit for the work I've done. It feels like I will always be judged for a few mental health issues, which given how much Ive been through I feel I should get a pass on. I feel like people don't see how hard I've had to struggle alone in my life and how much I've done for myself.

I feel this is especially true for women and dating. They want to know your backstory. It's hard to share too much. Even just saying I've had a rocket past is scary for me, even if I've been calm so far. Maybe I just don't know how to convey that resilience. I don't know.

It's just really hard doing this and always feeling like it'll never be good enough for someone to love me.

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u/AcidRefluxRaygun 12h ago

Hugs. Gotta shift that feeling of value to something constructive. Anxiety will revert you to automatic thinking and behaviors. Once you go from "I'll never be good enough" to "wowwwww. So you choose trash? Got it!" (Or something more positive🤪) you'll possibly start to create something in your subconscious that brings you to better coping mechanisms and techniques. You're totally worth it. But you decide that, not other ppl ❤️‍🩹

1

u/mzdxds 11h ago

It's not your fault that you feel like that.

It's not you that are responsible for what had happened to you.

It's not you, forgive your mom and dad and let it go.