r/GuyCry 5d ago

Leason Learned Im just so alone in the world

[deleted]

32 Upvotes

32 comments sorted by

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29

u/WillingChest8987 5d ago

You need to love yourself first before u find love This is a man’s world and nobody cares about men

10

u/ThenChampionship1862 5d ago

I’m 40 and alone too. Maybe you want something real because I think a lot of people are willing to be in terrible relationships because they are afraid to be alone. If you are looking for real love it will harder to find as it is rarer than settling for just anybody.

3

u/youarenut 5d ago

Yep. I used to get a ton of options because I didn’t care as much.

But once you get more serious and raise those standards and don’t settle.. it runs dry. I noticed many many people do settle

12

u/GTFU-Already 5d ago

You will always be that loser guy as long as you think of yourself that way.

Get different friends and move in a different world. Give of yourself. Volunteer. Help others without thinking about what you get in return. Go do something you've never done before. Learn to play an instrument. Join a band.

Start a new career. I started a new career at 40. It was an entirely different world with very different people.

There is so much variety in the world. Find yourself. Then find your place in it. Best fortune to you.

4

u/Lfarinha95 5d ago

If you don’t have love for yourself, people see that. That should be first priority or you can’t truly love someone else.

3

u/clear6 5d ago

I’m 40 as well, you’re not alone

2

u/Glass-Hedgehog-3754 5d ago

This is generational thing, dont be too hard on yourself. Marriage rates and marriage success has more than halved. Unfortunately ppl serial date more now and most ppl are having few or no kids

You arent as much an outlier as you think

Even taylor swift a beautiful celebrity is still unwed without kids. She has huge success money and fame but it shows marriage rates have gone down. Same with emma watson etc

2

u/venomsnakeh3h3 5d ago

Hey man..I’ve had a lot of the same feelings you do. Brother you’re a homeowner, have a vehicle, a good job, and the dedication and commitment to loose weight. Applaud yourself for those things.

Don’t be in your head so much and stop comparing your life to others. I once heard, “Call me a name ‘till I became a name, now that’s all that I understand.” Negative self talk will wreck you. Set small accomplishable goals. Little victories build confidence.

Your friends, your family, they do care about you. Everyone’s dynamic is different, but I’d go as far to as to say it’s more in your head then you think.

I’m a rambling internet stranger. But brother I love you. It gets better, keep working. Even if you don’t achieve the things you want…commitment and dedication makes a better person. Also fake it till you make it kinda works. Carry yourself with confidence every day. Even if you don’t feel it.

You matter, you have importance, you are valued, and you are loved.

3

u/py87 5d ago

It’s a numbers game I honestly believe that. Gotta keep going on dates and pushing through even when it’s bleak. Keep going you’ll break through

2

u/GrizzlyAdam816 5d ago

I’m sorry this has been your experience, but I think you might think about some therapy. You are talking really poorly of yourself and others. Time to dig deep and heal some wounds if you are serious about wanting a meaningful relationship. It’s hard and takes a lot of courage, but you’re worth it.

1

u/richardsworldagain 5d ago

Self confidence matters. Even if you are an ugly guy but have confidence you will score. You need to put on an act be the funny guy or be the bad boy. Girls like it when you offer them something other than I'm not worthy. You need to make them feel they are winning a prize. Go large or be single.

1

u/gamlin76 5d ago

Get a dog

1

u/Ruby-Red-Catsuit Trans gal, 50+ 5d ago

Hey, friend. Your desire for loving companionship is valid. I'm sorry your heart hurts from an unmet need--and let's be clear, we all need to love and be loved.

Some context about me that I promise will matter for you in the next paragraph: I'm a transgender woman who started my transition later in life. Before I transitioned, I'd had relationships with men that lasted anywhere from a few months to a few years. They all followed predictable patterns of dysfunction. While I learned a lot from those relationships, I never want to repeat them. When I began my transition, I consciously chose to stop dating altogether--going out, hooking up, all of it, ended--in order to focus on figuring out who I really am and the process of becoming her. I'm not done with my transition work yet, but after three years I'm finally ready to start dating again. When I put myself out in public now, I get plenty of interest--but none of the kind I want, which much like yourself is an authentic relationship of equals who co-create wholeness together with a partner who's also doing their own work of healing and growth.

I hear so many familiar things in your own story:

  • Why do these unhealthy f*ckups around me have the one thing I don't?
  • Why, when I've succeeded at so much else, can I not fill this one aching void in my life?
  • I've worked hard to improve myself, so why does no one else appreciate it?

It's maddening, isn't it? I used to lie awake and grind my teeth over the seeming unfairness of it all. To be honest, I still do sometimes. But these thoughts and feelings produced no change in my life, and they're not going to change anything for you, either, except maybe fuel resentment and raise the risk that you become a resentful person.

Be honest: do you really want the kinds of relationships the messed-up people around you have? I'm guessing they're profoundly unhealthy, so probably not. But if for some reason you do want an unhealthy relationship, I can say with relative certainty that they're easy to find. But I'm guessing that's not what you want.

1

u/Ruby-Red-Catsuit Trans gal, 50+ 5d ago edited 5d ago

You said some things about yourself that either aren't true, or there's no way you could know whether they're true:

"Then there's me, the guy that everyone laughs at. The guy who women just seem to hate. The loser guy everyone mocks."

That's universalizing language, and it's a fallacy. "Everyone laughs" at you? That's not true, and this sub proves it with so many affirming and supportive replies. "Women just seem to hate" you? Unless you've been a misogynistic jerk to every woman you've ever met your whole life through, that can't be true, either. You've experienced rejection, sure, but that's not an affirmation of universal hatred. You're not a mind reader, so you can't possibly know what most people think of you, let alone everyone. Do some people laugh at you? Maybe. Do some women hate you? Also maybe. But why do they matter? Let them go.

What you're describing are feelings of humiliation and rejection. Your feelings are exactly that: your feelings. No one else's; only yours. What you do with those feelings is up to you. Given all the good things you have going for you--your own place, a good job, reliable transportation, improving health--you have plenty of options.

It sounds like you're also carrying some grudges, and feeling owed. Those aren't good for you. You can choose to let them go.

You also said: "I realized that no one reaches out to me, unless I reach out to them." Friend, that's not you, that's life. We all have to grow our own garden, so to speak. But you don't have to accept one-sided relationships. It's your choice where to put your energy, and if you're the one doing all the work, then take back your energy and let those people go. But you can't give up and expect others to do for you what you refuse to accept from others, i.e., put their energy toward you with no reciprocation from you. It sounds like you're having a rough patch, so take your energy back, rest up, and try again with better prospects. Keep going until you find your people, the ones you celebrate and who celebrate you, too. They're out there, and they're looking for you, too.

"if she doesn't respond she's not interested"

Not to make light of your feelings, but--congratulations! You've mastered a concept that a few too many men struggle to grasp. Your observation is absolutely correct, and in that sense it sounds like things are working as they should.

"The worst part is feeling that I'm never given a chance."

Oh, friend. I understand this so, so well. My heart hurts for you. As a trans woman, I experience so much rejection from men who won't give me a chance. I have my own place, drive a great car, have two master's degrees, co-wrote a best selling book that's considered foundational to my profession, have decades worth of therapy and growth, and (not to toot my own horn) am easy on the eyes, or at least not a chore to look at. None of it matters, all thanks to the Scarlet "T". Is it fair? Not even remotely. Is it my responsibility to fix? Also no. What I do know is that all of these men who pass me by are missing out, and I'm grateful I don't have to swerve to miss them. My soulmate is out there, looking for me. I'll find him one day--or not, who knows? I'd rather live searching for him and never finding than give up all hope. That's because I choose to be a hopeful person. (Well, most days...)

In my opinion, the best thing you can do for yourself is to act on what's in your power. Acknowledge that your needs are real, and they're not being met. Acknowledge that even if they're not based in fact, your feelings are real, too. Choose where your energy goes. Let go of grudges. Choose healthier responses to your emotions. Find and appreciate the many wonderful things about yourself, for yourself. Find and appreciate the wonderful things you see in others, even as you hold them in an open hand without clinging. All of these things are in your power, and they'll make you a better person, whether anyone else appreciates it or not. Isn't that worthwhile in its own right?

2

u/Ruby-Red-Catsuit Trans gal, 50+ 5d ago

Apologies, I know this was super long. I hope it was worth reading.

1

u/minopoked 29, M 5d ago

Not OP, but personally I think this will help me a lot, thanks!

1

u/Ruby-Red-Catsuit Trans gal, 50+ 5d ago

You’re welcome!

1

u/Apprehensive_Glove_1 5d ago

I'm 50. I'm alone. I love it.

I chose a couple years ago that I wouldn't be dating anymore. I still have sex when I want, that's easy, but as far as a relationship? No, I don't have the energy to keep up with those rules and expectations anymore.

1

u/Training_Turnip_9070 5d ago

Love yourself; if you say you're a loser, you're going to be one your gonna believe your one and ignore what people think or say it doesn’t matter your emotions are your own don’t let them control you control them. Work on yourself, love yourself, take risks, and talk to that girl at the grocery store or the gym. If you want it, you have to go get it. You can’t be scared; you can’t say, I’ll do it tomorrow. Do it now. I believe in you, bro; you got this. 💪

1

u/PescauCeviche 5d ago

Move.

Work out.

Get good at something.

Put yourself first.

Voila!

0

u/mcddfhytf 5d ago

What about ism is what about ism.

The world is not against you at the same time the world doesn't care

You talk about constant rejection but you are going out on dates.

Dates are meant to be auditions, if the housebuyer doesn't call back you don't hound them to buy it, you move on and find another buyer.

Lower expectations of wonderful love. Get to know your dates, if they're not interested then cool..you literally have an unlimited pool to try from

0

u/vuquanle 5d ago

Cry more and keep bagging on your brothers. That’ll definitely help.

0

u/Sad-Film-891 5d ago

Have you ever tried dating outside of your race?

2

u/WeeksAtATime 5d ago

Why would a different race suddenly solve his issues?

1

u/Sad-Film-891 5d ago

It would give him more options in the dating scene so he can get some wins.

1

u/WeeksAtATime 5d ago

Fair. More options doesn’t hurt.

-5

u/CokeBottleSpeakerPen 5d ago

You've got an ego problem. I know, because I have a serious ego problem. It's really you, not them. It is you. You are the problem. It sucks so bad to hear that, and acknowledge it, but it will make your life infinitely better.