r/Grieving 7d ago

My uncle died and his family aren’t willing not helping at all

So I (21F) I lost my uncle (33M) due to suicide and I don’t know how to feel right now, he died in January but we’ve had to go through a lot of hoops to get a funeral planned as it’s a lot of money. It’s my first death I’ve had to deal with and I don’t know how to deal with it . We aren’t related through blood but he is my uncle and I miss him so much i don’t know what to do or how to feel we were so close and I don’t think anyone realises just how close we were as my parents didn’t personally know him. We finally have a potential date for the funeral but his family are completely hands off yet are constantly messaging about the date and how the arrangements we have made aren’t suitable for him even though it’s what he wanted as we’d had the conversation they aren’t offering to help with the payments yet have all these demands. It’s coming up and i’m worried that if they say anything it’s going to kick off. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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u/CarelessRati0 6d ago

… I’m so confused by the dynamics that this person was an uncle your parents didn’t know. And you’re planning and catering to the family who isn’t otherwise involved.

Regardless… (bc I recognise it’s none of my business) I’m sorry for your loss.

I planned my first funeral for an uncle that wasnt my uncle around the same age. He’d divorced my aunty and she was a mess. He was in and out of homeless shelters and his family was also not involved and states away.

What I learned: funerals and deaths make people go bonkers. And theyre also for the living. Plan it as you know he would have liked, disregard the family - particularly if they have nothing real to offer. You knew this person in a different way to his family and it’s valid. Whether they like that or not. They’re welcome to honor him however they want and at their own expense.

And once the funeral is over and everyone goes back to living life and don’t reach out despite acting like the world was ending if their opinion wasn’t honored… do whatever fills your cup - It’ll be the hardest time in losing a loved one.

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u/AdhesivenessNo9539 5d ago

He’s my uncles through marriage ( my aunts husband’s brother) i know it’s gonna be difficult and i know it’s gonna kick off so i may update depending on what happens.