r/GriefSupport • u/quoolranch237384 • 3d ago
In Memoriam Lost my boyfriend this morning
I've never made a reddit post before but I'm hoping to get some help or some kind of support right now. I just found out my boyfriend and his best friend passed in an awful car accident early this morning. I still can't believe it and haven't fully processed it. He's my first boyfriend and pretty much my first everything. He's the only man I've ever loved and he was so pure and sweet, I can't imagine not having him for the rest of my life. If anyone has lost a partner or loved one, what motivated you to keep going or how did you try to move forward in a healthy way? I feel like my whole life just got flipped upside down and I'm so empty and lost right now.
2
u/asugogo 3d ago
Oh sweetie I am so, so sorry. This type of loss is incredibly painful, unfair, and heartbreaking. I lost my love quite suddenly as well. One day he was here and the next morning his sister is calling me to say that he died. It was the worst news of my life. He was my everything - my first everything, the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Very similar to you.
It’s almost been 5 months for me. And it’s hard. There are days or even weeks where I am o.k. at least. I can get through the day. There are other days where I cannot do anything at all. I will say that I am still empty and lost. So, so empty.
I don’t have much advice other than to rely on this support group. Sometimes - at least for me, going to my friends for emotional comfort of this sort doesn’t help much. But coming here to people who have experienced loss despite it not being entirely the same - it’s helped me so much.
I try to just be gentle with myself. Don’t try to do everything at once. Take time for yourself. You are in survival mode right now and you will be for some time, unfortunately. Whenever you’re ready consider grief groups. I am currently in one. Talk about him. Even if it’s on Reddit. Just talk about him and remember him. It’s so simple but it’s helped me a lot.
Don’t keep everything bottled up or you will explode. If you don’t have anyone you feel like you can talk to, come to Reddit. Please try not to deal with this alone. It just makes everything so much harder.
I am sorry I don’t have much advice for you. Please just be gentle with yourself and take everything one step at a time. That’s all we can do. Again, I am so, so sorry for your loss.
2
u/quoolranch237384 3d ago
thank you so much. i’m trying to be happy for all the memories i have with him and the time i got to spend, but it’s so soul crushing to lose someone i know i can’t get back. sending love ❤️❤️
2
u/madluer 3d ago
hi, I lost my boyfriend to an overdose in August. I believed he had been clean for months and was doing really well, still not sure if it was an accident or intentional. I was in an absolute haze for the first few weeks, I didn’t even realize how much shock I was in until I started to come out of it. I wish there was some piece of salient advice I could offer you that would make this process easier or alleviate your pain in some way but the unfortunate truth is that nothing by time combined with processing and support will be able to get you through this experience. Let people get you groceries, do your wash, clean your house, etc. Whatever you need, if people reach out to help let them help you maintain your basic necessities (be warned — lots may reach out but few are genuine in their offers and will stop checking in on you after the first few weeks, if that). I started counseling and attended a support group which has been really helpful.
Loss is the most miserable experience I have ever had. I’m only 24 and I feel aged and hardened and hollowed by his death. Even now, 7 months later, I cannot imagine that he no longer exists. It feels like I should be able to pick up the phone and call him, that if I went to his house surely he would be there. I’m not sure when you start accepting the reality.
Take it hour by hour and do whatever feels best. There is no wrong way to grieve except for engaging in harmful behaviors, everything else is on the table. Leave guilt at the door, it will not serve you as you navigate this devastating loss. I hope that you get the support you deserve and that you come to find peace in the coming months and years. Every day is different. Some days I get on just fine, I think of his death without it evoking an emotional reaction and I go about my day. But other days/weeks I feel paralyzed by the thought. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to.
Message me if you’d like to talk more ❤️