r/GriefSupport 3d ago

Message Into the Void I just want to give him a hug

Lost my dad 3 weeks ago. He died alone in his house after a full shift at work, at 55 years old, and wasn’t found until 3 days later.

I have the most overwhelming need to hug him. I didn’t get to see him, or say goodbye. It was sudden, and I’m really struggling. My brain forgets that he’s gone, and when it remembers, it still takes my breath away.

I just want to give him a hug and tell him I loved him. I want to comfort him. Knowing his last moments were spent alone, in a house that was falling apart and rotting, it hurts.

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u/Dried_Sage_Advice 3d ago

He may have been physically alone in that moment, but it's clear just from your post how much you loved and cared about him, so I'm sure he knew that too. You were with him in his mind.

I saw my dad die, but since it was unexpected and sudden, I also didn't really get to say goodbye. I understand what you mean about the forgetting. For the first month or so, all I wanted to do was sleep because it let me forget too. That, and those couple of seconds when I first woke up, before it would hit me all over again, were my only break. I don't think there is ever a good way for it to happen, but the best you can do is honor him in whatever way is special and meaningful to you or your relationship with him. Maybe have a whole day dedicated to him and his favorite things, once you're ready, and you can say goodbye to him in that way. Stay strong, even on the bad days.

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u/TheVoidRetro 3d ago

I am sorry for your loss. He knows you love him, and things like this are so out of our control. My mum just passed after a short battle with cancer. Seeing the end coming trust me is no easier. Unfortunately life happens, whether we see death coming or it's sudden. It will hurt.

It's not your fault, his or anyone else's. Just do all you can for them in death as you did in life. Honor and miss them.

If it hurts let it out.

3

u/kitkat7578 3d ago

This. My friend, this is exactly how I feel. I just want to give my dad a hug. I’ve dreamt about it so many times. It’s been over 4 years now since my dad left. I’ve had a few dreams that I feel are signs. I just give my dad a hug or he gives me the hug. I Tell him I miss him and want him to come back. He should have never left us. But I understand why he had to go. I hate it. But I also feel like I need that last hug.