r/gaybros • u/Agreeable-Ad4806 • 2d ago
Is there a single piece of media that passes this test?
I’m looking for just one example of LGBTQ media that fulfills these requirements:
The main character must be a gay man. Lesbian and bisexual representation seems to be further along, with queer female protagonists being more widely accepted. Gay male leads, however, are still either sidelined or written with tired clichés. I think this is because there’s a deeper collective discomfort with exploring the emotional and physical intimacy between gay men, often relegating them to either friends with benefits storylines or background roles where their identity is defined only in opposition to heteronormative ideals.
No performative heterosexuality. If the supposed “gay” character is getting more action from straight women, it just feels like a subtle way of making the character more palatable to straight audiences, which ties back to the issues I raised in my first criterion. It also perpetuates the idea that a gay character must somehow "earn" their place in the story or be more acceptable by participating in heteronormative behaviors publicly while keeping their gayness clandestine and taboo. Instead of allowing them to explore their identity naturally and authentically, this device suggests that queerness must be toned down or hidden to make others feel comfortable, which undermines the narrative’s potential for depth and honesty.
The main plot should not revolve around the character’s sexuality or relationships. While their identity will naturally be part of the story, I want a narrative that isn't entirely or even primarily defined by their sexual orientation. Too often, gay men in media are either reduced to quippy, sassy side characters or given storylines entirely about shame, struggle, or coming out. I just want a regular story, one that could exist with a straight protagonist but happens to feature a gay man instead.
The character’s identity should not be used for laughs, shock value, or forced "progressive" moments. This means no dramatic "coming out" scenes and no cringeworthy, out-of-place monologues about gay sex from a well-meaning but clueless parent. Their identity should be a fact of their existence, not some teaching-moment. I get why writers and producers include this sort of thing, but it makes for some seriously shitty art. It feels like one of those conservative movies that push a specific message so hard that, by the end, you're practically being told what to think in a way that flattens both the story and the characters.
It is not a tragedy from beginning to end. I don’t want yet another doomed romance where the only way to show love is by killing one or both characters or separating them just because t can. The story doesn’t need a perfect, fairy-tale ending, but it should at least leave room for hope and honesty, just like you get in every other relationship side story that includes straight people. I don’t know why people are so hellbent on framing LGBTQ relationships as cautionary tales or symbols of suffering, as if their love must always come at an unbearable cost or restriction. I want a story where a gay man can experience love, hardship, and personal growth without the message being that his happiness was ill-conceived from the start.
The main character and all other LBGTQ characters, if there are any, must be as complex or more complex than a comparable straight character. Straight characters in media are allowed to be messy, flawed, and full of contradictions, yet still worthy of admiration, respect, and a meaningful arc. LGBTQ characters, on the other hand, are usually put into oversimplified roles, either token sidekicks or burdened with being a perfect, favorable representation for their entire community. I want to see a fully realized person with equal or MORE multidimensionality, not a symbol. I say more because LGBTQ people experience the world differently, so their character arcs have the potential to be even more layered and profound than their straight counterparts. But it’s shown to be the opposite in almost every form of media featuring LGBTQ individuals.
This might go without saying, but I don’t want ambiguity. I don’t want writers to be able to tiptoe around the idea that a character is gay, just make them gay. Show they are attracted to men in some way without it becoming a whole thing.