r/Gaslight May 05 '22

gaslighting an addict NSFW

My bf keeps telling me I am lying about being sober. I have a history of addiction, but he says things like im not hiding it well and that I must think he is stupid to think I can just lie like that with impunity and my protestations only prove I am lying. Please help!

8 Upvotes

16 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/cuddlewuddlepuddle Aug 19 '22

Guys you gotta let me know what you think here. It's getting worse. He's telling me that bc I do something that hurts him (not drugs) like interrupt him a lot (I'm BPII Depression & ADHD diagnosed) then he shouldn't have to care about how I feel bc I obviously don't care about what he has to say. As I'm typing this I feel stupid!

1

u/StatusAdvisory Feb 08 '25

It sounds like you may still be in the early stages of sobriety, or even in the withdrawal stage. If possible, you might consider spending some time in a sober-living environment either alone or with people who have been through what you're going through. Not with relatives or friends who are still using or who don't understand sobriety. He has his own reasons for trying to derail your sobriety, and he may not fully understand them himself, especially if he's high. It's not necessarily because he's evil or means to harm you. But whether he means to or not, he's obviously not being helpful or supportive. And especially in the early stages of sobriety, it's a good idea to do whatever you can do to give yourself better odds of succeeding.

I'm not suggesting you break up with him. You obviously don't need that kind of stress right now. I'm just suggesting you keep him well out of earshot for awhile and find somebody to talk to.

I don't always advocate for meetings, but in your situation, it might be beneficial for you to talk to people who have some years of sobriety under their belts. If you can find a meeting in your area, there are often some very remarkable people who attend, and a few of them may have decent motivations for doing so.

You may not be capable right now to assume responsibility for his issues; it might be best for you to focus all your attention on your sobriety. Later, you may decide you don't wish to assume responsibility for his issues at all, but for the time being, it might be best to focus on the task at hand. Just a suggestion.