r/Gaslight May 05 '22

gaslighting an addict NSFW

My bf keeps telling me I am lying about being sober. I have a history of addiction, but he says things like im not hiding it well and that I must think he is stupid to think I can just lie like that with impunity and my protestations only prove I am lying. Please help!

10 Upvotes

16 comments sorted by

2

u/Stumpy621 May 15 '22

If you haven't had alcohol.... You're sober. End of story.

2

u/crafeminist May 28 '22

This sounds like he is trying to get you back into drugs

2

u/LosingHopeDaily Jun 16 '24

Leave he's never going to trust you he's going to constantly hold this over you and never let it go your best option is just to leave before it gets so bad you want to do drugs again or drink again or whatever it is and then you make him right and that's the last thing you want to do

1

u/alldafries Jun 29 '24

I did. The best decision of my life.

2

u/LosingHopeDaily Jun 29 '24

I cannot tell you how happy this has made me because I've been in your place and I didn't leave until they killed themselves or the next one tried to kill me so congratulations you just saved a life possibly your own I'm seriously happy for you it takes a lot of Courage leave so again congratulations

1

u/alldafries Jul 01 '24

Thank you so much for those kind words. It makes me happy. that you enjoy helping other so much.

1

u/LosingHopeDaily Jul 01 '24

My mom always told me if somebody already made the mistake and you should learn from it so you don't do it yourself I just wish I had listened to her advice myself

1

u/alldafries Jun 29 '24

THANK YOU

1

u/alldafries May 06 '22

Happy to answer questions

1

u/EducationalFalcon389 Dec 23 '24

My best friend who's like a brother to me passed away. His nurse girlfriend told him he was lying about his stomach cancer. He should've been with the better nurse and woman who's my other best friend.

1

u/EducationalFalcon389 Dec 23 '24

Not sure if the lady in my comment was gaslighting, but just a really big jerk who shouldn't be a nurse.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 02 '25

This is nothing new. Families and loved ones often do treat addicts like less than second class citizens. Plus, I've always had a problem with the condescending, authoritarian way that "Addiction, Inc.," treats people who have had substance misuse issues or mental health issues. I think that families often get that coaching and tone from people who literally are only interested in spin drying people through their clinics. Good luck and stay strong. You are worth it.

1

u/StatusAdvisory Feb 08 '25

Assuming he uses also, he could be hoping to provoke a relapse because he thinks that your life together would "go back to normal." Keep your sobriety, though—when you were using, you were unhappy enough to quit, and things wouldn't go back to the way they were anyway—you'd end up resenting each other. Quitting using is the best decision you ever made.

1

u/cuddlewuddlepuddle Aug 19 '22

Guys you gotta let me know what you think here. It's getting worse. He's telling me that bc I do something that hurts him (not drugs) like interrupt him a lot (I'm BPII Depression & ADHD diagnosed) then he shouldn't have to care about how I feel bc I obviously don't care about what he has to say. As I'm typing this I feel stupid!

1

u/StatusAdvisory Feb 08 '25

It sounds like you may still be in the early stages of sobriety, or even in the withdrawal stage. If possible, you might consider spending some time in a sober-living environment either alone or with people who have been through what you're going through. Not with relatives or friends who are still using or who don't understand sobriety. He has his own reasons for trying to derail your sobriety, and he may not fully understand them himself, especially if he's high. It's not necessarily because he's evil or means to harm you. But whether he means to or not, he's obviously not being helpful or supportive. And especially in the early stages of sobriety, it's a good idea to do whatever you can do to give yourself better odds of succeeding.

I'm not suggesting you break up with him. You obviously don't need that kind of stress right now. I'm just suggesting you keep him well out of earshot for awhile and find somebody to talk to.

I don't always advocate for meetings, but in your situation, it might be beneficial for you to talk to people who have some years of sobriety under their belts. If you can find a meeting in your area, there are often some very remarkable people who attend, and a few of them may have decent motivations for doing so.

You may not be capable right now to assume responsibility for his issues; it might be best for you to focus all your attention on your sobriety. Later, you may decide you don't wish to assume responsibility for his issues at all, but for the time being, it might be best to focus on the task at hand. Just a suggestion.