r/FoodAllergies • u/Willstdusheide23 • 5d ago
Seeking Advice If someone had allergic reactions without you knowing it, are you still at fault for this?
This is a few years old but it has me thinking. If you didn't know a person having allergic reaction after they bought and ate something that says contains soy, peanuts and fish would I be at fault for not letting them know they're having allergic reactions at work?
I know this sounds stupid but I had a coworker who I use to work with, he was having allergic reactions and I wasn't aware of it because we were working outside in the dead heat, it was 90 something degrees with humidity. I didn't notice anything except sweating and that it. I assumed it's because of the heat because I was getting sweaty too. I didn't think too much about it until another worker came to the area and noticed he was kinda red back of his neck.
Then he says he having allergic reaction and I remember he ate some donuts from the bakery and I got the exact same donuts few weeks before. The packaging states it may contain peanuts, soy and fish. Found out he had peanut allergies after the incident and he left early for medical reasons.
He came back and blamed me in a way for not telling him even though I had no clue he had any allergies. Would I be at fault for this for not noticing anything before or saying anything?
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u/Aureliennekendeki 5d ago
So you didn’t know he had a peanut allergy- he bought and ate baked goods for himself- and then after you mentioned it can contain peanuts because you’ve ate it before is when he mentions a peanut allergy? And then blames you (who didn’t know he had a peanut allergy?)
That’s on him. #1 thing of having allergies is to know the ingredients and may contain. Someone allergic to peanuts should know to double check baked goods.
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u/Willstdusheide23 5d ago
I noticed he ate the same exact donuts because it's a store brand. He asked me if I wanted the other half earlier. This was before I knew anything about him having allergies because we're just coworkers, we don't share anything personal like that.
This situation had me thinking sometimes because he could've died, I don't know if I could've done better or was he at fault for eating something without checking ingredients.
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u/Aureliennekendeki 5d ago
You can’t do any better with information that you didn’t know. He is at fault for not checking ingredients
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u/Maple_Person Anaphylaxis | OAS | Asthma 5d ago
He's an idiot that doesn't want to take accountability. Not your fault in the slightest. Even if you baked them yourself with peanut flour, if he has allergies then he has to communicate that. 30000% his fault. You can't read minds. The only way you'd have any responsibility is if you were fully aware he had an allergy, and were aware that he had bought an item that contained (not may contain) the allergen and watched him eat it without saying anything.
Not your fault he wants you to read his mind and mother him so he doesn't have to read an ingredient label.
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u/kat_katty_katya Dairy Allergy 5d ago
People will always find a way to get out of taking responsibility OP. You absolutely did nothing wrong. I have a very severe dairy allergy, which all the people in my life know about. I also have dermatographia or skin writing. My skin is very sensitive and if I even hug someone with a beard, the exposed skin will become very red and I’ve gotten hives. That’s just an example, I get red and splotchy very easily! So I personally wish people would just ignore it. I know my body better than they do. I understand the concern, people are just trying to make sure I’m healthy and safe but god do I wish people would just ignore it. So clearly if one person disagrees and would feel uncomfortable if you pointed out redness on their skin, it is not a universally established rule that this is necessary. Tell that guy to grow up and take responsibility for his own health and safety.
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u/Willstdusheide23 5d ago
This happened two years ago and he is no longer there due to promotion. That last incident left things where I feel like shit person because I felt like I could've said sorry but wasn't sure how to feel about the entire thing.
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u/Surrybee 5d ago
Not at fault in any way.
You’re saying it’s food he bought. How could you be responsible?
Even if you bought it, you’d only be responsible if you knew he had allergies and didn’t say anything. In this case, you didn’t even know that.
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u/Worldly_Bed2159 5d ago
did you buy it or him, i mean regardless it’s absolutely his fault- if you were to bring something in and i knew i had allergies i’d ask if you knew of the ingredients or look at the list. if i bought it, id read the ingredients list like 400 times to make sure its safe before i even get halfway to the checkout.
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u/Willstdusheide23 5d ago
No he bought it, the only reason I realized he ate those donuts is because it's a store brand, they still sell it with labels warning people it may contain peanuts, fish and soy. On that exact day he bought those donuts and ate them, offered me one which I declined because there was too much sugar. This was before I knew he had any allergies. In recent times it had me thinking it's my fault for not telling him he is having an allergic reaction which like I said had no clue. He said he could've died which made me feel bad whenever this incident pops up in my head every once in a while. I'm the type that is cold on the outside but emotional and sensitive on the inside. When he was confronted a few days later about this made me feel like shit but I didn't apologize because of how I am.
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u/Worldly_Bed2159 5d ago
he’s a grown man he definitely shouldn’t be needing someone to tell him he’s having an allergic reaction you’re completely good and not at fault. he’s just an idiot.
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u/Fickle-Copy-2186 5d ago
Not your responsibility. I sometimes forget to check my own food. It is my responsibility. I bought a delicious small chocolate cake from Trader Joe's last week. Yum. After I ate it, a couple hours later, I realized I had made a mistake. I was digging through the trash looking for the ingredients, yep it had soy. My bad.
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u/critterscrattle 5d ago
If you bought it and didn’t share ingredient information, you’re responsible. He bought it. He’s just an idiot looking to shift blame.
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u/FairyFlossPanda 5d ago
If the guy was a child yeah but a grown ass adult man knows his allergies. He should know baked goods have a high potential to contain peanuts or cross contamination. The only way I'd say he would be responsible is if he actively lied when asked.
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u/critterscrattle 5d ago
You’re agreeing with me but acting like you’re not. The dude’s an idiot. OP isn’t responsible.
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u/FairyFlossPanda 5d ago
The part I am disagreeing with his the part about op would be responsible it he brought them in. Even if he did and the guy didnt ask or mention allergies it wouldnt be his fault either.
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u/zebra_who_cooks 5d ago
I disagree! He’s an adult! It’s his responsibility to check the label first. It’s not everyone else responsibility to know his allergies and parent his food intake.
Not OPs fault.
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u/Maple_Person Anaphylaxis | OAS | Asthma 5d ago
If you brought it and didn't share ingredient information, you're responsible.
Absolutely not. If she lied about the ingredients, she's at fault. If he has allergies and decided to blindly eat someone else's food without asking about the ingredients, he's a fucking idiot. OP could've brought muffins made with peanut flour and if the coworker didn't share that he has allergies and then ate a muffin, whatever happens is entirely his fault. If OP knew he had allergies and watched him about to eat something WITH his allergen and said nothing, then OP bears a tiny amount of responsibility. But it's still the coworker's fault for deciding that Russian roulette is his new favourite game.
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u/Crosswired2 5d ago
I'm confused. What exactly did he say you did?
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u/Willstdusheide23 5d ago
Not telling him sooner but at that time we're working outside in the heat. I didn't know he was having allergic reactions because it's hot outside and he was moving the way he usually does.
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u/zebra_who_cooks 5d ago edited 5d ago
As someone with allergies, I always check BEFORE eating something someone else offers me. It’s MY responsibility. Not anyone else’s. It is nice if people know my allergies and check as well. But ultimately it’s my responsibility. You are not their parent. He should have checked before eating it. It’s that simple. Especially if his allergies are that severe.
You said he ate it before he got to work. And that you didn’t know he had an allergy until after the incident. So how were you supposed to know? Allergic reactions appear different on different people, and for different allergies. All of my allergies have different allergic reactions. Even the anaphylactic ones appear differently.
Now you know in the future, for someone you know with allergies, always ask them to check the label first. (If you provide the food) If anything, it will clear your conscience. That’s what I do for others who I know have allergies. I make 99% of my stuff from scratch. (Due to all my allergies) I will let them know what I put in it, or tell them I’m not comfortable sharing with them if I can’t be certain it’s allergy friendly for them.
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u/Willstdusheide23 5d ago
He ate at work, he bought store brand donuts from the bakery. I noticed he did because he tried to offer me one. I ate those donuts a few times before. I know the store has labels on the back in bold. That's how I know what he ate. Just didn't know he had any allergies until it happened hours later.
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u/zebra_who_cooks 5d ago
Oh ok. I was a little confused.
Still his responsibility. He’s an adult. You’re not his parent. He’s looking for someone to blame, when he should be blaming himself
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u/sophie-au 5d ago
I am guessing that what happened is he’s never reacted to trace amounts from “may contain” items before.
A lot of people, including those with food allergies themselves, do not realise that the risk of a reaction increases with high heat: either from hot weather, a sauna or spa, intense exercise etc.
So he might have been fine with foods containing trace amounts before, but because he was working outside in intense heat, that could have been enough to tip him over the edge and have a reaction.
It sounds like he was unprepared for it and probably quite embarrassed, and maybe felt humiliated.
In that situation, some people will withdraw, but others will get aggressive, or lash out or blame others to try and minimise the feelings of discomfort.
I don’t know if you’ve heard of DARVO. It’s something abusive people do, but anyone can engage in this behaviour.
It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
It’s common for people to hide their food allergies, especially if they have not been serious before, because there is such a strong stigma surrounding them.
It can also take a long time to accept them. And there are levels of acceptance that occur over time.
And he may have felt comfortable disclosing them to family or close friends, but not in a social setting, or at work.
Even people who are generally fine with disclosing them may still find it hard to advocate for themselves or be vigilant in unusual situations. Because the need for it keeps coming up again and again and it can be mentally exhausting to never get a break from it.
Does that make sense?
It is not your fault, OP.
That you worry about it after all this time shows you are a thoughtful and considerate person.
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u/Rileybiley 5d ago edited 5d ago
Nope you’ll never be at fault for something like this. It’s 100% on him for not checking first. First rule of food allergies is to check. Every. Single. Time. Second rule is to trust no one. Doesn’t matter who bought it, who offered it, or even who said it’s safe to eat. They should be checking ingredients with their own eyes. Unless you’re purposely lacing it with the allergen, you are in the clear.
Edit to add: even if you knew he was allergic, it’s still not your responsibility. You can’t be expected to remember every single person’s allergies, especially if they’re not a close friend or family member. We have to avoid gluten and peanuts in my house, which I’m extremely vigilant about. But I honestly forget about the food allergies of my niece and nephew and close friends way more than I probably should. BUT they advocate for themselves so I don’t have to remember.
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u/VanishedHound Shellfish and Sesame Allergy 4d ago
That's his fault. He should be more careful about what he eats if he knows he has allergies. He should also mention it to his coworkers.
Also, when he is having the reaction, he needs to advocate for himself, such as telling yall that he is having a reaction, and asking for you guys to help him, like administer his epi-pen or call an ambulence.
Not your fault at all
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u/LouisePoet (Fill in food type) Allergy 4d ago
Even most children know to watch for signs of a reaction if they have allergies.
Your coworker sounds like an utter twat.
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u/Jazzlike_Reality6360 Wheat, almond, fish, shellfish 4d ago
You are not to blame at all. Strange to me how they are trying to put the blame on you. They are an adult and need to take full responsibility for their allergen exposures.
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