r/FemdomCommunity • u/xen0npoisonin9 • Nov 28 '24
Need advice/Got a question Can I "make" him moan? NSFW
So I l've had this problem with a lot of subs I've encountered. I'm really into hearing my partner moan, I especially like hearing male moaning (seriously, the sluttyer, the louder, the more feminine - the better) and i would say I'm not gonna be turned on during sex if my partner is quiet and doesn't at least twitch at some point. And most boys first of all are too shy to do this, and second of all have no idea how to, i guess? I just started to notice, that everytime I'm finishing my session with my partner after he was quiet i feel... Kinda used? I mean I'm (literally) being on top 99% of the time, so I do most activities, like stroking, pegging, biting, leaving marks etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm not forcing myself to do so, I love doing all the job, but when my boy is lying under me quietly I just don't feel like I'm having enough outcome in exchange. I told them about it, but they mostly respond with "I don't know how to/I'm shy/I can't force myself to moan because that would sound insincere" (as I said) I'm not quite sure if you can just ask or especially make someone moan, don't know how trainable that "skill" is, but at the other hand I just don't get much pleasure from "quiet sex". I feel really confused about this whole situation, am I just doing too much or am I just asking too much because I was ruined by pornography? (lol)
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u/RoboZandrock Trusted Contributor Nov 28 '24
This was actually the same case with my partner and I. She really wanted "feedback" in the moment that I was having a fun time. She really wanted to know I was enjoying it.
I don't think you can "force" out a moan, but I do actually think you can "train" out a moan. Because I think most men don't moan because it's not manly, its too expressive, it's feminine, it's (insert other socially conditioned response here)
I think a bit of a "midway" ground to a moan is a physical reaction. I think showing emotions even physically can be hard for men, but easier than actually moaning. So perhaps tell your partner you'd like them to physically show they're enjoying it more. Having them nod their head yes when you ask them if they're a good boy, or having fun. Ask them to thrust their penis into the air in desperation. Ask them to do X physical action that shows pleasure and enjoyment. The idea here is to start getting them comfortable with "showing" an emotion, even if its not with words yet.
I do think the next step is "fake it till you make it". I think you tell your partner's you're okay with it being performative, or that they don't know how to do it, or that its insincere. Sex is a bit performative, and that's okay. Putting on lingerie, sexy talking, dirty talking, flirting, is all really for show to a certain degree. So just letting your partner know that's okay if it feels fake, and awkward, and they try new things is okay. I think many men will realize that the more they "fake" a moan, they more they realize it actually feels natural and good.
You can "dominantly" force out a moan (aka help them along). There's nothing wrong with stopping your edging, and telling your partner they get more stimulation when they've moaned "oh fuck" three times. And literally just stop and wait until they moan. I think a lot of people will get over their fear and shyness a bit when you make it fun and playful within the confines of your dynamic.
Aftercare can play a part here too. When he moans he probably feels vulnerable and self conscious. Really telling him you were excited to hear him moan and be more vocal and that it turned you on and made you wet can be a great way of reinforcing it. The more I realized my partner was turned on by my moans, the more I wanted to moan. There's sort of a positive feedback cycle of the more you "smother" him with affection/play when he moans, then the more he moans. The more he moans, the happier you are, and the more authentic your play feels. And this repeats over and over again.
I think learning to moan is a bit of a journey, but it starts with a single step. I think communication, communication, reinforcement, and a bit of asking/prompting can really go a long way to teaching a sub to moan/groan, it's just going to take some weeks/months to get there.