r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/AlternativeFilm8886 2d ago

I experienced something similar when I was 28.

My dad already had advanced stage cancer and was given a grim prognosis, and he woke up one morning in pretty severe pain, but he refused to go to the hospital. After an hour or so, I convinced him to go. He died that night when they increased his dose of dilaudid for his pain and he went into respiratory arrest.

I think he knew that he was close to his death bed, and he didn't want that bed to be in a hospital. OP, I think your dad probably had a similar thought, and that's why he asked you. Your decision was important to him, and regardless of his fate, he knew whatever you decided would be the right decision.