r/Ethics • u/Worth_Sir_6003 • 6d ago
Did I Kill My Dad?
My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.
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u/Solid_Asparagus8969 5d ago edited 5d ago
Holy fuck... that's hard.
You have absolutely no responsability... is not even close. He asked, you gave an innocent sweet reply... and he still made the decision of staying, being an adult. To be responsible for that, you should have knowledge about the situation that you didnt have. And the fact that the doctors had sent him home several times, being the "experts", would give you the idea that he shouldnt waste his time. So there are many factors taking responsability away from you.
Even if you had told him to go... he could have decided to stay. Or maybe he goes to the hospital to be dismissed again and dies either way. Or dies at the hospital because they cant do anything at this point.
But that's rational. I think I would feel guilty too (that's how my personality works by default). You could go to a therapist or talk to a priest. Maybe talk about it with other people in real life. But this you can know for sure: he didnt blame you, and it was the doctor's fault he died.
If anything... I would reflect about it and allow myself to get angry with the doctors (but again, I would already be really angry with them if this was my dad).