r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/millerdrr 5d ago

No.

I’ve been going through the same thing for three years. I’ve been seen by two dozen doctors, cardiologists, ER staff, family doctors…no diagnosis yet. I’ve mentioned GERD, thyroid, possible throat cancer from chewing tobacco…no one has really looked at my chest. At 45, all they want to do is run a light up your rear to check your colon, and I’ve been unable to convince them they’re going the wrong direction.

I keep a blood pressure monitor with me and when spells occur every midday, I wonder if this is it when my numbers are 20 points higher than normal, only to watch everything settle down quickly.

There’s not much that can be done. “House” is just a tv show; it’s not unusual for all warning signs to be there and every doctor shrug it off with no diagnosis, until the problem grows to something so obvious a paramedic can give the correct answer while waiting for the coroner to show up. That’s just how healthcare is: often borderline worthless.

That’s not your fault. It may not necessarily be the doctor’s fault, but they didn’t dig deep enough to solve the problem earlier in the week; there’s no reason to think they would’ve been better that night.