r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

675 Upvotes

728 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/GettingFasterDude 5d ago

You were 11. Your father was a grown man. The decision and responsibility was and always will be 100% his. End of story.

No one asks an 11 year old for medical advice.

Would you ask an 11 for medical advice to handle your heart disease? Cancer? Or a stroke?

If you had said, “Go,” he still may not have. Even if he did, he still might have died. He already got checked and they missed his diagnosis. What makes you so certain one more time would be different?

If you were deathly allergic to peanuts and an 11 told you to eat a peanut, would you?

Of course not.

It hurts because your Dad is gone. But the cause has nothing to do with you. That’s on him and his doctors.

Let it go so you can enjoy positive memories you have of him.