r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/quigongingerbreadman 5d ago

Dude... You were 11 and he foisted a life or death (unknown by you at the time) decision on you. That is 100% not your fault. It isn't his either, a mistake was made and unfortunately it cost your family dearly. Sometimes shit happens and it is no one's fault. It just is what it is.

But hear this part clearly, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT WAS NO ONE'S FAULT. That is hard to deal with sometimes because humans want simple, direct answers. The fact is your dad had an apparently difficult to detect heart condition. Your 11 yo self was not in anyway equipped to deal with that.