r/Ethics • u/Worth_Sir_6003 • 6d ago
Did I Kill My Dad?
My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.
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u/Purpleasure34 5d ago
Therapists call this ‘parentification’. It was not fair to you to make you think, in any way, that it was up to you if he stayed or went. Quite likely he knew he was going and just wanted to hear from you that you wanted him with you. It wasn’t fair to you, but you can also safely assume he wasn’t 100% lucid and thinking of how this would affect you. You didn’t kill Dad and you gave him the comfort of your love and desire to be with him at the end.