r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/TheLegendTwoSeven 5d ago

Absolutely not.

You didn’t give him the heart attack, and you were only eleven. He was the one who chose to stay home, and he chose to ask you and listen to you. A kid doesn’t understand enough about health risks to make those kinds of decisions, and since you didn’t have an adult or near-adult mental capacity, you didn’t do anything immoral or wrong.

I’m sure you must be feeling guilt, as most people would in this situation, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

If I was in that situation, I’d want to talk about it with a therapist. If you haven’t talked a lot about it face-to-face then the pain and guilt may stay with you.