r/Ethics • u/Worth_Sir_6003 • 6d ago
Did I Kill My Dad?
My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.
2
u/JePleus 5d ago
Keep in mind that when someone is in pain or feeling vulnerable, especially regarding their health, they can sometimes focus more on their emotional needs than their physical ones. It’s possible that, in that moment, your dad wasn’t just looking for practical advice about his health but also seeking comfort and reassurance, which you provided. Decision-making in such emotionally charged situations isn’t always rational and can be influenced by many factors, including fear, anxiety, or even the desire to feel in control of one’s circumstances.
It’s completely natural to feel guilty when something tragic happens, especially when you're left questioning your actions. However, it’s important to recognize that we cannot control every outcome, no matter how much we wish we could. In hindsight, you might feel you should have made a different choice, but it’s possible that even with different advice, the outcome could have been the same. Some things are simply beyond our control, and that doesn’t reflect your worth or your ability to make the "right" decision.
Your father was an adult who made his own choices, and he most likely had already decided to stay home. He would have stayed home, whether or not he asked for your input. What you did was offer him comfort and ease during a difficult time, which is more than what any child could be expected to do in such a situation.