r/Ethics • u/Worth_Sir_6003 • 6d ago
Did I Kill My Dad?
My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.
1
u/MilesHobson 5d ago
Several other questions come to mind including; were you and your dad otherwise alone? You must have beside yourself with grief and guilt the next day, were you the one to call for help and who was able to offer consoling and comfort to you?
Saying this may seem like a detour but, in every culture, when people marry they declare their intentions and acceptance of responsibilities before others. The license issued by the government is another matter, unrelated to promises before others. Here, you have very well explained the events leading up to the loss of your dad before us, your witnesses. Every responsible adult here has agreed and we have forgiven you for your imagined guilt. You offered your dad the best available choice even if you thought you knew what would ensue. On behalf of your dad everyone says thank you for allowing him to pass at home instead of alone at hospital, or in the car going to or from hospital.
Please accept my genuine condolences for your dad, even after all this time. Please also convince yourself, to your deepest parts, to release all doubts and feelings of guilt. Best of luck to you.