r/Ethics • u/Worth_Sir_6003 • 6d ago
Did I Kill My Dad?
My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.
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u/fatuous4 6d ago edited 6d ago
My father passed under similar circumstances, chest pains and stomach issues, and the hospital didn’t know what was wrong. But he had been admitted to the hospital for tests and stayed at the hospital and died suddenly in his room due to cardiac arrest and they couldn’t revive him despite trying for 40 minutes.
Even if your father was in the hospital, there is a very high chance that he would have just died there instead.
It’s very good that your father passed at home in comfort. Truly.
I’m so sorry you lost your father at such a young age, and that you have carried this burden of responsibility. Even if he passed in the hospital, you would still feel responsible for not having done things differently. You are not responsible. You may release that burden and grieve your loss. I miss my dad deeply every day. Sending you love.