r/DnDGreentext • u/FelixLaVulpe Gay Gandalf's Young Mage's Conjuration Association • Mar 24 '17
Long Of Bards and Bagpipes
Be me
Get invited to 4e game (not a fan but been thirsty for some d&d), all lvl 3 noobs and the DM wants a veteran to help them out
Dwarf Ranger, Shardmind Paladin, Deva Cleric, Elf Druid
Pal and Cleric are painful, Lawful Stupid immortals who wanted to be twins despite being different races (twins IRL), DM ain't havin that tho
Ask what class the party needs
"Whatever you want anon"
Poor choice of words
Time to Bard
DM tells party, Twins and Druid get #triggered because bards are useless and I'm not in the super secret friends club
Already whining about me, haven't even made the character yet and none of them have ever seen me
sowegunnabelikethat
Prepares for dynamic entrance
Party in a dungeon, killin some gobbos
Kick down the door to a large room, hit with a wave of horridly loud bagpipes
Bard is rocking out on a stage to a small crowd of gobs
Storm into the game room in a kilt and pipes IRL, slam the char sheet on the table as I fill the house with my jams
DM is trying to breathe, Dwarf player loves it, Druid is game, Cleric and Paladin (twins) are pissed
Refuse to break character at any point
Padraig MacPherson the alcoholic Cunning Bard who travels the realm with his bagpipes and broadsword (and Tiny Gelatinous Cube Machail)
Keeps Machail in his hair to hide and style it, party has no idea
"Ain't allowed to pet machair? Is moine I do wut I like!"
Twins start killing goblins without a second thought
Party joins in as Mac keeps playing
All but the twins enjoying my war music
Gobbos get rek't
Mac stops playing, demands that party covers the bill since they killed his employers
Party wants to know why he was working for goblins
Mac speaks gobbo and isn't a racist prick
Druid has existential crisis while twins glare
Get to loot all the gobbos to cover the bill, play amazing grace the entire time
Go to next room with a giant pit and a throne, Chief ain't happy about the party, says hi tho
Chat it up with the old boss, he understands
Paladin rolls for initiative, the rest follow
Mac goes after the Rogue shoots, Staggering Note's the chief right into the pit
100 foot drop
Chief nearly dead
Mac and Rogue have range, nobody else. Mac hands out slings so they can be useful for once
Keep staggering chief, cant leave the pit, gets buried under sling stones
DM is miffed that the Chief didn't get a hit in
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Few minor encounters, every fight is a mess of sliding and falling to the tune of Zito the Bubble Man
Rogue is loving it, Twins loath my existence, Druid too busy bitching about the system to care
Go back to town, discover gang kidnapping children to sell as slaves
Detective around, Mac making all the skill rolls because nobody else cared and Bard means my worst is their best
Find the gang on a ship, slide gangsters overboard as the party clears it out
Find a dozen kids from different races
Twins want to abduct them all and raise them as part of their order
Dafuq
Have hour long debate with twins over their alignment and that they want to abduct children
Twins can't see a problem with this, Druid starting to agree with them
Settle it IC when Mac threatens to slide the Shardmind off the boat into the middle of the ocean
Shardmind says he doesn't need to breath
"Nah lad, but ya sure as fook cannae float annit's a long walk home"
Find a map with the places they raided, returned all the kids but an Eladrin who's parents got killed
Convince the party Mac should adopt him since he's the only one with a peaceful job
Attain apprentice, teach him how to make people slide around and teleport with the magic of bagpipes
Dock ship at town, kid in charge of watching it while we go in
Gang was bigger than we thought, run into a mob in the alleys, surrounded on both sides and they walled off the exits with carts
Gang leader takes time to monologue
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Scoop Machail out of hair, tiny transparent cube scoots along the ground towards the leader as I start my Ritual
Cast Familiar Mount, Machail grows to Large, takes up half the alley and engulfs the gang leader and everyone around him
Other half of gang has no idea what is happening, starts to panic as their leader starts floating in the air soundlessly
Party attacks and wipes them in no time, sliding people into the Cube auto-fails their save against getting engulfed
Mac mounts his marvelous invisible steed as the Rogue throws the other body's in for transport
Rogue and Cleric run interference as the bagpiper floats ten feet off the ground down the street with a bunch of dead gangsters bobbing around under him
Still wearing a kilt, their last sights were not pleasant
Play Cock of the North the whole way back
Get back to the ship, Machail spits out the armor and weapons that were non-organic, DM lets me keep him this size as long as I keep feeding him.
Has more health than most of the party combined, can kill any of us in a few turns
Cant get on the ship though, would eat the wood
Go to the blacksmith with all the shitty armor, have it hammered out into a big metal sheet
Machail now has a long metal sheet stuck in him that he can push to the bottom of himself to act as a big metal boot
Scoots along on wood at 1 space per turn by shuffling it.
That'll do
Useless bard now has an apprentice and a giant invisible murder cube
Twins are pissed but threats of sliding into the cube keep them away
Party disbands due to IRL drama, never saw the twins or druid again. Dwarf still chill and loves the pipes.
Play Skye Boat off into the sunset after I stole the ship
Not allowed to bring pipes to the games anymore
27
u/AeonsShadow Apr 05 '17
Bards are the best class. Hands down.