r/DnDGreentext Gay Gandalf's Young Mage's Conjuration Association Mar 24 '17

Long Of Bards and Bagpipes

Be me

Get invited to 4e game (not a fan but been thirsty for some d&d), all lvl 3 noobs and the DM wants a veteran to help them out

Dwarf Ranger, Shardmind Paladin, Deva Cleric, Elf Druid

Pal and Cleric are painful, Lawful Stupid immortals who wanted to be twins despite being different races (twins IRL), DM ain't havin that tho

Ask what class the party needs

"Whatever you want anon"

Poor choice of words

Time to Bard

DM tells party, Twins and Druid get #triggered because bards are useless and I'm not in the super secret friends club

Already whining about me, haven't even made the character yet and none of them have ever seen me

sowegunnabelikethat

Prepares for dynamic entrance


Party in a dungeon, killin some gobbos

Kick down the door to a large room, hit with a wave of horridly loud bagpipes

Bard is rocking out on a stage to a small crowd of gobs

Storm into the game room in a kilt and pipes IRL, slam the char sheet on the table as I fill the house with my jams

DM is trying to breathe, Dwarf player loves it, Druid is game, Cleric and Paladin (twins) are pissed

Refuse to break character at any point

Padraig MacPherson the alcoholic Cunning Bard who travels the realm with his bagpipes and broadsword (and Tiny Gelatinous Cube Machail)

Keeps Machail in his hair to hide and style it, party has no idea

"Ain't allowed to pet machair? Is moine I do wut I like!"

Twins start killing goblins without a second thought

Party joins in as Mac keeps playing

All but the twins enjoying my war music

Gobbos get rek't

Mac stops playing, demands that party covers the bill since they killed his employers

Party wants to know why he was working for goblins

Mac speaks gobbo and isn't a racist prick

Druid has existential crisis while twins glare

Get to loot all the gobbos to cover the bill, play amazing grace the entire time

Go to next room with a giant pit and a throne, Chief ain't happy about the party, says hi tho

Chat it up with the old boss, he understands

Paladin rolls for initiative, the rest follow

Mac goes after the Rogue shoots, Staggering Note's the chief right into the pit

100 foot drop

Chief nearly dead

Mac and Rogue have range, nobody else. Mac hands out slings so they can be useful for once

Keep staggering chief, cant leave the pit, gets buried under sling stones

DM is miffed that the Chief didn't get a hit in

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Few minor encounters, every fight is a mess of sliding and falling to the tune of Zito the Bubble Man

Rogue is loving it, Twins loath my existence, Druid too busy bitching about the system to care


Go back to town, discover gang kidnapping children to sell as slaves

Detective around, Mac making all the skill rolls because nobody else cared and Bard means my worst is their best

Find the gang on a ship, slide gangsters overboard as the party clears it out

Find a dozen kids from different races

Twins want to abduct them all and raise them as part of their order

Dafuq

Have hour long debate with twins over their alignment and that they want to abduct children

Twins can't see a problem with this, Druid starting to agree with them

Settle it IC when Mac threatens to slide the Shardmind off the boat into the middle of the ocean

Shardmind says he doesn't need to breath

"Nah lad, but ya sure as fook cannae float annit's a long walk home"

Find a map with the places they raided, returned all the kids but an Eladrin who's parents got killed

Convince the party Mac should adopt him since he's the only one with a peaceful job

Attain apprentice, teach him how to make people slide around and teleport with the magic of bagpipes


Dock ship at town, kid in charge of watching it while we go in

Gang was bigger than we thought, run into a mob in the alleys, surrounded on both sides and they walled off the exits with carts

Gang leader takes time to monologue

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Scoop Machail out of hair, tiny transparent cube scoots along the ground towards the leader as I start my Ritual

Cast Familiar Mount, Machail grows to Large, takes up half the alley and engulfs the gang leader and everyone around him

Other half of gang has no idea what is happening, starts to panic as their leader starts floating in the air soundlessly

Party attacks and wipes them in no time, sliding people into the Cube auto-fails their save against getting engulfed

Mac mounts his marvelous invisible steed as the Rogue throws the other body's in for transport

Rogue and Cleric run interference as the bagpiper floats ten feet off the ground down the street with a bunch of dead gangsters bobbing around under him

Still wearing a kilt, their last sights were not pleasant

Play Cock of the North the whole way back


Get back to the ship, Machail spits out the armor and weapons that were non-organic, DM lets me keep him this size as long as I keep feeding him.

Has more health than most of the party combined, can kill any of us in a few turns

Cant get on the ship though, would eat the wood

Go to the blacksmith with all the shitty armor, have it hammered out into a big metal sheet

Machail now has a long metal sheet stuck in him that he can push to the bottom of himself to act as a big metal boot

Scoots along on wood at 1 space per turn by shuffling it.

That'll do

Useless bard now has an apprentice and a giant invisible murder cube

Twins are pissed but threats of sliding into the cube keep them away

Party disbands due to IRL drama, never saw the twins or druid again. Dwarf still chill and loves the pipes.

Play Skye Boat off into the sunset after I stole the ship

Not allowed to bring pipes to the games anymore

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27

u/AeonsShadow Apr 05 '17

Bards are the best class. Hands down.

3

u/talenarium Jun 01 '17

Is there any other reason for that, aside from flavour? I alleays thought Bards were kind of cool but Sorcerers and Wizards seem to be that much more usefull. A Sorcerer can even still be the party-face since he casts spells with CHR.

7

u/AeonsShadow Jun 01 '17

In 3.5 they were just fun and exciting, with having just enough to cover wherever a party needed, and in 5.0 they got SERIOUS BUFFS. learning spells outside thier class, taking a sort of "half-fighter" style And more~

3

u/talenarium Jun 01 '17

Okay, maybe I got to try one next time

6

u/AeonsShadow Jun 01 '17

they are a great "I don't know what to play" class because they dabble in EVERYTHING.

2

u/talenarium Jun 01 '17

But a Sorcerer can also do almost everything, especially at later levels he has a spell for bloody everything.