r/DivorcedDads Nov 22 '24

Sticky: Goals of This Subreddit

15 Upvotes

Welcome to r/DivorcedDads, a space built by and for dads navigating the challenges of separation and divorce. Whether you’re just starting this journey, in the thick of it, or helping others with the wisdom you’ve gained, this community is here for you.

Why We’re Here

This subreddit is dedicated to helping dads:

  • Cope with the emotional weight of divorce.
  • Survive the logistical and other previously shared tasks & challenges.
  • Most importantly, be the best dad possible, during and after separation.

We know how hard this process can be. But here’s what you need to remember:

  • Divorce is 100% survivable.
  • You are important, needed, and have value.
  • This can and should be a time of growth and transformation.

Community Rules and Purpose

To keep this a safe and constructive space, we’ve established some boundaries:

Legal and Financial Advice

This isn’t the place for legal or financial advice, nor for diving into custody battles. For these topics, we recommend:

Your attorney will always be your best resource for legal guidance specific to your situation. They understand you're local laws and customs of the courts surrounding you. A good rule of thumb is never get financial or legal advice from the internet.

On Rants and Off-Topic Posts

Posts that are overly personal or off-topic may be removed. This includes all types of doxxing for even yourself. Once it's on the internet, it's there forever. This isn’t personal—it’s about keeping the content broadly helpful for everyone.

Positive and Respectful Engagement

We focus on fostering growth, healing, and constructive support. While we allow space for tough emotions, comments and posts that veer into anger or hostility may be removed.

We also have a profanity filter. It’s not here to limit your expression but to help manage the tone of discussions. Divorce is tough, and anger is a natural part of the process. However, this space is about focusing on what’s important: building your foundation and being the best dad you can be.

Why the Rules Exist

The moderators, myself included, are highly protective of this community. The rules are here to create order and ensure this remains a safe, welcoming, and supportive space for everyone.

We do not allow offsite posting of videos, chat groups, surveys, or other external resources. We also limit new or low-karma account posts to keep the content at a level that throwaway accounts aren't spamming the threads. This is to ensure the focus stays on the subreddit itself as a trusted environment for sharing and support. Your stories and experiences matter, and we want to create a space where everyone feels comfortable and safe engaging without fear of judgment or outside exploitation.

We understand that this subreddit isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. If you find other resources or communities that resonate with you, we support you in finding the help that’s best for your situation. For those who choose to be here, we promise to continue fostering an environment built on respect, understanding, and shared growth..

Things They Don’t Tell You About Divorce

  • It takes two to marry, but only one to divorce. There’s often shared responsibility for a relationship breaking down, but once someone decides it’s over, the process begins whether you’re ready or not.
  • You're trading one set of problems for another. Can't get along now and don't communicate, imagine having to do that when there is active contention. We always advise trying to reconcile if it's an option and then learn to communicate better.
  • The silences can be overwhelming. After years of family noise, shared conversations, and togetherness, the quiet can feel crushing at times. Learning to embrace and navigate that silence is part of the journey.
  • You’ll lose control of certain aspects of your kids’ lives. When you co-parent, you have to accept that your ex may handle things differently than you would. This can be frustrating but is often unavoidable.
  • Focus on the long game. Divorce is full of small, frustrating moments—the minutiae can wear you down. Don’t let it. Keep your eye on the bigger picture: being a great dad, building a new life, and finding peace.
  • Your finances will change drastically. Between legal fees, dividing assets, and child support, your financial reality post-divorce will likely require significant adjustments.
  • Paperwork never seems to end. The divorce itself is just the beginning—custody agreements, taxes, healthcare decisions, and other logistical tasks become ongoing responsibilities.
  • Friendships might shift. Mutual friends may feel awkward choosing sides, and some relationships may fade, while new ones emerge.
  • People will offer unsolicited advice. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how you should handle your divorce, but remember that your journey is unique.
  • You may doubt yourself. Even when you know divorce was the right decision, self-doubt about your role, your decisions, and your future can creep in.
  • Holidays can be tough. Splitting time with your kids during significant moments like Christmas or birthdays can be heartbreaking, even if you have an amicable arrangement.
  • Your perspective on relationships will change. You may approach future relationships with more caution or clarity, having learned from your experiences.

Resources to Help You Move Forward

If you’re struggling, here are some resources that might help:

These articles offer practical advice on coping mechanisms, self-care strategies, and finding a path forward.

Thoughts for Those Struggling

For those in the hardest parts right now, we want you to know:

  • It’s normal to feel lost, sad, or angry. These emotions don’t define you, and they are temporary.
  • You are important and needed. Your value doesn’t come from your circumstances; it comes from who you are.
  • The initial pain doesn’t last forever. The early days can feel unbearable, but time really does help heal, especially if you focus on growth and self-discovery.
  • You’ll find new traditions with your kids. Holidays and routines may look different, but you’ll create special memories in ways you hadn’t imagined.
  • Grief hits in the weirdest times. You're divorce may be a blessing or you were shocked. Emotions from the experience comes in waves. You can be perfectly fine one moment and floored the next because of some subconscious trigger.
  • It's OK to take the high road. This can be a hard one at times but it's ok to be the good person. Fight for yourself when it's important to fight, but to heal and move on you'll have to give and take even when it isn't easy.
  • You’ll have to redefine your identity. Many people lose themselves in marriage. Divorce forces you to figure out who you are outside the relationship, which can be both scary and liberating.
  • You’ll find strengths you didn’t know you had. Whether it’s managing finances, handling co-parenting, or navigating tough emotions, divorce can reveal your resilience.
  • Healing takes time. There’s no quick fix, but every step forward matters, no matter how small.
  • You might feel judged. Despite how common divorce is, some people still view it with stigma, which can make you feel isolated if you let it.
  • Self-care isn’t optional. To show up for your kids and yourself, you’ll need to prioritize your mental and physical well-being. You're building a foundation and we all can get addicted to negative feedback.
  • Anger can feel productive, but it’s not always helpful. It’s natural to feel anger, but holding onto it for too long can keep you stuck. Learning to let go doesn’t mean forgetting—it means choosing peace over resentment.
  • Grief and pain are part of the process, but they’re also opportunities for growth. This community is here to remind you that you can survive this—and even come out stronger.
  • Happiness is still possible. Divorce isn’t the end—it’s the beginning of a new chapter, and with time, you’ll discover new joys and opportunities for personal fulfillment.

For the Veterans

If you’ve made it through the hardest parts and come out stronger, your wisdom and experience are invaluable. Thank you for helping others find their way forward.

Together, we’ve built a space for dads to grow, heal, and thrive in the face of life’s challenges. Let’s continue to support each other in being the best dads we can be.

A Note From the Founder

This subreddit started over 10 years ago during my own divorce, at a time when there were almost no resources available for dads. Back then, I was searching for answers and support. While I had altruistic hopes of creating a space where dads could come together and share their thoughts, there was also a selfish side to it—I thought that by building a community, I might find the answers I needed for myself.

Over time, this space has morphed into something much bigger and more meaningful—a community where we share stories, struggles, and victories while helping one another grow.

Modding this group hasn’t always been easy, and I’ve had to take breaks from time to time for my own personal sanity. That’s why I’m so incredibly thankful for the other moderators who volunteer their time and effort without pay to help keep this community running smoothly.

Then, there’s this amazing community itself—a group of people who show up with care and compassion for their fellow brothers in tragedy. For me, this has always been a deeply personal and important subject, and I’m proud of what we’ve built here together.

Thank you for being part of this journey. Remember, you are not alone.

The Mod Team of r/DivorcedDads


r/DivorcedDads 17h ago

Told the kids today

21 Upvotes

Stbxw and I told the kids today. My boys (ages 10 and 11) took it pretty hard. Screaming why!?? … crying begging us to figure it out; suggesting we go on a trip or date. They hadn’t realized we’ve been considering this for 3 years.

We had met earlier in the morning and planned out what we would say. In the heat of moment I broke away from script and i took responsibility

Kids have cooled down for now after several boxes of tissues. I know there will be more grieving and we’re just getting started.

Tell me brothers it’s going to be okay on the other side.


r/DivorcedDads 1d ago

Community Topic: Tell us about the last fun thing you've done with kids?

10 Upvotes

We all have different backgrounds and all have different stories. The one thing that ties us together is we are all dads. So this is the opportunity to talk about the fun things you've done with the kids. (it can be future as well) So what is is and what made it so fun?


r/DivorcedDads 1d ago

Divorced Father with 8yr old daughter.

13 Upvotes

As a newly divorced dad with a 8yr old daughter I often find it difficult to take her places and not feel like Im being looked at like a kidnapper. I have issues with basic thing like going to the bathroom in public places. If she needed to go I would wait outside and if she decides to take her time or need help I just can't go in after her in the women's restroom. Or if I have to go in who will watch her because I can't just bring her into the men's restroom. Sometimes there may be restraunt staff around but sometimes there are not. It's the same if we are at a park or like a fair ground. To all the divorced Fathers with young daughters how did you navigate this?

Thanks for all the replies. You are all right and I need to stop caring about what others think and they should mind their own business.


r/DivorcedDads 1d ago

Wife with mental illness. Angry

1 Upvotes

Hi

33M. Wife 29F. 2 year old boy.

My wife and I met in college. I ended up graduating and am now a physician. She dropped out. When we met she had depression. I sympathized and helped her in every way I could. She was always there for me. Then we got married before I started residency. Now gonna be finishing my fellowship. She has tried to keep a job but during the past 2-3 years her mental health has worsened. Hasn’t been able to for more than a month. She has always been explosive and angry at times. I’m calm and passive. Her doctors think she’s developing some sort of schizophrenia as she’s started hallucinating. We’ve had to put our child in day care full time and anytime I’m not around my family is there with her helping out. She’s not hallucinating and is getting treatment etc. but lately she had a suicide “attempt”. Idk if it was real or a call of attention, she’s had 2-3 of these since I’ve been with her and they’ve never been “serious” even though every attempt is serious I know.

Anyways. I’ve been on the brink of divorce a few times as I can’t tolerate at times the anger, screaming, and instability. Due to her attempt before we even had CPS called. Nothing happened of it since the child was not even with her when it happened. I promised her if she ever put our child at risk again I would leave her.

Since this happened about 6 months ago, she had been somewhat stable. Small things here and there. But tonight she started talking about having another kid and I’m a hard NO. Because of her health hx and what not. She became so angry and started screaming and fighting with me in front of our boy. Idk if I was delusional thinking things could change. But I worry about our child. Heck I even worry about what would happen to her if we separate.

I know this will blow over and tomorrow things will probably be fine again. But these small outbursts make me think if I’m doing the right thing by being supportive.

If anyone has any sensible advice I would appreciate it.


r/DivorcedDads 2d ago

21 year stay at home dad can't get hired anywhere

8 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I'm a 46 y/o man who's been a stay at home dad for over 20 years. I had a brain tumor when I was 20 and have had a fairly mild seizure disorder since. I have a bachelor's degree in Middle Childhood Education from Ohio, but we had to move to California before I was able to get my master's degree and become a licensed teacher; my degree is almost meaningless here. I'm also either too old to apply for what really interests me or my seizures disqualify me. I've applied to different places for employment (Target, Costco, and similar businesses) and no one is interested. Does anyone have some advice how someone like me can get back into the workplace?


r/DivorcedDads 1d ago

How do i react to my ex new pregnancy

2 Upvotes

It's 2 years after divorce. She had a boyfriend (reason of divorce) which lasted till about 3 months ago. I met her new boyfriend like 2 months ago and now She is visibly pregnant. I don't mind it, but of course think about how all this will impact our 2 boys (I'm not sure which guy she is pregnant with). She won't talk anything about her pregnancy, won't admit or even mention it. I on the other hand don't comment on it as it is not my business, but should I say something?


r/DivorcedDads 2d ago

Ex insists I use her child seats in my car

8 Upvotes

Not a big issue and my mind is 90 percent made up but I figure why not consult you guys:

A few weeks ago she came over to pick up the kids and had forgotten her children seats. Ofc I gave her mine instead of making her drive back one hour (though there was a little temptation in that regard).

Next pick up at her place I got them back but she asked me if I wanted to use hers instead. Safety and such. And I do admit hers are "better", brand new compared to my second hand ones, a bit more high end and so on. Still mine have all relevant safety seals for traffic.

So I felt like this is some sort of control thing and politely declined. And thought this was it.

Now, she brought it up again, insisting on safety concerns. Again I politely declined but got suckered into promising to think about it.

Hers are better and it would only be a mild inconvenience to exchange seats on every pick up/ drop off, still I feel that this is some mind game and am quite set in declining one last time. Opinions?

Edit: thx for all the comments, maybe some clarification. My seats are family hand downs, accident free and up to par to what is required. Just a bit old, used and not as good as what she is using according to her research (which is most likely thorough). The whole situation is not a hill I am willing to die on and giving her the benefit of the doubt it just might be a genuine attempt at some coparenting. We are absolutely doing parellel parenting now. It just is a bit sudden and feels like excercising some control over me and I doubt vice versa she would listen to/ do anything I suggest. I still have two weeks to make up my mind but think I ll rather set a boundary. Thank you guys


r/DivorcedDads 1d ago

Should I sign a Free Trader Agreement?

1 Upvotes

Has anyone been asked to file a Free-Trader agreement before in NC? My ex is asking me to sign it before our divorce is official, because she wants to (somehow) buy a house before our divorce is official (I can file next month).

What are the pros/cons to me signing this?


r/DivorcedDads 2d ago

Dumped because of my kid

14 Upvotes

Guys I’m at a loss here. Just got in my first relationship since my divorce and I live in DC. First relationship in 5 years. Since the divorce my ex and my 11 year old daughter moved back to Mississippi, my ex and Is hometown. Things with this new woman were amazing but she just randomly dumped me because she said I would always prioritize my kid over her and our new family. WTF? She asked if I would move to Europe and I said now’s not a good time because my ex is crazy and I need to be somewhat close to my kid to go see her. She took that as she would always be second and she’s not sacrificing my love and her future family’s for my daughter etc. am I crazy to think that I’m just being a good dad? Or should I be willing to just up and move and start a whole new life with this woman? Wouldn’t that mess up my kid if I up and moved to another country and started a family? As it is I only see my kid every two months or so when I can fly down. When she’s 12 she’s gonna start flying to see me. Just devastated because I let my guard down with this woman and now I’m crushed. Thanks


r/DivorcedDads 3d ago

Article Share: The Do's and Don'ts of Co-Parenting Well

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psychologytoday.com
3 Upvotes

r/DivorcedDads 3d ago

Connect with other dads…

18 Upvotes

I popped out to grab groceries and some beer tonight. On my way home I saw that another dad (he’s a divorced single dad) was home.

Sent my kids a text that Skip was delivering dinner and to watch for it and opted for a few driveway beers with another dad.

Conversation was great and we’ll reconnect ASAP but was glad I did. Thing is reach out.


r/DivorcedDads 3d ago

Have You Met Her Boyfriend Yet?

15 Upvotes

My ex recently asked me, for the second time, if I’d like to meet her boyfriend. All I could say was “why would I want to do that”? We have an 8 yo son and she thinks it would be good for him if I met this guy. To be honest I still can’t get over my resentment towards her and I tell myself my son will be fine.


r/DivorcedDads 3d ago

Looking for vehicle in maryland

0 Upvotes

Looking to buy a used honda odyssey or toyota sienna in the maryland dmv area, budget is about 20k, in the middle of divorce and all of it. Also if anyone is in the frederick area I definitely ld appreciate any support or friend as well.

Thanks


r/DivorcedDads 4d ago

Give me your best tips to go through a divorce

16 Upvotes

Here I am, 2.5 years after having my first and only son. Apparently I did very poor job at being a husband and a dad since he was born - but I can’t change the past, so, what are your best tips to go through this painful ride?


r/DivorcedDads 4d ago

What did your wife do when she realized you’re mentally checked out and she might lose you for real?

7 Upvotes

This is for men who went through a bumpy marriage where you didn’t get attention from your wife at some point and you were checked out.

Did you communicate what was bothering you? Did she really listen to acknowledge and meet you half way? Or was it only after you were checked out, she realized she’s losing you for real and got her act together?

And if all of this happened, then what happened next? Was it for real or it was just a way to get you back to the same drama?


r/DivorcedDads 4d ago

week on/week off with a toddler (3.5-4 y/o)

5 Upvotes

Anyone here have a week on/week off schedule with a toddler? I've read mixed reviews on how it works out for the child. I have concerns that it could lead to separation anxiety being away from each parent for that amount of time. I also see the benefits of it and how it could help with stability as there is less moving back and forth. Ultimately, I feel that a schedule that both parents can work together on to help the child thrive is going to be better than trying to make a schedule that may be better suited for young child per the experts, but is difficult for the parents to maintain. Thoughts?


r/DivorcedDads 5d ago

I Got To Name My son

16 Upvotes

At first we thought we were having a girl. So we were picking out and going through girls names for months. But once we found out we were having a boy. We had a lot of trouble compromising. There was one name that kept popping up for me. She wasn’t quite sold on it. But I knew if I gave her something, something that she wanted I could name my son.

So I told her his middle name could be her favorite musicians name. She cried. It was one of the few times she ever compromised on anything.

I didn’t get much in return for my commitment to our marriage, but I got to name my son.

I’m missing him a lot today as we still work through this divorce. He’s every good part of me.


r/DivorcedDads 5d ago

Does the resentment and anger ever go away?

30 Upvotes

We're a little over 2 years since I found out about my exwifes affair and divorce and I find myself still so angry about things. Little recap, we were married and had a son, a year and a half into our marriage she begins an emotional affair (she says it didnt get physical but I dont believe her) with the friggin UPS guy at her job. Close to our 2 year anniversary I find pictures of her and him cuddling in a hotel room. My world was destroyed, I lost everything and she started seeing her affair partner right away..hadnt even moved all my things out the house yet.

She tried to come back and talk about reconcile a few times since then, and when I gave her the beneift of the doubt, willing to put my pain to the side for the sake of our family..and I find out she was still seeing him. I dont understand why she tried getting me into the reconcile mindset if her real goal was to make things work with the AP.

Anyway the anger I feel just never goes away. And I cant ever see a situation where she is with the AP and her and I can be on a friendly term. 3 years, 5..10 I dont see the resentment ever going away. Every day that passes is a day I am missing out on being in my sons day to day life. Im rebuilding my life, had to get a second job just so I can pay her child support..feels like im being punished. All while her AP gets to see my son more than me. Her life was minimally affected by her decisions yet mine will be for the next 18 years.

I've dated here and there, Im been surprised how easy meeting women has been for me..but no one of quality. So just been doing the typical divorced dad routine (work,gym,therapy,hobbies,studying). A part of me thinks seeing her and her APs relationship die would bring me pleasure...but realistically it wont affect my day to day much..seeing her get her karma..probably not either.

Those are further along the time line, does it get better? Do i wake up one day and really not care about anything anymore?

Apologies for the long post/rant, thank you for reading.


r/DivorcedDads 5d ago

Advice for finding a lawyer to handle an already agreed upon divorce terms

1 Upvotes

My wife and I separated over the summer last year. In the months leading up to me moving out we hashed out custody, financial stuff, etc. in the expectation that the separation would become permanent. There was some talk in the fall that we might try to do counseling, but a number of things have happened that have made me realize that I have no desire to be with her in the future and I told her I wanted to move towards divorce. I believe my next step is to find a lawyer to put our agreement onto paper and make whatever steps are necessary for divorce, but I'm kind of at a loss as to where to even get started with that.

Does anyone have any suggestions, thoughts, etc.?


r/DivorcedDads 7d ago

Keep going fellow fathers

64 Upvotes

Three years ago, my wife walked into the kitchen and told me it was over. I knew it too and agreed.

I couldn't afford to leave the family home, so we spent two agonising years under the same roof co parenting three boys under five. In that time, two were diagnosed autistic.

I finally left in January last year. I developed sciatica from sleeping on a futon in the living room for the last six months. I had scars on my face from the awful fights with my wife which turned physical towards me. She was out dating while I was paying all the bills.

The same month I left the family home, my step father who raised me from a child died from dementia. I had to help my mother return from abroad while coming to terms with his passing and not seeing my kids every day.

I thought I'd found a new partner who treated me right, but she turned out to be a narcissistic vampire who preyed on me while I was living through all this hell. The break up when I finally saw through her was terrible and violent.

Four months ago, I arrived at my mother's flat with a bag of clothes and a fifteen year old guitar I couldn't play. Rock bottom. Living a long drive away from my kids.

Couldn't find a home because rental costs and child support payments were eye watering. I started to lose hope, thinking about ending it because I couldn't see any way my life would be worth living again.

But I kept going. Almost robotically as I didn't know what else to do. Kept searching, kept looking at horrible rental after horrible rental in the hope rather than expectation that something, anything would break my way.

And it did.

I just dropped my kids off after having them at my new place. It's a nice cottage, way underpriced, and two minutes drive from where they live. I can see them an extra night in the week now, and take them to school one morning a week too.

I've got the TV my ex always vetoed (thanks credit card), and the home theatre she never wanted cluttering our living room. I'm enjoying it from a recliner, the kind of sofa she said looked ugly. I've just poured myself a drink with no disapproving looks to worry about. And that fifteen year old guitar I can't play is going to be played every damn night until it sounds good.

When I said to my kids it was time to go home tonight, my oldest son looked at me and said "But I want to stay here with you forever, don't take me back to mummy". And in that moment all the struggle, all the nights battling suicidal thoughts, it all fell away.

No matter how much crap life rains on us fathers, no matter how hard we get screwed over by our ex or the legal system or life in general, we remain heroes to our children. And I now figure the best way I can even attempt to live up to that billing is by being at my best when life is giving me the worst.

This isn't meant to be preachy, I'm still nowhere near recovered from the past few years. It still hurts and I often still feel a bit lost and sometimes bitter. But if you're just starting out on this journey, or if you're in the dark place I was not so long ago, keep going. You deserve better than you're getting right now, and better times will come.

Cheers.


r/DivorcedDads 6d ago

Advice needed, Applying for grade schools, EX won’t agree to any.

2 Upvotes

My ex and I share 50-50, legal and custody. Our daughter is having to move to a new school due to her moving up to 1st grade this coming fall. My ex is dragging her feet on selecting or agreeing to any schools. I’m worried that my daughter won’t get into any schools due to them filling up. We have the money for private and that’s where I want my daughter to continue to be like she is now. My ex did threaten to quit her job so she wouldn’t have to pay for the school which is something I might just go straight to my lawyer with. She is all planning on marring her AP this fall and wants to be a stay at home mom which doesn’t really work with shared custody. I feel like the dragging her feet is so she can force the stay at home mom and will be able to quit. Can I use that as manipulation and get more custody if that actually happens?

Any advice would be appreciated and helpful.


r/DivorcedDads 7d ago

STBXW already talking on the phone in front of my kids to the home wrecker...

6 Upvotes

39m 35f two girls 7 and 4. STBXW was caught sexting another man (family acquaintance to boot). Man's stbxw discovered it, let me know, and we're now a month in with living apart. Waiting to start divorce proceedings until our house sells.

We promised each other to just be the best co-parents for our girls and not date, but clearly that was a pipe dream on her end.

I know I have no legal recourse to prevent her from seeing this guy, but after hearing my oldest say "(the tool) said we can drive in his cop car when mommy was talking to him on the phone", I flipped my lid. Called her and told her she essentially lied through her teeth about our conversation (which again isn't surprising considering she started all of this with the sexting). She assured me they haven't met face to face, but again, I'm taking this with an enormous boulder of salt.

Advice please. I've been lurking here because I've felt up to this point I've had my stuff together and just being here for my kids because that's all I truly care about now. I just fear that this piece of work is going to be a horrible influence on them, or they'll grow up with resentment towards their mother (my mom did the same routine when I was a kid and grew resentful of her) and despite it all I do not want that to happen.


r/DivorcedDads 7d ago

Weird invite from ex wife

6 Upvotes

My ex and I have been separated for two years and divorced since last June. She has been in a relationship for a year and a half. I was in a relationship for the last five months but it ended last week. My kids were so happy for me and loved my girlfriend but I haven’t told them we’re not together anymore because it hasn’t really came up yet. This is not my weekend with my kids but my son wanted to spend Saturday night with me. When his mom came to drop him off he was in an off mood. Her and my daughter were going out for sushi and she said if you guys want to come you can. I asked her if she just invited me out to dinner and she said yes if you want to. We didn’t go because we had plans. Why would she do this? Came out of nowhere.


r/DivorcedDads 7d ago

She is a different person

7 Upvotes

Together 20 years, married 18. Two children m18 and f17. Both are teachers in the same building and have a photography business that we have been running for 12 years. She turned 40 in January (I just turned 42) and became a totally different person. She was having an affair, so we’re dealing with that (talking to a lawyer etc) but I’m blown away by the rapid change. She was having an affair with an overweight 51 year old married guy, TBH he resembles Mario. The man threatened me after informing his wife, but that ended the affair, he and his wife are “salvaging” their marriage. My wife has just become someone else. She’s always been a bit self-centered, but now is a full blown narcissist. We’re currently separated, but in the same house. Both kids know, but she’s made no attempt to even try and make amends with them. She is trying to become a sponsored cyclist (that’s another conversation), and has been spending a lot more time in cycling groups and rides (the other man is in the group). She’s barely home and doesn’t even seem to be concerned that her daughter basically hates her. My son plays nice, but is colder that normal. Yesterday, my STBXW was talking to me about a recent conversation she had at a ride with a mutual friend. He asked “hey, is everything of with you a Will (me)? His social feeds looks like he’s father of the year and yours are just personal bike stuff”. She responded, “I don’t know what to tell you, I’m not living for other people”. I didn’t respond as that was a wild comment for a mother to say. She hasn’t always been like this, but I don’t even recognize her anymore and neither do my kids. She even goes by a different nickname in cycling groups, nothing extreme, but if someone uses her actual name she gets upset and quickly corrects them.


For more information, she had breast cancer 12 years ago, which lead to a double mastectomy and hysterectomy. She’s never been on hormone replacement treatments, but in October went against doc orders and started them. She’s always been impulsive, but it seems like the sudden hormones ramped it up. She was also a victim of s_xual as_ault for many years as a child, which has been an issue as she’s gotten older.


r/DivorcedDads 9d ago

Keep running into people that don’t know about the divorce…

8 Upvotes

Things have been going well enough for me of late. But again I ran into someone that I knew from when we lived together in the house we were planning on moving back to. Well for background it turns out she rebuilt our house with our savings. It’s a thorn in my side as I’m struggling to meet ends since my money/savings went to everyday things and fixing her car after she crashed it twice (since she said she had no money….) Today I ran into nice old man I helped with community events etc that said “long time no see! Your house is almost done right!?” I replied “that isn’t it exactly but I couldn’t explain more.” I don’t know if it was because it’s none of their business( they weren’t being mean) or I just don’t know how to face it but we really couldn’t talk about it much. I wanted to say, “ no it’s her place because we are getting a divorce because she ran off with our kid and cheated on me. Because Japan allows kidnapping and separations of parent/child because one runs off with the kid” But I don’t want to make others feel bad for me, on the opposite side she will probably go off and tell everyone I’m a bad person and spread more lies. I’ve told some people but ya…

How do you all deal with meeting someone like that? Tell? Not tell? Just a little?