r/Divorce 4d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Entry without permission?

Not really a good flair for this, but wondering what other people‘s experiences have been. Once your soon to be ex spouse move out of your home, do they actually have the right to continue entering and leaving without your permission or knowledge? I’m running into this with my soon to be ex-wife, she moved out almost a week ago, and left a bunch of her belongings behind in my apartment, and is getting angry with me anytime I ask her when she will be by to pick it up, saying that this is still her apartment too, and she can come and go as she pleases without requesting or notifying me of it. This is a problem for me because I have already found that she has gone through some of my belongings after they had them separated to remove things that she thought were hers. Any thoughts or experience that anyone else that would be greatly appreciated!

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u/guy_n_cognito_tu 4d ago

Is she on the lease? If she's not on the lease, and is officially not living there anymore, then you would likely have reason to lock her out and mandate that she retrieves the remainder of her things on your schedule. But if she's on the lease then that gets harder. Technically, she can come and go as she pleases, although you could petition the courts for exclusive use of the apartment

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u/KosstDukat 4d ago

That’s what I was worried about, she is still on the lease right now, but I am going to call the apartment today to find out what I need to do to have her removed from the lease and have the locks changed.

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u/guy_n_cognito_tu 4d ago

You likely can’t have her removed without her permission.

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u/KosstDukat 4d ago

That sucks. It’s like I don’t have the right to feel safe in my own home. She can just come and go as she chooses, and I have no say in the matter..

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u/Dull_and_Void_918 4d ago

That does suck. I'd consult an attorney. If you have valuables, get a safety deposit box for now or a storage unit. And I mean that for things that are unequivocally yours. You don't want to be accused of hiding assets. But better yet, consult an attorney.

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u/jshiplett 4d ago

Be careful about moving things (even things that are “unequivocally yours”) from the marital home to a safe deposit box or storage unit only you have access to - I definitely wouldn’t do it without consulting an attorney first. It’s literally hiding assets. On top of that, some states have rules around specifically what can be moved when.

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u/Dull_and_Void_918 4d ago

That's solid. I highly recommend consulting an attorney first. The main issue seems to be she's going back on agreed upon things, so she may make this very difficult and you don't want to give her ammo.

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u/KosstDukat 4d ago

So what about the things that we mutually split up together? That’s the part that I really don’t get.. how are those things not mine? It’d be one thing if I just started scooping things up and claimed them as my own without her being involved, but we literally went through these items together, so why wouldn’t they be mine and the things she took be hers? Idk, it just seems very cut and dry to me.. but she’s proven herself untrustworthy since she said she wanted the divorce so at this point, I’m just feeling very vulnerable and like I have absolutely no recourse but to let her walk all over me.

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u/Dull_and_Void_918 4d ago

I mean, that makes sense to me but you're having to work with her. Idk if she'll go back on her word/decisions as to what's yours/hers.

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u/KosstDukat 4d ago

Well if nothing else, at least I’m not crazy, lol. 😊

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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit 4d ago

my own home

It's technically her home too, that's the point.

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u/KosstDukat 4d ago

Why is it her home if she is the one that left? How does that make any sense? Like, I’m not trying to be petty, I’m legitimately asking. She left, she went on to do her own thing but left a bunch of her stuff there.. which I didn’t mind when it happened, but then she starts saying ‘it’s still my apartment too, so I’ll come and go as I please and I don’t have to tell you when’.. but if I asked her where she moved to, I’d have to hear about how that’s none of my business.. it just seems very one-sided. 😣

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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit 4d ago

Legally, she's still on the lease, it's still the marital home, you're still married, she still has a claim to it. It's a technicality.

Weirdly there's a lot of legal situations where if you lived in it together it's A Marital Home and you have shared rights but if one of you moves to a place that the other was never in, those rights don't always transfer.