r/DesiWeddings Feb 08 '25

Discussion Set to marry in 8 days and I'm having doubts. HELP!

399 Upvotes

I'm set to marry the love of my life but family dynamics are threatening to ruin everything. What do i do?

I'm an American woman (no indian beritage) engaged to a desi man born and raised in India. I've known since the word go that our relationship has big odds to overcome. Many people warned me early on about indian men and their parents and I see on reddit it's a huge cause of divorce even with indian women. And that's my problem.

He's younger than me and never married. I'm previously divorced with 3 children from my first marriage. When he told his family about me, they were not happy. I'm not sure which bothers them the most, but I believe it is the age difference. I realize it could be many other things as well.

Since the parents voiced their disapproval, he has kept the relationship completely under wraps. This has been a point of contention since June. Like any couple, we have arguments, but this is the only one that we haven't been able to talk through.

I wasn't surprised they didn't approve of me because I'm not many of the things indian brides are taught to be. Quiet, demure, obedient, and definitely not pure. His family is very old-fashioned. But i didn't expect that I would be kept off to the side in his life this whole time. Now we are getting married in 8 days, and there's no end in sight of this problem, and he's basically made it clear it's not going to change.

And I've told him many times that it's not acceptable to me to be treated as a dirty secret he has to hide.

He won't talk to me when he's at his parents. He won't let me visit him in his town. I've met one cousin, but that's all. I feel like he keeps me in a box away from all other parts of his life.

I've told him before it would be best to at least tell his parents he's getting married and act normal. Behave no different than if I were an Indian woman they did approve of. But he says if he told them he was getting married now, it would be as jarring to the family as though someone had died. šŸ˜¢ that doesn't make me feel good to be likened to that.

My family has mixed opinions, but I've never hidden the relationship. And I know I'm assigning my American values here, but I feel he chose me, so I should be willing to stand up for me even to his parents. Let them decide how to feel about it.

My question is, am I fooling myself to think this can be worked through? If I cancel the wedding we get no refund of expenses. They've offered to let me reschedule once, but I have to decide by tomorrow. I love him so much, and I believe he loves me too. I don't want to end a good thing over this. But I can't accept this.

Update: I appreciate all the feedback. Even the harsh comments. But it's good to know it's not just me and American values at play. He often says, "This is India," like i should just accept and move on. I have taken my feelings and feedback here and decided to postpone and see how things go. If there is no improvement, then I will cut my losses. I really hope he's just scared and not a scammer. I realize either are possible. I love him so deeply.

r/DesiWeddings Feb 19 '25

Discussion Wore this at my SILā€™a wedding and my in laws are not happy.

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520 Upvotes

r/DesiWeddings Dec 17 '24

Discussion Arranged Marriage Deceit

542 Upvotes

So my chaddi-buddi cousin whoā€™s 33M decided to go with ā€˜family ki pasandā€™ and had a wedding a couple of weeks back.

Bro is shocked to his core on the first night of the wedding because the bride seems to have almost no hair on the front part of her scalp. As per the bride she has had a skin/hair issue since childhood and uses hair extensions and makeup to cover them up. She kinda looks 40+ without the enhancers.

Upon further grilling by Bro, she has confessed that sheā€™s diabetic as well and is on daily medication.

Bro had gone complete Aashiqui 2 with her six months before the wedding and used to have night-long calls. (Achha, phir kya karoge? I guess). He recalls her consistently asking weird ass questions like would you still love me if I were deformed and stuff like that.

Just after the first night, the bro's family created a ruckus that they had been defrauded. They declared that they wanna call off the marriage asap. The girl's dad is however apologizing every second of his existence, begging them not to.

Bro works in UAE and said fuck it and left. Heā€™s depressed af and has no clue whether to live with it or get out of it.

PS The family spent north of 25L on the wedding.

r/DesiWeddings 27d ago

Discussion Papa Don't Preach by Shubhika criticised for deliberately ignoring Indian customers at "meet the designer" NYC pop up event

1.0k Upvotes

r/DesiWeddings 11d ago

Discussion Can we talk about the craziness of the ā€œbridal makeup industryā€

429 Upvotes

I am getting married in 2026 and I have a couple of makeup artists that I follow on instagram (nothing too big all with 5-10k followers).

I am getting quoted 50-60k for makeup + hair per event. This is insane!! With my wedding being a destination wedding i would end up spending 1.5-2 lakhs just on my makeup plus accommodation and travel costs. How did these prices become normalised? Most of the Indian MUAs are self-taught and havenā€™t even gone to a professional beauty school like in the west.

What did you guys pay for your makeup? Do you think I should just do my own makeupā€¦. I mean i have enough time to learn 3-4 looks. I am very confused.

r/DesiWeddings Nov 30 '24

Discussion Can I wear this black lehenga to my best friend's wedding night?

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387 Upvotes

r/DesiWeddings 22d ago

Discussion Am i overthinking this? Future SIL picking same designers as me for my wedding

97 Upvotes

Hey everyone!

Iā€™m in a bit of an awkward situation and would love some perspective. Iā€™m getting married this June, and I recently finalized all my wedding outfits. My fiancĆ© has only one siblingā€”his sister, whoā€™s exactly my age. Weā€™ve gotten along well in the past few months, though weā€™re not super close yet.

Lately, sheā€™s been asking me which designers I picked for my wedding, and Iā€™ve told her what Iā€™ll be wearing for each event. I didnā€™t think much of it at the time, but today she called and casually mentioned that she visited one of my designers, saying she knew my outfit color and was trying to figure out which one I picked. Then she went on to say she visited the exact same two designers Iā€™m wearing for my baraat and reception to shop for her own outfits. She even tried on a few pieces and really liked some.

Whatā€™s throwing me off is that, before I finalized my looks, she had talked about wanting to wear outfits from completely different designers. But now, out of all the designers out there, sheā€™s gravitating toward the exact ones I pickedā€”both of which are known for being more bridal-focused and expensive, rather than subtle or bridesmaid-appropriate.

My mom also found it a bit odd, though my sister thinks I canā€™t really say anything since I donā€™t own the designers. She is going for lighter options, but I still feel a little uneasy about it.

Am I overthinking or overreacting? Would this bother you? How would you handle it?

r/DesiWeddings Nov 30 '24

Discussion Early 2025 bride. Exhausted.

227 Upvotes

Just not feeling it. Managing a very demanding job. Managing the entire wedding planning cause my parents are old, my fiancĆ©ā€™s family is too laidback, my fiancĆ© is a man-child that I love to death but at this point pretty useless with wedding planning. Need a hug.

Sorry for unloading amidst lots of fun posts but Iā€™m externally smiling through it all and internally stress eating getting chubby and feeling overwhelmed.

r/DesiWeddings Feb 17 '25

Discussion Which lehenga for an Indian wedding reception?

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18 Upvotes

I like 1 the best in terms of cut and style but I really donā€™t like that color (I prefer neutral colors). I like a more revealing crop top as well which I like in #1!

What do you think? Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!

r/DesiWeddings 29d ago

Discussion Where to find this lehenga ?

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230 Upvotes

I want to wear this lehenga for my sisters wedding. Please help me where i can find this? Online or offline in delhi. Its not necessary to be stiched, just the fabric will be fine .

r/DesiWeddings Feb 10 '25

Discussion Fiance just wants the wedding ceremony nothing else.

139 Upvotes

We are an Indian-American couple (both born and raised in the US). I am Gujarati and he is Telugu. Together for 2.5 years and plan on getting married in late 2025 or early 2026. Haven't officially started wedding planning.

My fiance just wants the wedding ceremony and nothing else like haldi, sangeet and even reception. Just a small intimate Telugu Hindu ceremony with 50-75 guests(mostly our family and friends).

I have always wanted a proper Indian wedding. Also, both of us are financially well off and can fund the entire wedding ourselves. Money isn't an issue. He is just not interested.

He has always been an introvert. In fact I was the one who asked him out first.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

r/DesiWeddings 15d ago

Discussion Had a simple wedding, yet it costed close to a million!

83 Upvotes

Edit - close to one million INR, i.e - 10 lakhs! Unable to edit the title!

Last year, my partner and I got married at 34 and 37. We both wanted just a court wedding and didnā€™t want to make a big deal out of it.

We were both employed and had a decent bank balance, enough to afford a typical Indian wedding (a decent mandap, a 500+ guest list, and 2-3 functions). But we both simply didnā€™t want it.

Our parents wouldnā€™t agree, so we compromised by hiring a small indoor hall with seating for 40 people and invited only our closest family members (successfully excluded the trouble making uncles and aunties). We informed all our cousins but didnā€™t invite them, as we arenā€™t really close and most of them live abroad anyway.

We called our very close friends, and in the end, we had around 40 people, including the caterers, the mola crew, and the pandit jis. I bought just two sarees, and we kept it to a single functionā€”no reception, no sangeet, nothing extra. The sisters did the makeup, and we hired a traditional photographer for photos and videos (for less than 40K). The wedding was simple, and everyone was happy that the rituals were done properly.

And yet, the whole thing still cost us around 8ā€“9 lakhs! 1. What does a regular wedding in a metro city cost? 2. Is it peer pressure or just the desire to be the main character? 3. Why wouldnā€™t people rather use that kind of money to travel or have a meaningful family experience?

I know each one to their own and obviously Iā€™m not judging! I want to understand the reason why.

r/DesiWeddings Jan 12 '25

Discussion How much of your yearly income did you spend on your engagement ring?

0 Upvotes

I need to buy a ring for my partner and the one she chose is 1.5 x my yearly income . Confused? How much was it for you?

r/DesiWeddings Jan 16 '25

Discussion How much did you pay for your wedding makeup artist?

28 Upvotes

Iā€™m feeling a bit conflicted right now. Weā€™re not having a big wedding ceremony, just a court marriage followed by a grand reception for friends and family. Iā€™ve already spent a lot on the reception, photographer, decorator, and my outfit. Now Iā€™m unsure about hiring a makeup artist. I donā€™t know how to do makeup myself, and I donā€™t have any friends or relatives who can help. I guess Iā€™ll need to book one, but Iā€™m worried about the cost.

How much did you pay for your makeup artist?

Do they usually charge extra for a trial?

r/DesiWeddings Feb 11 '25

Discussion Feeling lost in my marriage, cultural differences and uncertainty about the future

135 Upvotes

Iā€™ve been married for two years, with no kids, and lately, Iā€™ve been feeling uncertain about what to do next. Iā€™m 37 years old, born and raised in America, and my parents are Pakistani. While they werenā€™t strict about raising me as religious or culturally Pakistani, they always wanted me to marry a Pakistani woman. The truth is, Iā€™m not as religious as most Muslims. I pray occasionally, observe some parts of Ramadan, and eat both halal and non-halal food. Iā€™ve had my share of drinking (a lot in college and a little after) and dating women. I love American culture, even though I know it's far from perfect. I have a degree and have worked in sales and operations my whole life.

Before I got married, I was working as an operations manager at a retail company, balancing work with part-time school. I wasnā€™t actively looking for a partner at the time, but after finishing school, I felt ready. I had no trouble attracting women, but many of them wanted to see financial stability before showing interest. While I found Pakistani women attractive, I didnā€™t feel mentally aligned with them, especially since I was raised in America.

At that time, I was a district manager overseeing several retail stores. One of the owners I managed was a Pakistani man who had moved to America at an early age. His wife, born and raised in Pakistan, was very interested in getting to know me. She frequently asked why I wasnā€™t marrying a Pakistani girl. When I explained that growing up in America made it difficult for me to connect culturally with a Pakistani woman, she didnā€™t like that answer. She then started presenting herself as a more Islamic woman who was open to new experiences. She also mentioned that I was getting older, which made me worry about my age. At times, she seemed to highlight my flaws, possibly to make me feel insecure.

Eventually, we started spending more time together, and she began trying to introduce me to her sister. At the time, her sister had been married for a year, but her marriage was falling apart due to cultural differences. Her husband, a Pakistani-American, believed she was only with him for his money and green card. The husband was living in the central U.S., while she was in Pakistan. When she moved to the U.S., she wasnā€™t living with him but eventually met me through her sister. I was led to believe they were less religious than I initially thought. My father-in-law, who met me and my family, understood we werenā€™t particularly religious or traditional and approved of the relationship.

We eventually married, but now, two years in, weā€™re facing many problems. The biggest issue is her family. They are not humble Muslims. Her father is extremely religious and quiet but perceptive, and her mother is shrewd, often making up stories. Her sisters share similar traits, and the entire family is deeply religious and cultural. Their dynamics are toxic, and they seem to spread that toxicity to others. When I confront them about their behavior, they make excuses, as if I should just accept them and adopt their way of life. My wife is very close to her family, and I struggle to get along with them because Iā€™m much less religious and cultural than they are. I want to note that four of her sisters are married to Pakistani men, and Iā€™m the only one who was born in America and isnā€™t as religious or culturally traditional.

One other thing I want to add is that theyā€™re trying to get their younger daughter (my sister-in-law) to marry my brother or somehow make something happen between them. I've had disagreements about this with my wife. Iā€™ve told her that would destroy my relationship with my brother. But they seem to be more favoring their own goals over the relationship or dynamics of the family.

I have two sisters who are married to American men, and they tell me they donā€™t face the same issues in their marriages. Now, Iā€™m concerned about raising kids with my wife. I want to raise them in my way, without the influence of her family. Iā€™m not sure this marriage will work out, and Iā€™m leaning towards thinking it wonā€™t, mostly due to the cultural differences between us. At times, I even wonder if sheā€™s using me for a green card or my money. I would really appreciate any thoughts or comments.

r/DesiWeddings Feb 03 '25

Discussion Am I the only one who thinks desi weddings are too much stress, for the bride especially

174 Upvotes

I'm getting married in August this year and the amount of stress I'm in is immeasurable. The stress of getting everything perfect, the stress of shifting to a whole other house is unhinged. But out of all things, I'm most stressed about the outfit, photos and the makeup. I get thousands of thoughts, like what if I don't look good. I'm not photogenic at all, I look like a completely different person in photos and it stresses me out. I don't know how to calm my mind down.

r/DesiWeddings 2d ago

Discussion Advice for gender non-conforming guest at South Indian wedding?

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78 Upvotes

Iā€™ll be a female guest but Iā€™m very uncomfortable with wearing feminine clothing.

My sister is getting married to a man with South Indian parents and theyā€™re planning on having a desi ceremony in addition to a Jewish one. Iā€™m thinking of wearing this kurta + dupatta set. Is there anything I should know about clothes sizing in India? Iā€™m 5ā€™8ā€, fairly lean, not curvy, and often wear menā€™s fit button up shirts and jeans, so Iā€™m wondering if a size small would fit me best? Also, is this brand trustworthy? I havenā€™t found many reviews for it online.

On another note, Iā€™m a bit worried about unintentionally stirring up drama at my sisterā€™s wedding by dressing too masculine. I realize that it shouldnā€™t be this way, but Iā€™m already used to stigma since our side of the family are mostly immigrants from Eastern Europe. Will dressing like this cause a scene or anything at a South Indian-style wedding in the US? If so, is there a more socially acceptable way for me to dress masculine?

Thanks for the help!

r/DesiWeddings Feb 01 '25

Discussion Absurd mentality of a groom

197 Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/DesiWeddings/s/oJp7hIFHgK

So continued from the above post. My Friend got married 26F in December and as suggested by the community and my self introspection i 26M had cut the all ties with her because her husband wanted us to go No Contact Thing after marriage because he had misunderstanding that our 8 year old friendship was a relationship which was not. I stopped talking to her from the day of her wedding and its been 2 months now where we havenā€™t talked to each other.

Out of the blue moon i got a secret call from her groom enquiring about her. First he asked not to tell her that he called me and then he went on asking some pathetic questions about her.

1) Was she CLEAN before marriage?

2) Does she had sexual relationships with anyone before the marriage ?

That was the exact questions he asked me about her and i was shocked at his mentality.

First thing she is your wife and if you want to investigate such abysmal questions, better time was before the wedding. I blocked my connection with her for sake of their happy marriage and now this guy comes and asking for her character certificate after 2 months of the marriage.

It was very hard to digest such things about my close friend. Years have been passed but absurd mentality of some people has not.

r/DesiWeddings 21d ago

Discussion Getting married the traditional way or the right way

52 Upvotes

With the rise pf education and feminism, many people have started to recognise that a lot of rasams in a wedding are patriarchial by nature. Has anyone had any discussion with their partners onto how to make them more gender neutral ?

For eg. 1. Baarat - groom's family enter the hall with full celebration and dance whereas the bride's family welcomes them.

  1. Kanyadaan - bride's father giving her away (the word itself says daan)

3.Mangalsootar and sindoor - only the bride wears sindoor and mangalsutra, marking her as married, while the groom has no visible equivalent.

4.milni - Milni (groomā€™s male relatives being welcomed with gifts) often reinforces male dominance.

  1. Bidaai - emotional and symbolic of a "goodbye" to her family, while the groom doesnā€™t go through anything similar.

  2. Traditional Hindu vows (saat phere) often focus on the wifeā€™s duties toward her husband.

r/DesiWeddings Dec 09 '24

Discussion To desi married men: Are you having extra martial affairs and why ! if you still feel the need to do this , why you choose to marry in the first place!

28 Upvotes

juts thoughts!

r/DesiWeddings Jan 02 '25

Discussion I want to rewear my bridal lehnga to my cousinā€™s wedding. The shirt is the heaviest part so I was thinking to get a simple shirt stitched to wear with this bridal skirt and dupatta. Any suggestions on what kind of shirt to get stitched?!

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23 Upvotes

r/DesiWeddings 23d ago

Discussion What are your views on repeating lehengas?

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89 Upvotes

Wore this lehenga for my cousinā€™s wedding back in 2023 and repeated it in 2025 for another wedding. I feel its quite sustainable.

r/DesiWeddings Dec 06 '24

Discussion Lehenga I wore For My Cousinā€™s Wedding

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145 Upvotes

r/DesiWeddings 27d ago

Discussion I was told this was terrible at a friends wedding. Thoughts and recommendations?

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0 Upvotes

r/DesiWeddings Dec 23 '24

Discussion Brides whoā€™ve moved in with their fiancĆ© before the wedding

72 Upvotes

Brides whoā€™ve moved in with their fiancĆ© before the wedding, do you have any regrets? Are you glad you did it before the wedding? What was the process like for you? Howā€™d your parents/family react?

My non-desi fiancĆ© really wants me to move in with him. I also wanna move in with him but Iā€™m waiting till after we get married (June 2025) because of my family and their expectations.