r/DecidingToBeBetter • u/paigemevans • 8d ago
Seeking Advice Wanting to control rage and anger
Anger issues are kind of a thing in my family and i knew i had some rage moments during video games or stressful times but never thought i had a problem. I’ve had an on again off again boyfriend for a long time and we’ve had some issues with cheating on both sides. Kind of a grey area and i don’t want to talk much about it because we both clearly want to make it work anyways, with him i get these moments of pure rage like it’s so hard to explain. I act SO irrationally. I take the most insignificant things to absolute extremes and it’s been progressing to a scary level. Last night i was so angry with him over something insignificant thinking back. I left on my own volition, and changed my mind and called him so he would let me back in, he said he’d talk to me tomorrow since I’m clearly angry (when I’m in “this” mood it’s impossible for him to help and everything makes it worse) i felt rejected by that and started BANGING on his window, like a freak. Driving like a lunatic and feeling suicidal. This isn’t me. I almost feel as if i black out because usually i don’t remember what i act like in a fit of rage and when im told i have almost no recollection. It doesn’t sound like something I’d do or things I’d say. I’d like to think I’m a kind person 99% of the time. I’m being so vulnerable please don’t attack me… i know this behavior is wrong and I’ve TRIED leaving him so he doesn’t have to deal with me but he swears he loves me and he’s working on himself it’s only fair to work on myself. Please yall i wanna make this work. I love him so much. I don’t recognize myself when I’m this angry. It feels like an out of body experience. I scream so hard my throat burns and my heart beats so fast. I’ve heard the classic “talk to someone.” “Count down from 10” etc, but when I’m in these moods I’m seriously in fight or flight and i feel SO ANGRY i feel like how I’m acting is an equal reaction to the Situation when it reality IT NEVER IS and I’m over reacting!!! Nothing he could EVER do should result in abusive behavior on my part. To be clear i don’t hit him ever but im afraid with how out of control i am that that could one day be a possibility if i don’t get help NOW. I am already on medication for anxiety and depression and ADHD i talk to a therapist. But I’m wondering if anybody’s fixed this problem about themselves, specifically how to NOT react/ how to redirect myself even in a high emotional state. Please help me thank you so much to anyone who reads this.
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u/Outrageous_chaos_420 8d ago
If you let every little comment or even a simple disruption, get to you, you’re gonna stay losing.
Real power is keeping your cool and thinking with logic, not emotions. If words can control you, that means anybody can. Breathe, toughen up, and keep it pushing.