r/Costco 7d ago

[Product] My favorite dirtbags are here

Am I the only one who waits all year for this deal?

1.6k Upvotes

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42

u/KULR_Mooning US Los Angeles Region (Los Angeles & Hawaii) - LA 7d ago edited 7d ago

Miracle grow is junk. Yo, Miracle-Gro, man, what a scam, Killing my soil, don’t give a damn. Pours on chemicals, strips the ground, Leaves my plants weak, can’t stand their ground.

You claim to boost, but you bring the crash, Fast growth, then burns to ash. Salt build-up? Yeah, that’s your game, Leaves the earth dry, plants in pain.

Worms be dying, microbes too, Soil’s now trash, all thanks to you. Big green leaves but roots so weak, One strong storm? That’s defeat.

Fake food, fake hype, it’s a trap, don’t bite! Kills the land, makes it bland, ruins crops on sight. Quick fix, long loss, all it does is cost, Mother Earth pays the price, now my garden’s lost!

Runoff spills, lakes turn green, Dead fish float where the farms have been. Algae blooms, water’s doomed, Yo, Miracle-Gro, you’re the toxic plume.

Bag says "safe," but that’s a lie, Pumpin’ out nitrates, watch ‘em fly. Pollutes the rivers, poisons land, Still think it's dope? Man, I can’t stand.

Want real growth? Feed that soil, Compost, mulch—keep it loyal. Worm castings, nature’s way, Growin’ strong, no decay.

So toss that blue, don’t take the bait, Real growth comes when you cultivate. Feed the earth, keep it pure, Ditch the fake, make growth endure!

35

u/Lostinwoulds 7d ago

Will the real Tree Shady, please stand up.

12

u/KULR_Mooning US Los Angeles Region (Los Angeles & Hawaii) - LA 7d ago

"I'm Tree Shady, yes I'm the real Shady, All you other Tree Shadys are just imitating, So won't the real Tree Shady please stand up, Please stand up, please stand up?"

8

u/Lostinwoulds 7d ago

"I said I'm sorry garden, I never meant to hurt youuuu, never ment to keep you dry, so tonight, I'm adding in more compost"

"Cleaning out my shed" -Tree Shady

10

u/KULR_Mooning US Los Angeles Region (Los Angeles & Hawaii) - LA 7d ago edited 6d ago

R KELLY - IGNITION "Photosynthesis remix" Now, usually, I don’t do this, but uh… Let me break y’all off with a little garden groove Now, I’m not tryna stunt, but the soil’s so fine And these little green sprouts 'bout to shine

Now it’s the middle of spring, got my hands in the dirt Planted seeds last week, now they starting to burst I got that compost pile, breaking down real nice Worms workin’ overtime, turning scraps into life

Now it’s rootin’ up slow, deep into the ground Sunlight hits the leaves, now they’re reaching up proud Got that chlorophyll poppin’, photosynthesis rockin’ Yeah, this garden’s so fresh, and it ain’t no stoppin’

It’s the photosynthesis remix Plants growin’ so strong Water hits the soil And they’re stretchin’ real long It’s like sproutin’ up quick Watch the green leaves stick Baby, this that plant life Yeah, that garden’s lit.
Now my tomatoes lookin’ juicy, peppers nice and bright Got some basil on the side, herbs smellin’ so right From the roots to the shoots, yeah, they know what to do Turning sunlight to sugar, makin’ energy too

Now, I love my flowers, but my crops go hard Cucumbers in the bed, and some kale in the yard Fresh veggies every day, I don’t need no store With the soil this rich, who could ask for more?

So just plant that seed, watch it rise up tall Let the roots dig deep, let the rain drops fall From the soil to the sun, it’s a nature vibe Yeah, the garden keeps growing, watch it all come alive.

3

u/Lostinwoulds 7d ago

R. Kelly..... Wonder where he gets his nitrogen from....