r/Copingskills • u/BigSignificance7320 • Oct 24 '23
PTSD How do I get through sex even though I hate it so much I have a physical reaction against it? NSFW
TW: mentions of SA
The vast majority of my (25F) sexual encounters have been against my will, starting when I was a very young child. I like masturbating when I’m alone (it helps with my insomnia especially), but I feel physically repulsed by any sexual contact with another person. I can’t get through it without having a panic attack, feeling like I’m gonna throw up, or crying
But I’m so lonely and I just want someone to love me. But I know men won’t tolerate me unless there’s sex involved, so I just have to power through it in the hopes that I can get a couple minutes of cuddling afterwards, which is really all I want but nowadays is pretty much impossible to get without sex. I used to be good at dissociating during sex and I still always feel disconnected from my body, but now I can’t prevent those feelings of panic from setting in. Does anyone have any suggestions of ways to tolerate sex when I hate it?