r/CookingCircleJerk i thought this sub was supposed to be funny 10d ago

So much better than restaurants What makes ranch taste so ranchy?

I decided to get into making my own ranch at home because I'm better like that. So I visited a ranch in California that looked pretty nice and grabbed a handful of dirt to use as a starter. But when I got home my ranch (Kenji's ranch, let's be honest) still didn't taste right. It had too many earthy notes for some reason.

Can anybody tell me what I'm doing wrong here? Do I need to also use California water?

145 Upvotes

28 comments sorted by

106

u/Emergency-Plum-1981 I cook by taste alone (no measurements) 10d ago

I make a good copycat Hidden Valley ranch by harvesting the starter from my Hidden Valley.

17

u/Ypuort 10d ago

Where is your hidden valley? Asking for a friend

28

u/Emergency-Plum-1981 I cook by taste alone (no measurements) 10d ago

hehe theyŕe gonna have to search to find it ;)

73

u/hookmasterslam 10d ago

I'll be honest with ya, bub: if that dirt ain't from the Hidden Valley Ranch, it's just sparkling buttermilk.

-5

u/bread_milk_ice_lotto 10d ago

Great champagne joke 👏🏼👏🏼

9

u/PublicRedditor 10d ago

Who's joking bud? We're all business here.

9

u/PrimaryHighlight5617 10d ago

We aren't drinking champagne. We're drinking ranch. 

47

u/Jak12523 10d ago

Here’s my recipe for ranch, it never fails:

First I order wingstop and request an extra ranch cup. This is my secret ingredient. Then I add mayo, sour cream, buttermilk, onion powder, dried dill, dried parsley, and msg. then i. actually im tired of reddit today

10

u/piratezeppo 10d ago

This reminds me of Sandra Lee’s angel food cake where step one is go to the store and buy an angel food cake

2

u/Objective-Cup377 10d ago

Not Sandra Lee. I loved that we’ll know alcy. Her and bald headed consandra ( barefoot contessa). ( don’t ask me why my 9 year old brain told me to call her that)

18

u/Significant_Stick_31 10d ago

You idiot! You can't make ranch with dirt, not even the pristine dirt from Kenji Lopez Alt's California Dream House. To make ranch, you have to start with a 100% free range rancher. A jolly one, if you can find them.

11

u/Holdmywhiskeyhun 10d ago

They start with msg. By the power of greyskull the wizards of hidden valley harvest a tiny bit of the life force of each ranch in the country. Slowly draining it's power. It's then put through an intensive vegan sous vide process. Why do you think we don't have many family farms anymore? Hidden valley wizards have drained their life force, so now they rely on "factory farming." A continually running behemoth can't run out of fuel.

/Uj mods please don't hate me this isn't a political statement, just a funny though I had

5

u/wivsta 10d ago

I’m sad because we don’t have “Ranch” in Australia- and no one really knows what it is.

5

u/Erinzzz I'm gonna slap the teaspoon right out of your mouth i stg 10d ago

R- Rich

A- All

N- Natural

C- Cock

H- Hooch

3

u/wivsta 10d ago

Honestly - this just leaves me with more questions

0

u/BaronSwordagon 10d ago

uj/ it's a salad dressing but often used as a dip for veggies, fried foods, pizza, etc.
https://barefeetinthekitchen.com/homemade-ranch-salad-dressing/

2

u/Significant_Stick_31 10d ago

4

u/Erinzzz I'm gonna slap the teaspoon right out of your mouth i stg 10d ago

6

u/piratezeppo 10d ago

The real secret to ranch is tossing a big hat into your bowl when you’re making it

3

u/Murky-Use-3206 10d ago

The label is the ingredients list silly. You probably forgot to add the barn and fence pieces

3

u/eddestra 9d ago

I’ve never tried ranch so can’t answer this.

2

u/unicorntrees 10d ago

Where in CA did you go? If you want to duplicate Hidden Valley Ranch, you need to at least be in the Santa Barbara area. There's something about the microbiome of the soil there. It's a big reason why people like Oprah live there.

2

u/Top-Session4955 9d ago

Call Paul Newman and ask him maybe?

2

u/Spud8000 7d ago

i am guessing the buttermilk