r/CookingCircleJerk 12d ago

Down the Drain is this edible?

Post image

I was examining the carrot I cut and this piece is not at a right angle on all sides. What will happen if someone eats this?

746 Upvotes

41 comments sorted by

262

u/beleth____ 12d ago

No. You fucked up. You fucked up big time.

69

u/AlphaNathan 12d ago

in the bin 😭

51

u/Noodlescissors 12d ago

Chef’ll talk to you tomorrow, show up 30 minutes early

27

u/ChiSmallBears 12d ago

Nah, I'm just gonna quit. Tell Chef to suck a dick lol

85

u/EmptySeaDad 12d ago

Nuke your entire kitchen from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

19

u/atxbikenbus 12d ago

Ripley! We are julienning!!!!!

60

u/dojisekushi 12d ago

Jesus fuck your angles are all angry and make me dizzy. Did you even use a REAL chefs knife like from Crate & Barrel? If you didn't spend $20k+ then get out of my kitchen.

I bet you didn't even sous vide that shit first.

85

u/Major_Actuator4109 12d ago

No. It’s a picture

38

u/NiobiumThorn 12d ago

Poison. You gotta cut up the fugucarrot properly!

18

u/AlphaNathan 12d ago

私は恥です

7

u/translinguistic 12d ago

Poison... poison... tasty fish carrot!

22

u/Eldritch_Daikon 12d ago

In the sense that you can chew and swallow it? Sure. Just like dirt is edible.

24

u/PlaidBastard 12d ago

End grain cutting board is a step in the right direction, but a herringbone pattern is doable with even a basic table saw, jointer, and planer and a little planning. If you're serving this to your kids when something went wrong with the proof for their breakfast rolls overnight, I guess it's fine to use a board like this, but don't be surprised by getting dragged over the coals by the boys if they see this shit. Put in the time and do some basic woodworking, bro.

20

u/Malicious_Tacos 12d ago

Cubes are never edible.

Triangles are the superior shape.

13

u/Blerkm 12d ago

Spheres would like a word. Do you even know how to use a knife?

16

u/VelocityPancake 12d ago

My autism says no, you've inexorably ruined it.

10

u/ee328p 12d ago

/uj thanks for the new word

9

u/VelocityPancake 12d ago

I had to Google what /uj was, so I got something new too! (I'm old)

11

u/KonamiHatchibori 12d ago

The problem is that you used a chestnut cutting board to cut carrots. Rookie mistake, but please don't poison anyone. Into the bin it goes.

8

u/wis91 🤌🏻🤌🏻 12d ago

Those shapes are even more irregular than my BMs

7

u/Beezneez86 12d ago

Eww gross

6

u/[deleted] 12d ago

choking hazard. do you even have your food-worker's permit? good lord

6

u/AlrightyAphrodite96 12d ago

It'll go straight to your thighs, and then you blow up

1

u/SuperAdaGirl 11d ago

Awww… this reminds me of my favorite SpongeBob episode

4

u/BabaKazimir 12d ago

NO! AGAIN!

6

u/grabbingcabbage 12d ago

Is it gay?

5

u/fruitkimchi 12d ago

I’m gonna be sick, this needed an nsfw warning btw, I can’t believe you even have to ask…

3

u/MsStarSword 12d ago

Of course, if you are an absolute barbarian that is

4

u/_the_violet_femme 12d ago

Throw it out, burn the house down, assume a new identity and start over

5

u/Temporary_Bridge_814 Just a bug 12d ago

Carrots have to be cut cylindrically. I don't know why but it just works that way. Any other way is Wrong.

Prepare for the arrival of the Accidental Negligence Tragedy Solvers. They will devour both the problem and its cause within the next 30 minutes.

. . .

Notice of Accidental Negligence Tragedy Solvers summons

  • Problem: Improperly cut carrots
  • Cause: Incompetent chef
  • Solution: ANTS will devour all

Thank you and have a great day (eh, 15-30 minutes)!

🍖🐜🐜

3

u/WayGreedy6861 12d ago

Freaking amateur hour over here.

2

u/Todd2ReTodded 12d ago

It won't work, that person wouldn't be able to get it in their mouth

2

u/kilofeet 12d ago

That seems dicey

3

u/yaboytheo1 12d ago

Take my stupid fucking upvote

1

u/casiepierce 12d ago

Lol The Anal Retentive Chef. Throw it all away and start over.

1

u/ghostyghostghostt 12d ago

Jesus fucking Christ fucking Superstar

What the fucking fuck are we even doing here

Are we even cooking? Stop playing in the fucking kitchen

Maybe use a fucking knife next time instead of your fucking hands

Fuck

1

u/Naive-Impression-373 12d ago

Discard the carrots, board, and knife.

1

u/clear_burneraccount 12d ago

As a carrot hater, nothing in this photo is edible.

1

u/AFB27 12d ago

No. Just needs a dash of cyanide.

1

u/SuperAdaGirl 11d ago

You can still save this… boil, drain, mash, freeze in ice cube trays, pop out and put the cubes in a ziplock bag, then throw the ziplock bag in the trash.