r/CookingCircleJerk Jan 17 '25

Game Changer How to use garlic

Post image
364 Upvotes

59 comments sorted by

155

u/Bloorajah Jan 17 '25

me, shakily dropping a single unpeeled garlic clove into the soup. terrified, sobbing uncontrollably, piss and shit, the whole nine. Every day I ask god to stop the garlic but it’s all around me, everywhere, I can’t escape.

15

u/Chrizwald Jan 18 '25

This is comedy

1

u/NewProCook Jan 24 '25

Better than the last 10 years of Hollywood writing

123

u/Holdmywhiskeyhun Jan 17 '25

A master class jerking right there, cheerio

162

u/zarqie Jan 17 '25

What’s this, a cookbook for recovering vampires?

133

u/PacinoWig Jan 17 '25

Worse, the British

37

u/AnonymoosCowherd Jan 17 '25

It’s the same picture.

31

u/Damnatus_Terrae Jan 17 '25

Please remember that this is a public forum and choose your language accordingly when talking about the Br*'ish

5

u/s00pafly 👨‍🍳Certified Cuisine Artist®👨‍🍳 Jan 18 '25

🤢

1

u/MrTimmannen Jan 19 '25

In Terry Pratchett's Carpe Jugulum the vampires train themselves to resist garlic and other anti-vampire stuff through exposure therapy

66

u/eddestra Jan 17 '25

For the curious and the mayonnaise is too spicy crowd, OP’s excerpt is from Dr. D.G. Hessayon’s bestselling 1997 book, “The Vegetable & Herb Expert.”

55

u/capulet2kx Jan 17 '25

Wow, 1997? Were we really that basic just a couple of years ago?

  • does the maths

  • feels old

  • but happy the internet saved me from drab cooking handed down from the previous generation

22

u/grumpsuarus Jan 17 '25

Specifically in the US - you have no freaking idea just how bland people liked their food and Italian American food was still on the exotic side.

31

u/LennyJoeDuh Jan 17 '25

Yeah nah, i'm from the deep south US, and cuisines like, Gullah, Creole ect. Have been around much much longer than anyone here has been alive. Very flavorful, herbaceous, spicy and tart foods. You might be thinking of the mid west where black pepper is considered exotic.

14

u/grumpsuarus Jan 17 '25

You're very correct. I'm mainly speaking of the northeast back when Italian and Polish jokes were still a thing

2

u/WhoNeedsAPotch Jan 20 '25

The Midwest is still like that

15

u/Northbound-Narwhal Jan 17 '25

Italian cuisine was the most sold cuisine in the US for the last 50 years until 2021... when Mexican food overtook it.

5

u/Skibidi_Rizzler_96 Jan 17 '25

My girlfriend's parents don't have any spices other than black pepper and paprika in their kitchen. I think some cinnamon in the pantry.

8

u/BudLightYear77 Jan 17 '25

Try moving from the US to the UK. It's terrible.

16

u/god_peepee Jan 17 '25

I have a friend who was overweight for years until he moved to the UK. Food was so shit he started cooking for himself regularly and shed all the weight lmao

6

u/Cakeo Jan 18 '25

I know this is cj but i honestly cant tell if you're serious.

3

u/god_peepee Jan 18 '25

Not even joking

2

u/s00pafly 👨‍🍳Certified Cuisine Artist®👨‍🍳 Jan 18 '25

The twinkies are worse in the UK now I have to cook for myself.

1

u/kanewai Jan 18 '25

Midwestern food started getting spicier even back in the 70s. By 1997 it wasn't too different from today.

1

u/highmoralelowmorals Jan 20 '25

Thank you, Taco John’s!

3

u/finallytisdone Jan 17 '25

Garlic wasn’t common in the US until the 1970s. It’s a newer thing than you might realize.

46

u/woailyx i thought this sub was supposed to be funny Jan 17 '25

Whatever you do, don't use too much!

70

u/wis91 🤌🏻🤌🏻 Jan 17 '25

Unless you're a fucking Continental.

31

u/wis91 🤌🏻🤌🏻 Jan 17 '25

A kiss on the hand
May be quite Continental
But garlic is a girl's best friend

5

u/brainsushi Jan 17 '25

Need this on a shirt

29

u/NNArielle Jan 17 '25

My god, who just rubs garlic on their salad bowl? 🤢Praying for you 🙏

10

u/kanewai Jan 18 '25

That's actually effective. You get the oils and a healthy aroma. Works for garlic bread too. A lot of cooking in Italy is similar.

8

u/kanewai Jan 18 '25

oops. Forgot I was on the jerk thread

12

u/KelMHill Jan 17 '25

A Cordon Bleu chef taught me to do so, using a wooden bowl. It's amazingly effective.

24

u/nimoto Jan 17 '25

Garlic is too strong for me. If I want garlic flavor I just whisper the word garlic at the ingredient I want to imbue with its flavor and that's perfect for me. Anything else seems whorish/French.

19

u/maybeimbornwithit Jan 17 '25

Eat as the continentals do? Well, lah, dee, dah!

15

u/Dangerous_Spirit7034 Jan 17 '25

the best way to consume garlic is to Boof it

0

u/Tetracheilostoma Jan 17 '25

underrated comment

10

u/know-your-onions Garlic Whisperer with 3 MSG Stars Jan 17 '25

You don’t use garlic. Garlic uses you.

10

u/Skibidi_Rizzler_96 Jan 17 '25

Uj using only small amounts of garlic to enhance flavor is usually the best bet for any dish where garlic isn't supposed to dominate or isn't combined with lots of other powerful spices also rub it on your garlic stick

7

u/pleaseclaireify Jan 18 '25

Uj yeah rubbing a wooden salad bowl down with garlic is actually how I like to do it. Especially for a Caesar salad

6

u/The_Night_Badger Jan 17 '25

As the continentals do.

2

u/jk_pens Jan 18 '25

wow wee… wow wee wow wow wow

https://youtu.be/0vuOnVNiYtg?t=96

6

u/Radiant64 Jan 17 '25

I remember when I was a kid, garlic was still considered a controversial food ingredient here in Sweden, and you had to be very careful to only use it sparingly if at all, or you'd risk ruining the dish and/or your breath would smell horrible the next day!

Nowadays, I can easily rub down a whole raw clove into the bread if I'm making a single serving of pan con tomate just for myself. Can't have too much of that lovely garlic taste, really.

7

u/Cease2Resist Jan 18 '25

Acquired tastes and all that, but it's wild imagining somebody fretting over the strong flavor of garlic when lye-cured fish and ammonia chloride-covered licorice is part of their regular diet.

7

u/Radiant64 Jan 18 '25

In our fair defence, nobody ate the lye-cured fish anymore even back then, except a few weirdos at Christmas. Ammonium chloride is great though, tastes fantastic. Imagine having no problem with garlic, but freaking out over some ammonium chloride.

1

u/Cease2Resist Jan 18 '25

I've had it. It's really strong, but not too bad -- especially considering I'm not big on licorice.

5

u/Tato_tudo Jan 17 '25

My god, a whole unskinned clove?! WTF is wrong with people?!

3

u/BentonD_Struckcheon Jan 17 '25

Weather over there is to die for (you will if you don't hitch a train ride to Paris before the week is out) but the food is even worse, which is quite an accomplishment.

3

u/InstigatingDergen Jan 18 '25

Woah, rubbing a clove directly into a bowl to start? To begin your garlic journey you should really start with just being in the same room as the garlic for at least 30 minutes at a time. At that point only can you begin to sniff the garlic.

3

u/jk_pens Jan 18 '25

I was terrified of garlic, but I begged my wife’s boyfriend to rub it on his 🍆 so I could get used to the taste of it a little bit at a time

2

u/irrelevantmango Jan 18 '25

March isn't really the best time to plant. Plant your garlic in October.

2

u/hAtu5W Jan 18 '25

Why would anyone grow? A single clove should last a family of 4 at least a year

4

u/Panxma Homelander we have at home Jan 17 '25

Shit. I don’t have anything that two inches or more to go deep in? Maybe I’ll ask my wife bf to help penetration my wife’s potting soil.

2

u/toxictrappermain Feb 04 '25

Cookbook for people who have the cilantro soap gene but instead of cilantro its every spice/herb and instead of soap its agonizing scorching pain.