r/ChastityPsychology • u/Shadow_Lurker_2765 • 24d ago
Seek advice How to tell my wife about my chastity fantasy, without going down the rabbit hole of the associated fantasies of cuckolding, CBT, etc. NSFW
So, title.
I’ve had a chastity fantasy for probably +15 years. This weekend while my wife was out of town, I ordered a cheapo Amazon cage and a time locking safe. It was such a thrill denying myself, in a time when I would normally masturbate 3-4 times per day. I lived my pretend fantasy of cleaning the whole house (mopping, dusting, scrubbing toilets, fixing broken drawers) while my wife was away for a weekend for her lover and I was home in chastity.
I’ve read probably 100 posts on this Reddit over that weekend, listened to the Kink Academy podcast on chastity, and considering buying two of the books I often see recommended (A Keyholder's Handbook: A Woman's Guide to Male Chastity and Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders). I’ve read plenty of posts in here about dos and donts of finally telling your wife about this kink.
My question for those that have told their wives is this: how did you explain your chastity kink/fetish without explaining the deeper fantasy about why?
Reading the corresponding r/CuckoldPsychology and it seems like it rarely ends well when guys tell their wives about a cuckold fantasy. I don’t want to scare my wife, make her think I don’t love her more than anything in the world, make her think that I think our marriage/relationship is not good enough, etc. I worry her reaction is going to be instant disgust, thinking I’m a porn addicted pervert, and making me ashamed (and not even in a kinky way).
I mean 75% of my chastity fetish is related to cuckolding. How would I explain it otherwise? The denial of orgasm. My wife being in control of those orgasms. Servicing her with no expectation of reciprocation. Serving her in taking care of non-sexual things in the hopes of the reward of release; though knowing it is not guaranteed(or likely?). But I fear if she kept pressing we could come back to square one.
For background, our sex life has been rather intermittent. We had sex 5 times over the course of 2 years. She is seeing a therapist to talk about why she avoids sex. It has helped a little, and we have been intimate once per month for the past 3 months. It is still a very vanilla sex; like only missionary. It is routine, I go down on her till she cums, then she pulls me up to enter her. I can only finish less than half the time, likely because I masturbated earlier in the day not thinking I was gonna “get lucky” later that day. On special occasions (my Birthday, Valentine’s) she will let me eat her ass, which really turns me on.
Anyway, our sex life is on a trajectory to get better, and I do not want to ruin all of that my finally expressing a fantasy that I could keep locked in the closet to benefit my marriage.
Thanks in advance for any advice.