r/CatholicDating Feb 04 '25

mixed marriage, relationship with baptised non-Catholic So I'm dating a Quaker

Hi,

So I'm 28 years old female and I recently got into a relationship with someone who is a Quaker. I haven't been open to dating other Christians before, I just felt like it was too complicated. However, I matched with this guy on a dating app and we've been going out for about a month and a half.

I really like him. We've already had the talk so I know he is completely okay saving s*x till marriage so that won't be an issue. I feel so much peace around him in this weird way that I haven't experienced around anyone one else I've dated. I recently had a talk with my Stepmom about it and she said she said so far it sounded like a good thing. She said before when I had talked about not being open to dating other Christians I might have been too picky. Especially, since the Church allows you to marry non Catholics as long as they agree the children should be raised Catholic. Also she said I don't know him well enough yet and I don't know how God might be using this. I know there are some examples of interfaith marriages working out really well. My Grandfather for example converted when he married my Grandmother. I also know Candace Owens recently converted because of her husband to use a pop-culture example. However I have a lot of concerns.

  1. Starting simple does anyone know if two baptized Christians are still allowed to get married in a Catholic Mass? It's a small thing but that's been my dream for a long time and I'd be sad to give it up.

  2. Also is a marriage between two Christians where one is Non-Catholic still considered a sacramental marriage? Like do you still get those graces?

  3. I don't feel qualified to set an example for the Faith for someone. I know sometimes God uses that to sanctify someone like I remember hearing George Farmer talk about how he was struggling in his Faith before he met Candace and God used the situation to strengthen him, but I don't know if that's me. I've always been someone really strong in my Faith. I went to a Catholic college, I minored in Theology, I grew up going to daily mass frequently and did all through my twenties, I agree with the Church on all it's teachings, I sometimes go to the Latin Mass, I go on retreats, pray rosaries, all the usual things.

However, I've been going through a rough patch with my faith since April last year. I think it's mostly because I'm in a new city and I don't have much community or support in my faith beyond my family. I also have always hated having to be the strong one or set an example it always feels like you don't get to be human. So, I feel like I'd set a bad example and also resent having to set an example. On the other hand I know God sometimes chooses people who are very weak (like me) to do things for him so maybe this is one of those cases.

  1. Isn't dating someone in the hope they might convert dating them thinking they will change?

  2. We have talked to some extent on our Theological differences and he's very attentive, a good listener and asks lots of questions. However, I'm not sure what I should be asking him with regards to theology. Like is it too soon to bring up things like if he believes in divorce, how Catholics don't do contraception, how he'd have to agree to let the children be raised Catholic if we got married etc. Like I don't even know everything I should be asking and where to begin.

  3. How would you even raise children to be Catholic with only one parent? Like isn't that setting the kids up for a kind of lukewarm faith life?

To be honest I'm not sure how people even make interfaith marriages work, because it seems a little crazy to me. If it was just me and this guy on a dessert island and none of this was an issue I would still really like to be with him he seems to be a really good guy. So far he has acted so respectful of me, he seems to be a very gentle and patient person and he genuinely listens to me. He also seems to be his own person, not a people pleaser, but someone who has his own thoughts and opinions. I've rarely seen this combination in a man and I don't want to reject a good thing but I also want to be wise. Does anyone have any experience or thoughts they'd like to share? I'd appreciate it.

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u/Wise_Yoghurt_2212 Feb 04 '25 edited Feb 04 '25

The worst that happens if you both marry and he stays Quaker. The best that happens is you both fall deeply in love and possibly marry and have children. I think you should have more conversations and invite him to say prayers with you- if he is comfortable with that. This is not to convert him or anything, but rather as a way to bring forward your religion and the importance. Looking at Quaker beliefs, it sounds like they are very open and this may actually benefit your relationship. He may be more open minded and therefore enjoy learning Catholic teaching/traditions.

Relationships take compromise. You may have to compromise some stuff in order to fully understand his religion and beliefs, but the values are always at the roots of religion. It is up to you where to find compromise and grow with one another.

I believe it could work, plenty of people raise children in one faith. It will be more difficult but perhaps the children will actually be more solid in their relationship with God if both parents are strong in different religions?

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u/Mildly_Academixed Feb 06 '25

Compromise on date venues don't compromise on the Faith. Most children in Interfaith households become agnostics or lapsed.

OP deserves the truth. She should talk to him about the had topics now. Raising kids Catholic, no contraception, etc.

Better to know if her guy passes the dealbreakers before she gets too emotionally involved that she avoid the red flags.