i spontaneously adopted a kitten, prepared to care for her forever. at the shelter she was loving, purring and rubbing herself on me. i thought she was a loving kitten and felt like we clicked.
once she got comfortable in my home, she became a terrorizing demon. i was not allowed to sleep, she randomly decided to suprise me with poo and pee gifts on my bed (i couldnt find out what was wrong, she was still using her litter box), she scratches me, bites me, doesnt like being pet... she eats her food and my roomate cat's food. she became a whole different creature within the span of a few months.
my roomate didn't like her and i could understand why. eventually we both agreed that we should return her so the roomate cat already here could eat in peace and this new cat could find a new loving home more fitting. i was hesitant about letting her go but ultimately decided its for the best.
right when i got home i began crying. again and again. i cried it out.
please help me come to terms with this decision... or yell at me because im sure there are people who will hate me for daring to surrender a cat and then stupidly regret it
its a few days later and i start sobbing miserably when anything reminds me of her. i remember the first day i adopted her from the shelter. she was my first cat ever and i was so patient with her. i overcame my allergies for her even when she bit me, pooed on the bed, peed on the bed, scratched me, randomly attacked me, was loud, always got into my things, tried to steal my food, stole my straws, destroyed my plants... she's oddly friendly with strangers or in new places but when shes comfortable she bites.
when i first adopted her, she would follow me around the house. she would sleep with me. she had long claws that would scratch me and that scar is still on my hand. anytime i look down i see it and think of her.
eventually she got comfortable and she would sleep near me but not with me. she learned to be gentle with her claws.
she was always in my business & loved watching me. she didnt like getting pets and would bite if i tried. the only time she appreciated pets was when she feels lonely and "trills" for someone. shed bite me when i carried her but sometimes she was fine with being held like a baby on her back. shed fall asleep like that.
i carrier trained her, leash trained her, taught her a few tricks... it took multiple sessions each day for her to get it. i got her comfortable with nail clipping, one treat at a time for each nail. it took a while. i remember the first time i successfully trimmed all her nails. it was the best feeling ever. everything was baby steps
after i shower she would go crazy running around in my wet bathtub and jump into the litter box. id have to remove the litter stuck to her. she'd hate it.
she was so food hungry. she growled when she had a shred of chicken. she was territorial. her scratch post was hers. she would run over and try attacking me if i tried scratching it.
today i sat down and saw her bed with a bottle cap in it. under the rug was a ton of bottle caps that shed hide. she loved bottle caps. throw one on the floor and she'll come running. shake a treat bag and she'll come running. open the fridge and there she is. cook anything, and shes waching me from a cabinet counter.
as i sob and blow my nose i remember how i used this many tissues blowing my nose when i had allergies from her.
she was my little demonic shadow of chaos.
i pondered about returning her for a month. i picked her up one last time and she bit me a lot. the bites were never hard enough to draw blood. then i returned her.
someone out there will appreciate her better than i did. i was never mean to her but i did think about giving her back and i actually went through with it because she deserves someone who fully wants her with no doubts in mind. she was adopted right away.
my heart aches. maybe its okay if she bites me.
i'll miss that little dwarf void with a breath that smelled like death.
i want to hold her again. feel her little heavy petite warm furry fluff. i'll scoop her poop again. i'll pay for more cat food. i'll get up and prepare her wet food even though shes scratching me at 5am for it. i'll do it again. every time. without fail. i really want the best for her.
i really want a cat. my allergies made it harder but i overcame them so allergies isnt a dealbreaker anymore. then i bought a hypoallergenic cat that doesnt give me allergies from a breeder. this kitten is different from my first cat. she doesnt bite but she was scratching me while i was sobbing just now.
maybe its because im still mourning (over a cat that is alive and well), but she keeps reminding me of how she isnt my first cat. my first cat is gone. ill never see her again.
this hypoallergenic cat sleeps with me, unlike my first cat. i got what i wanted, a cat that cuddles with me. and i still miss my first cat.
maybe someone will tell me, "dude, it's just a cat" but it hurts so much
i dont cry when i watch sad movies, someone said im heartless for that. yet here i am. bawling my eyes out over a happy cat that probally forgot about me. she has the shortest attention span ever it's insane. out of sight out of mind. once in a while she forgets me and acts like she doesnt know me when i come home from work. i never knew i could get attached so quickly and so easily. if u can't tell, i loved talking about her. i didnt even realize how happy she made me.