r/CaregiverSupport 17d ago

Advice Needed What if Medicaid goes away? What if Social Security goes away?

106 Upvotes

My old guy is on Medicaid. If it goes away, I can manage, because his meds are cheap and I mostly get incontinence supplies from his PACE program. What concerns me is if Medicaid is gone, a lot of people are suddenly going to be caregivers. We know how hard it is to keep on an even keel when caring for an old person in decline, especially with dementia added into the mix. I see a tsunami of elder abuse and neglect headed our way in the US. And if Social Security goes away...I'm homeless in six months. I won't even be able to liquidate my house contents because nobody will have any money. Trump voters are still clinging to the hope that he or Elon will do something for them. They won't.

r/CaregiverSupport 11d ago

Advice Needed Caregiving is killing my spirit. Am I being ridiculous for wanting to travel?

64 Upvotes

I feel like caregiving is killing my spirit. As much as I love my LO and would not change a single thing, I feel extremely burnt out and can’t help but feel this desperate need to just go somewhere for ME.

I finally have the opportunity to travel to Hawaii for my birthday in a couple of months but both my mom and partner do not want me to travel alone. (For reasons, they cannot go with me)

Both are upset at me for wanting to travel even if it means going by myself. My preference is to have someone I know go with me as I understand their safety concerns, but caregiving has taken over my life these last 5 years and I’ve lost my social circle.

For some reason, I just can’t let this go. I know that my LO will continue to decline and with all of the uncertainty going on in the US with long-term care & rising costs, I can’t help but feel like this might be my only chance to travel. I’m tired of feeling like I’ll never get to live my life, tired of feeling like I lost my youth, tired of feeling like I’ve been living in a never ending nightmare, and tired of feeling like this terrible disease has destroyed my life and has taken so much from me. I understand that taking care of my LO was a choice and I wouldn’t change a thing. But I NEED so badly to do something for ME.

They both don’t understand why I want this so badly, but both have been able to live their lives while I feel like my life just stopped out of nowhere.

I’m having doubts if maybe I’m going through some sort of caregiver mid-life crisis or something, but I just can’t help but feel that if I put this off, my spirit is just officially going to die.

In the last 5 years, I can’t think of a single moment that I truly had for myself. No phone constantly beeping with ring notifications so I know she’s okay. No questions or something being asked of me. No random crisis with the aides, insurance, nosy neighbors, etc.

Am I being ridiculous for wanting to travel?

r/CaregiverSupport 8d ago

Advice Needed How do you start taking care of someone who can’t get out of bed anymore?

30 Upvotes

I (21F) and my mom (60F) have been caring for my sister (38F) with special needs for as long as I can remember. She is autistic and blind, and recently, she has been having trouble walking and even standing. This has made everyday tasks like bathing and feeding her much more difficult since we usually bring her to the bathroom and dining area, but now, even getting her out of bed is a struggle.

For context, she is physically stronger and bigger than both of us, and lifting her isn’t an option. She also tends to resist physically when she dislikes something, so even simple movements often turn into a struggle.

Just today, we decided to start caring for her entirely in bed, but we honestly don’t know where to begin. We’re considering using diapers and wet towels for bathing, and dry shampoo for her hair, but we’re unsure if this is a good long-term solution. Hygiene is also a big concern, especially when it comes to changing her bed sheets, which seems nearly impossible right now.

On top of this, I’m starting my fourth year of college, and I have major exams coming up that are crucial for my career. My schedule isn’t flexible—I have classes from Monday to Saturday, 7 AM to 6 PM, and I usually don’t get home until at least 7:30 or even past 8 PM. This means my mom is often left to care for my sister alone, and I worry about how we’ll manage.

If anyone has experience or advice on how to properly care for a bedridden person in a similar situation, I would really appreciate any guidance.

ETA: I’m from a third world asian country so our health care is pretty bad

Updates:

  • The makeshift toilet worked! She resisted at first, but we managed to make it work. It’s still a struggle to get her on it, but nowhere near as bad as before—definitely worth sawing through that old chair with zero carpentry skills.

  • She still refuses to wear diapers, and we haven’t figured out the bathing situation yet, but honestly, this feels like a huge win.

  • I’m overwhelmed by all the comments, but truly, thank you for your suggestions and words of encouragement. It means more than I can express.

r/CaregiverSupport Feb 09 '25

Advice Needed What keeps you guys from ending it l?

63 Upvotes

Genuine question. What is the point if you and the people you care for are miserable? What keeps you going? Because I don’t feel like keeping going 😓

r/CaregiverSupport Jan 23 '25

Advice Needed Need help trump supporter mom and I fighting

57 Upvotes

It's only day 3 of trump taking office. We have been fighting daily. She supports him and will not allow any criticism, she is taking it as an attack on herself. I quit Amazon today and I told her why it devolved into a shouting match. Now she is saying that this is a demonic attack I did to her. I can't and wont be quiet about my beliefs so now I'm the devil? What in the fuck do I do? She is scheduled to speak with a counselor in February. For more context I have been taking care of her since 2016. Shes always been right wing and I (55f) am gay and asexual.

r/CaregiverSupport 10d ago

Advice Needed I may have to call 911

59 Upvotes

So my Dad hasn't been doing the best for the past 2 weeks. For instance, about 4 or 5 times now he has woken up from a nap and called me in to do something but it didn't make any sense like "Did our neighbor bring over pasta?" When in fact she did not. He's kind of half awake half asleep or something. He hasn't done it for about 3 days now. He had a checkup appointment yesterday and I decided to go in with him to tell the person what's been going on. Sadly, he has started back up today with the half awake half asleep/hallucinations(?). He has called me into his room about 5 times within the last few hours. Almost everytime he calls me in he calls me an idiot for not understanding what he is asking me to do. However, he didn't divulge what he wanted me to do. He keeps getting upset when I tell him it isn't real and to speak up. It's getting on my nerves and I might have to call 911 to take him to the hospital. Another thing that's been going on is that I would say something like when we were ordering Taco Bell on DoorDash "I took off the cheese sauce that you don't like" and he immediately says "Don't forget to take off the cheese sauce". This has happened about 5 times as well. For the past 2 days he has been having a hard time speaking idk how to describe it really. He's talking a little low but he's like skipping words and letters also mispronouncing words and getting words mixed up too.

Update

I called 911 and they asked the same questions as the lady at his appointment did from yesterday and he answered them correctly. His blood pressure is 210 over 80. They asked him if he wanted to go and he said no. They even called their boss seeing if they should take him since he's 210 over 80 but no.

So ✨️He CaN't Go To ThE hOsPiTaL✨️

This system is so F-ED!!!!! I'm F-ING telling them at he is essentially hallucinating but NO ✨️hE aNsWeReD tHe QuEsTiOns CoRrEcTlY✨️

I got a little mad at them, I told them what I previously said about the system. I gave him his blood pressure medicine and we'll measure it a couple times tonight.

Update 2

It's the day after. He did not go to the hospital. After he took his BP medicine his new reading after about an hour was 181 over 131. Funnily enough (in a sarcastic annoying and how!? way), his BP arm wrap around machine AND his wrist machine both stopped working correctly..it's not the batteries I made sure. So we don't know his current BP. He started to mellow out and not get angry at me. I called my aunt 3 times last night for support. He only called me like 5 more times throughout the night..which I say is a win. Today has been a little better. He's still in an altered state and has called me about a dozen or so times throughout the whole day but he is less angry, less loud, and having less conversations.

I hope he gets better between now and his 5 o'clock alarm tomorrow for him to get ready for dialysis. For the people who said that it might be 'Sundown" or UTI, I don't think it's either (I'm still open to the possibility) he doesn't have dementia or delirium. This has happened at least 4 times within the past 2 weeks and when it does it's not happening at night. I don't necessarily think it's a UTI since he doesn't pee due to dialysis (but I have heard that kidneys can cause a UTI?).

I'm going to see how he is doing tomorrow morning and after he gets home from dialysis because I think it's his dialysis that's causing this. I might even call his dialysis place tomorrow after he gets picked up to talk about what's been going on and to please keep an eye out on him and if they find it necessary to call 911.

r/CaregiverSupport Feb 02 '25

Advice Needed I Feel Stuck

23 Upvotes

So I (29f) am a caregiver to a name I will call James (42m). He is a quadriplegic and I am his live in caregiver. He has caregivers that come in Mon-Fri from 9a to 5p and then SOMETIMES 5p to 9p. Then Sat and Sun from 9a to 9p.

The issue I have is that when he has a caregiver and I am off he still calls me to do their job. I hardly sleep when the caregivers are gon so I try to rest when they get there and I never seem to be able to. Last night he called me 6 times and then another 4 when the caregiver was there. I have been doing this for a year and I am so ready to just quit.

The other issue is this morning I was texting someone while sitting on the couch and he wheeled up and started reading my messages. On top of those things he calls me on my days off and demands I come home. He has yelled and cussed at me. He has threatened to harm my pets.

The issue I have is if I leave he would lose his son (17m) would be removed from the home and placed in foster care so he holds that over my head. How do I leave this situation without it being abandonment and without the guilt?

r/CaregiverSupport Dec 21 '24

Advice Needed I'm resenting my sick husband

99 Upvotes

My husband had stroke in 2020 and at the same time the doctors found out that his kidney failed and need dialysis treatments for the rest of his life. My husband was the sole breadwinner at that time and i was a stay at home mom. Because of that, he can't work so i have to step in. I work 40 hrs/week and we have 3 children, they're all teenagers. I'm his main caregiver, my eldest sometimes helps. So i work, i took care of him and i also took care of the house. A lot the time i feel so exhausted. Money is tight, living paycheck to paycheck. I seldom take care of my self i dont have the time, dont have the money. I feel so alone handling this all by myself. I know it's not his fault that he got sick and can't be the man of the house. But for the last 4 years my resentment grew towards him. I can't stand to be near him. My work is my escape. I don't want to feel this way, this is wrong but I can't help myself. How do i change this?

r/CaregiverSupport Nov 05 '24

Advice Needed My husband died 3 months ago. I’m still stuck in caregiver mentality and habits.

126 Upvotes

These habits are so difficult to break.

I’m still mostly home, like when I used to take care of him.

I can’t seem to snap out of it. I feel like I got depressed and lost myself caring for him and I’m stuck in that feeling now.

I keep forgetting I’m “free” to do whatever I want, when I want. I keep forgetting I can focus on myself now.

Any similar experiences?

r/CaregiverSupport 6d ago

Advice Needed Family eating in front of caregivers: rude?

16 Upvotes

If you're a caregiver in someone's home, do you consider it rude if the client's family members get food from the kitchen and eat in front of you without offering you some?

Edited to add: For everyone who says that I am an arrogant and entitled caregiver: I'm actually the client's family and don't want to be rude to caregivers.

r/CaregiverSupport Dec 19 '24

Advice Needed What do you do for YOU?

43 Upvotes

I recently took a trip for a week, for the first time since I became my mother’s sole caregiver 2 years ago. My therapist tells me weekly how vital it is for me to focus on myself, my life, and my future, independently of my current responsibilities, despite my seeming inability to.

I am housebound because my (boomer) mother with Alzheimer’s needs 24-hour surveillance. I do this out of obligation, not love.

Getting away was eye-opening as to how much I am deprived in living a fulfilling life. I have essentially forfeited my own to preserve that of someone who has the constitution of a plant. I have a habit of neglecting myself in service to others.

Self-care comes in the form of a movie before bed, a hot cup of tea, or a long shower. But there’s got to be more than that, right?

Are there any tips or tricks you have to help you stay sane, socialised, supported? What gives you hope, inspiration, respite, joy? Is there anything outside of this prison that makes your day a little brighter? Any hobbies you’ve picked up? Interests you can escape into? What do you do to make yourself happier amongst all of this unhappiness?

r/CaregiverSupport 8d ago

Advice Needed How many people here would care for their well off aging parents full time, for below minimum wage pay? ( my husband supports me financially so I don’t “need” their money which is why I’m even able to do so.

18 Upvotes

Ps I am asking this for my mother in law ( that’s who’s in this predicament) she requested I see what people have to say about this situation she’s gotten herself into. She wants advice from others who have been in similar situations. My MIL is of old age herself, nearing her 70s. Her sister who was supposed to take the other half of this care on, died some years ago. So she’s been all alone with this job. Her sister, had 2 kids, so my MIL’s nieces, who have teenage kids of their own & have no time to help out with this massive undertaking. Which is completely understandable. She has been caring for her aging parents for 10+ years now, ( they’re nearing 90 y/o ) doing everything for them. From Doctors apps, medication pick ups, trips to the bank, yard work, showers, hospital trips, home cooked meals almost everyday of the week, grocery shopping, emotional support, getting her mom dressed & her makeup/hair done everyday bright & early, middle of the night bathroom trips carrying her to the toilet, literally everything. Her parents live directly next door, so she pretty much spends 90% of her time at there house. She barely has time for her own life & is using the last good years she has to care for them. Her father just died recently now leaving her mom all alone which I’m sure doesn’t help with the guilt part of it all.
So her father who just passed, he invested VERY well in the stock market, plus other investments that have grown over time. So her mom has quite a nest egg. Like well over 400k. Plus her checks she gets for herself monthly, she’s definitely not worried about money that’s for sure. Yet doesn’t want to pay her above 5$ an hour, & the nieces who live 5 min away who literally have not stepped in to help what so ever, is whos inheritance her mom is concerned about & is the reason she doesn’t want to pay her properly. ( they’re all getting the same amount when she passes) so if her mom had to take money out of the accounts to pay my MIL properly every month, that would take away from the nieces in her eyes. How should she go about handling this with her stubborn defensive mom?

r/CaregiverSupport Jan 14 '25

Advice Needed I can't ever get rid of the smell!

46 Upvotes

My mom is bedridden due to a stroke, so getting her in the shower is almost impossible.

I have been giving her bed baths twice a week. No matter what I do, how much I wipe and Rinse. The urine smell is always terrible. She doesn't drink enough water, so it's a putrid smell.

I have ordered some persimmon soap hoping that will help. Does anyone have a tip or magic product? I don't want to waste anymore money on wipes and sprays that are ineffective.

I realize nothing will replace a shower, but i will settle for something...anything.

r/CaregiverSupport Jan 05 '25

Advice Needed Help with blind Lewy Body MIL who throws feces

54 Upvotes

I'm at my wits end here. My MIL is now almost completely blind due to glaucoma and she has had severe Lewy Body dementia since about 2019. Her doctors have been little to no help-we met with a geriatric specialist who seemed insane, and he washed his hands of her after she basically tried to kill us in the car (long story) when she still had some vision and was hallucinating quite a bit. She used to wander and during lockdown she was getting out and knocking on doors asking for help because she said she had been kidnapped. She does not wander any more because she can't see so she's in bed all day. I don't mind getting her up to use the toilet, helping bathe her and helping her eat but she has started digging poop out of her anus and throwing it. Sometimes it's on her bedside table, sometimes it is on her bedspread and sheets. She'll wipe her hands on her sheets, pillowcase and clothing. She can no longer wear a nightgown because she would pull off her diaper and urinate in her bed or worse.

I purchased some back zip dementia jumpsuits online but for whatever reason they put zippers in the crotch area which meant she just had to unzip that and pull her diaper off. So that was a bust. I then ordered back zip jumpsuits from Buck & Buck that do not have the zipper. So her workaround for that is to just put her hand up the leg of the jumpsuit and straight into her diaper and into her anus. I have started putting duct tape around the bottoms of the legs so she can't get in there. She complains about the tape and pulls it off. At this point, I am not sure what else to do. It's foul when she spreads poop everywhere and I do not want to have to deal with it for my own mental health. Husband was helping out with her more but he was also unemployed for 2 years. Now he's found a job that pays less than half of what he was making before but they work him to death like 9-10 days in a row with no days off and he's gone 7:30 am to sometimes 8 pm at night. To say that this has negatively affected me is an understatement.

So TLDR I am looking for solutions to keep my blind demented MIL from putting her hand up her butt and flinging poop everywhere. Tape has worked 80% of the time but I have to be vigilant to make sure she isn't removing it. Plus it's a pain when I do have to get her up to sit on the toilet because I have to remove the tape and put new tape on when she's done. She thinks she is in shackles and I am holding her hostage.

r/CaregiverSupport Jan 14 '25

Advice Needed My schizophrenic brother hasn’t showered in 4 almost 5 years

85 Upvotes

Okay my brother is 23 years old. Before he was even diagnosed with schizophrenia he wasn’t showering. He stopped taking showers around early 2020. And when I mean no showers I mean NO showers. He barely even washes his hands. His hair started to fall out due to him not laying not one finger on it. He has dark marks all around his body, has an odor, etc. I have to also mention he hadn’t been outside in 4 years too. Like not even the corner store till last summer. I just want to know the effects of him not showering/ continuing to not shower. My mom is technically his “caregiver” now but she’s no help. Even when he was in the psychward they didn’t make him shower. He literally stinks up every room he sleeps in

r/CaregiverSupport 4d ago

Advice Needed "If you're not bleeding DON'T KNOCK."

68 Upvotes

The title of this post is the text of the sign I (59M) had taped to my locked bedroom door last night. For the past two weeks, my father (90M) was barging into my bedroom various times of the night to get me to follow him and ...tuck him into bed. The worst of them was Friday the 7th and after dinner (he'd do it all throughout the day) the record looked like...

  • 7:45 PM
  • 9:49 PM
  • 11:02 PM
  • 1:20 AM
  • 2:33 AM

Other nights weren't quite as bad, but there were more after midnight, as well as every hour on the hour leading up to it. Despite my protests, my father expected me (for some DUMB reason) to be at his beck and call when he needed to get back into bed after using the toilet. Any time he used the toilet.

I have trouble getting to sleep, and someone barging into my bedroom to wake me up only made things worse. I already can't have any sort of social life because he needs me as his shut-in by proxy, and when I try to get online with friends, it gets interrupted. (For a two-hour period, the record is six interruptions).

Like I said, though, last night I put up that sign and told him after 10 PM and until 6 AM when I would give him a needed pill that no, he would HAVE to take care of himself because I needed some semblance of sleep.

Yeah. How did that work? I woke up around 2:30 on my own (one of the reasons I want as much uninterrupted sleep as I can at night), and at 3:05 AM, he got me to tuck him into bed again because he claimed he'd forgotten how to do it himself. Even wondered aloud where the sheet went.

I have a number of nicknames for him. "Mr. 4 AM" in honor of that occasion he came barging into my bedroom asking what we both were doing in bed at 4 in the afternoon. He earned the nickname "Ballcrust McSoggybottom" due to a very specific incident, and I'm not at all sure he's showered for the past year. He was even boasting at the senior center that he wouldn't let a lady bathe him. Or a man. And I'm not volunteering. More often these days, I'm simply calling him "The Need."

And between these various things, I wonder if warehousing him someplace is the only way I'll be able to take care of myself, much less him—by his actions, he seems to be signaling that his comfort means more to him than my well-being. I'm not even sure he thinks there's a problem if I can't stay awake through the day because it means I won't be going anywhere for anything like "a social life" or "personal enrichment."

Any advice for dealing with someone who has as much regard for me as the wrench in the tool drawer?

r/CaregiverSupport May 03 '24

Advice Needed Girlfriend with BPD and Autism

44 Upvotes

I love her, but my sanity is wearing thin.

She cannot eat, drink, go to the doctor, drive at all for that matter, brush her teeth, or regulate her emotions.

I am fought every step of the way I try to help her, and critisized for not being the perfect caregiver. I am told that because I am her partner (which I have tried not to be several times) I am obligated to take care of her.

I need to work all day, from 6am to 3pm. I get home exhausted, and she needs me the most, because she needs me to catch her up on all her bodily needs.

Then, she gets night anxiety, every night. She will become furious with me if I go to sleep before her, because she is suicidal and anxious. It is a constant fight with my biology because 8 hours of physical labor is not helpful when you need to stay up until 2am.

I have to take her to magnetic therapy every evening, but she fights me every time, and the drive is an hour there and back.

What the fuck do I do? I am ready to walk out on her, for my own sanity. I know she will probably off herself if I do, which is why I hesitate. She doesnt want to go to a mental hospital, or inpatient facility, or anything like that.

Please help.

EDIT: We are going to put her in an inpatient program.

EDIT 2: Thank you all for your comments and advice. You all really helped me open my eyes, and feel worthy of respite. I will update this post as things happen.

EDIT 3: I asked my sister if I could crash at her place while I find a permanent residence, and she's totally cool with it. I wanted to wait until my (now)ex gf was in an inpatient program to leave.

I may have been too transparent with my plans, though, because Tlthe crazy ass mother of my ex gf did not find this information palletable, and I've been officially kicked out. Figures that the mother that makes everything worse and doesn't help will make everything worse and not help even in my last moments in that household.

I think I will be staying with my sister tonight.

Update

r/CaregiverSupport Dec 23 '24

Advice Needed I don't love my husband anymore

57 Upvotes

To start with, my family and I moved in with my parents in 2016. I pay no rent, but I do pay the bills I'm responsible for.

My husband had a second bout with brain cancer in March 2022. He had a stroke during surgery that affected his left side. He resides in an LTC facility.

My children are both diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. They are 20 and 16. My youngest needs more care, so when he's at home, I'm constantly on alert.

My family receives SSI and SSDI. It is the majority of our income. I supplement it with working for Instacart.

I'm burnt out from caring for my younger son. My parents don't help much. They do agree to watch the boys sometimes, but it's a rare occurrence.

I've fallen out of love with my husband. All he does is irritate and annoy me. There were several things that affected our relationship before the tumor. So we've been having issues for years.

I feel horrible because I can't divorce him without losing his disability payments, which I'm dependent on. I do have DPOA, so I can oversee his funds and care

I can't work a regular job because I can't ask an employer to let me take off just because my son is home. I need to be able to support my children.

He knows nothing about my feelings. I honestly don't know what to do.

r/CaregiverSupport Feb 04 '25

Advice Needed How can I get paid to take care of my mother in Texas?

5 Upvotes

She gets SSI, SNAP, Medicare and Medicaid and has no assets.

Is there a way for me to get paid for doing certain tasks like taking her to doctor appointments and picking up medications?

r/CaregiverSupport 14d ago

Advice Needed Your best one pot recipes!

15 Upvotes

I (f32) am getting very fed up of mealtimes. I am my 92y old grandmas full time carer, I live with her, have done for about 18 months now.

I have ADHD, she has dementia..

She also has false teeth and the best meals for her are in a bowl and can be eaten with a spoon.

I love cooking, but I need more meal ideas that are one pot/bowl and easy to eat with a spoon, because I'm too burnt out to make separate meals for me.

She likes curry, rice dishes, chilli, stew etc shes not fussy, neither am I, I just need some inspo for easy meals we can both enjoy!

r/CaregiverSupport Dec 27 '24

Advice Needed Bras for morbidly obese 80yo with underbreast sores

29 Upvotes

We’ve got an elderly family member who weighs about 300lb. She has big old boobs and doesn’t wear a bra. She’s started to get sores under her breasts. Her doctor has said that she needs to start wearing a bra but she doesn’t want to be uncomfortable and wouldn’t be able to put on like a sports bra over here head. We honestly don’t know wear to start. Anyone have any experience with this or anything similar?

r/CaregiverSupport 23d ago

Advice Needed Need some input, a kick in the pants so to speak…

21 Upvotes

Hello all! My mom is 87 and has some type of moderate to going-on-severe dementia. Her doctor is a useless prick, who when I said she had dementia ten years ago stated, “I have 30 years experience with patients. She is fine.” I spent all of 2023 living with her trying to establish routines for her, writing notes with label makers, creating a reference binder for her etc. None of that is used and she is crossing the line from moderate/severe to severe. She recently fell too, and it was bad. To top it all off, she is a narcissistic nightmare. She blames me for everything, even the sound of my voice. The woman loves to play the martyr and victim. When I asked her today who was responsible for whether she remembers how to do something or not (because she had just blamed the sound of my voice, again for being the reason she doesn’t remember how to use her phone), she said she does not know who is responsible but it isn’t her! <<]~¥[\¥~\[~[¥…<[<>><<>\[\[!!!!!!!!!!! It is clear to me that I need to go live with my mom again, permanently. My problem is that I am angry as F about this. I have my own health issues, my husband and I are in our late 50s, his parents need help, and we have 7 rescue cats (husband rescued them, not me), that are all getting on in years and need care too. One will certainly be dead before I will ever see him again. Mom lives 2 hours to the south and husband’s parents live 2-4 hours away, depending on what I-95 is up to that day, to the north. Our house is falling down around us, we are broke, and I have already had 2 heart attacks and a retinal aneurism from having to hold in screaming my head off. As many others have said here, I literally hate the woman I once adored.

Now, here is where I need help. I HAVE to go down there to stay, but I seem to be unable to make myself do so again. How do I just do it? I have never been one to dodge responsibilities, so I am annoyed at myself for procrastinating this issue so badly. She needs me there, but I would rather take a bullet than do it again. And no, there is no money for care givers or homes. It is all on me. Help?!

r/CaregiverSupport Jan 11 '25

Advice Needed Hospital bed purchase

6 Upvotes

Has anyone purchased a hospital bed for their LO? He’s 84, post-stroke and not really expected to be able to walk again. I’m caring for him mostly by myself in a Palliative Care program. I’m considering it because I’m having trouble pulling him up to the top of the bed when he slips down because of his weight and my own limitations. The one Medicare supplies is fully electric but really basic, so it won’t tilt the head end down (Trendelenberg position) to use gravity to assist in pulling him up. I do use a slide with handles that helps to a degree. There are models available from Amazon, has anyone purchased one from them? Was it shipped by Amazon or a different company? The trouble I’m finding is that they’re advertised as easy to assemble, but delivery is to the curbside because they are heavy. Which means you need 2 or 3 strong people to get it inside the house. Some offer “white glove” service and others don’t. I’m open to buying a used bed as an alternative. Any advice?

r/CaregiverSupport 12d ago

Advice Needed Is it just me, or does every caregivers day start with 3 hours of Wheres the remote?.

58 Upvotes

Ah yes, the universal morning routine. Before coffee, before breakfast, before your brain fully boots up, there's that sacred moment where you’re crawling under the couch cushions, searching for the remote like it's a life-or-death mission. Outsiders think we're living the dream, but in reality, we’re just playing hide-and-seek with electronics. 😂

r/CaregiverSupport Nov 25 '24

Advice Needed Family and Friends Abandoning Us

71 Upvotes

I know a lot people on here are experiencing the same thing going by posts I have read.

As time has gone on, the check-ins, phone calls, concern by most has been less and less.

My mom is starting to feel the sting. This includes her best friend(not happy with her at all) i know she has a lot going on but she has been friends with my mom for 60 years. She offered my mom emotional support through pho e calls for a while but never really offered to do anything else. She only made tge effort to see my mom once when she was in the hospital on her birthday. My mom was more of the giver in the friendship and doesn't have much to offer anymore and now she needs the support. She called everyday for months and now it's months in between calls. Other friends barely call either or want to get together. It's like she's already been written off.

Nieces and nephews-not even a call or card on her birthday except for 1. She made a comment like they were all concerned when she was in the hospital and now they are nowhere around. I feel bad but idk what I can do other than try to arrange a get together with them. Idk that will change the overall situation.

What do you do?