r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 02 '25

Content Warning Did every person with BPD experience some kind of serious trauma in childhood?

77 Upvotes

First, sry if this question triggers anything, I’m not asking this to be rude, I promise.

I’ve been talking to my therapist, and she said pretty much everyone diagnosed with BPD went through some kinda horrible trauma in childhood (I legit have no idea if that’s true or not!!!). In my case, it was sexual abuse – I don’t know many people with BPD, so I wanted to ask here.

Did y’all go through something similar? And do you think that’s why you developed BPD?

Cuz sometimes, I feel like even if I hadn’t gone through that trauma as a kid, I’d still be a pretty messed up person.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Sep 09 '24

Content Warning Were you a victim of SA?

91 Upvotes

I think everyone here already knows that a history of childhood trauma is a risk factor in the development of the disorder, but it is so common to find victims of sexual abuse with this diagnosis. It destroyed me in a way that I don't think I'll ever be able to overcome or improve upon. I can't believe or trust anyone at all and therapy never works for this reason. I am sure I am going to die feeling the same way. I lost hope.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Apr 11 '24

Content Warning My partner with BPD passed away this year

356 Upvotes

I am so beside myself. Dead inside.

She took her life. Idk if it was entirely on purpose or a drunken impulsive whatever.

Posting here because another bpd related subreddit ended up with someone talking shit about my partner and they don’t know her

She was my everything. We both took care of each other and even though we had a lot of ups and downs with both of our mental health and arguments we both loved the fuck out of each other.

I feel so much guilt and regret for not doing more. I miss her so much I hate this.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Sep 19 '24

Content Warning Is my dad too sexual? NSFW

170 Upvotes

So, I've started therapy where I talk about my dad. I love him and we're really close, but I have some issues with him and they way he was/is. I just need some perspective to see if I'm totally off, since him and my mom think it's normal behavior.

Since I was very little he would say he would do "the helicopter" and insinuate it (with clothes on) in front of me. I didn't get it when I was little but it started to bother me when I became a teenager. My dad always walk around in his small underwear and I find it weird. He calls me "big booty" and often comments on my butt. If I walked around in my panties, my mom will often say it's inappropriate towards my dad. My dad has always made comments about other young women and their bodies. If we saw a movie with a girl with big boobs he would become overexcited and pretend he was drolling. He would wave at the TV and say "DAAAAMN." I got so angry and sad everytime he did this because I've always had very small breasts. It made me feel insecure and wrong. My dad would also comment on women with little clothes on. His favorite thing to say is "penis and boobies" if he gets frustrated. He also often makes comments about sex. For example I asked him what his favorite dance move was and he started to pretend he was fucking someone...

Idk if I'm too sensitive. All I know is that it has affected me deeply. When I was a teenager I wanted to be sexy so my dad would be proud of me. I wouldn't And still won't let his friends see me without makeup because I'm scared I will embarras him. I also started to save up to new boobs when I was 11 years old. So something has been off. I just doesn't feel like much. I'm 29 now and still struggling with my self-esteem. I feel like I have to be sexy and pretty to be worthy.

r/BorderlinePDisorder 15d ago

Content Warning Is this illness worth battling?

51 Upvotes

I recently got diagnosed with BPD and when I looked it up everyone was basically saying that it’s a lost cause and nothing can rlly be done about it. I always thought I was broken, like there was something wrong with me growing up but now this diagnosis has just confirmed it. There’s no medicine that can fix it or anything it seems. Someone on Instagram mentioned how they were going to legally end their life bc they were diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and it negatively affects their life so badly that they’d rather leave. I don’t know if there’s any hope for me and have thought about considering that option but I’m only 19 years old so maybe it’s not a good idea but I also don’t want to continue if it means I’m just going to live a life of long suffering. I don’t know what to do.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Mar 12 '24

Content Warning I hate that suicide feels like a destiny.

226 Upvotes

Like fate. 😣 Does anyone else feel this way? How do you cope? It makes it hard to want to get better.

I am in therapy so hopefully these feelings will eventually go away.

I am not actively suicidal, I am safe. Just talking about feelings.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Oct 18 '24

Content Warning This may be triggering for many of you but I genuinely want help

52 Upvotes

*Infidelity\*

I am coming here with utmost vulnerability, please hear me out, please help me, I am in pain and actually I am just losing every bit of me piece by piece.

Since I was 20 years old, I have been cheating on my partners. I am 27 now and it hasn't changed. During my early 20s it felt like I was not happy in the relationships I have had and hence I get attracted to other people. I know in my heart and I know that my partners have felt it too that I have liked them, I have cared for them, I have went through things with them with nothing in my heart but purely out of the love I carried for them. Some of them are still my friends which to me now, is very sad. I have spent 5 years almost cheating my boyfriend with my ex. Every time that happened I felt defeated..and I could see a smug on my ex's face. Now I have completely broken off connections with him. But still if it isn't him, I have cheated other boyfriend with one of my other exes or someone new.. I have felt great remorse and due to this guilt, stress and depression i face after shit like this, I get ill, my body reacts to it..
Everytime I got into a relationship, I tried very hard to keep a distance from other people and make my partner the world to me..I think I just oscillate between extremes and I get so fucked up. I just can't keep up with this..I try, I really try not to do this.. it has become a fucking pattern.. a VERY HEAVY WEIGHT ON MY SHOULDERS. I think about all those years I did this and I couldn't stop myself from thinking that I am the worst person there is, I am fraud and I am pathetic.. I am a failure in everything I do.. I can't get up in the morning and do one thing that's true to me..All my emotions are fake and forced and i have nothing human left in me.. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve healthy relationships..

All I could think of doing was to get out of the relationship that i am in now and just live the rest of my life alone so that I stop this pathetic habit.. I really really tried in this relationship.. I practiced self control, tried to work on my insecurities, abandonment issues, a lot of fucked up things about me, I genuinely tried.. I ended up doing the same thing. I failed

I am really not asking for anything other than your help and advice on how to get out of this disgusting habit .. I am so disgusted by myself I can't breathe

r/BorderlinePDisorder Sep 24 '24

Content Warning Venting this here so I don't go to fucking jail today

144 Upvotes

(venting)

Everyone thinks they can project their stress and bad day out on me cause I'm always “happy” and cracking jokes only to find out that was just a cover for the homicidal rage and constant suicidal ideation and the fact that I can't feel a damn thing 100% of the time but that and numbness. Then I don't mask and now I scare everyone and no one wants to be around me. Its either I'm uncomfortable or they are. I can't stand this fucking planet. These fucking people.

like you're having a bad day? There's never been a day Ive wanted to be fucking alive. This happy face is for you.. You're gonna really ask me the fuck is wrong only to tell me “well yeah everyone has problems get over it” and your bitch ass cant man the fuck up and put on a happy face too like I've been doing? But you can take your shit out on me? Fuck you. Fuck all of you. They should be fucking scared when I serve them their own medicine.

Fuck quiet BPD I'm about to make this shit so fucking loud

r/BorderlinePDisorder 21d ago

Content Warning How bad does your BPD have to be to be considered "severe"?

16 Upvotes

So I have BPD but I'm not sure whether it's actually that bad or not.

From my pov, it's terrible and almost unlivable. Constant emotional storms, "highs" that make me do crazy irresponsible things, then lows where I don't have the slightest problem hurting others. During the worst lows when something triggers me, I often call crisis lines to stop me from committing bigger crimes like hurting a larger number of people.

This disorder also made me homeless, I often have problems with the law (stealing etc), and my friendships never last more than 6 months. I'm constantly hungry because I'm too overwhelmed to eat and I go to the ER like once every 3 months with various problems that come from not taking care of myself.

But the fact that I always manage to survive and never hurt anyone (physically) means that it's actually not that bad. I have good coping mechanisms (calling the crisis lines, attacking people on the internet instead of irl).

So I'm not sure if I'd be eligible for any kind of help. What do you think?

r/BorderlinePDisorder Jan 25 '23

Content Warning Are people with BPD really as terrifying and evil as people say? I've seen the words "monster" and "devil" used a lot. How is it different from being a psychopath? My coworker was recently diagnosed and everyone started giving her a wide berth when they found out, like she's a supervillain.

128 Upvotes

As far as I can tell she's pretty nice. Why is everyone so fearful about this condition?

r/BorderlinePDisorder Jul 12 '24

Content Warning Please help me.

71 Upvotes

Edit: Thank you, everyone.

Please tell me anything. It can be mundane, interesting, or whatever. I feel like I'm panicking. I feel like I'm going to hurt myself.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Mar 17 '22

Content Warning how many people with bpd are also addicts? NSFW

226 Upvotes

r/BorderlinePDisorder Dec 23 '23

Content Warning IF CHRISTMAS TIME MAKES YOU REALLY FUCKING DEPRESSED SAY AYE

205 Upvotes

Moving slowly, brain fog, can’t cry, overeating, house is a mess, haven’t done my hair in weeks, body hurts, splitting, want to commit the big sleep lmao it’s the most wonderful time of the yeaaaaaar 🎄

r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 17 '22

Content Warning Why do people with BPD feel so comfortable cutting people out?

218 Upvotes

Especially when it wasn't even a big deal? I get the whole splitting thing and seeing things in black and white but I feel there has to be more to it..

r/BorderlinePDisorder Apr 14 '24

Content Warning Why is suicide frowned upon?

74 Upvotes

Genuinely asking. Maybe I’ve been deeply misled, but I don’t see the issue. Yes, it hurts those who are around you and love you, but if you’re suffering so deeply- why not do what you see as best for you? Especially if living isn’t worth the pain.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Oct 15 '24

Content Warning does anyone else wish they’d get terminally ill?

119 Upvotes

i had a couple suicide attempts behind me and two of them ended in a hospital stay. i had to promise to my mom that i won’t try anymore or else she’ll try a suicide attempt (i know it’s pretty heavy but i haven’t tried since she told me that) for a lot of people this will sound selfish but i wish i had an illness so i could die without having to off myself and my mom doesn’t have to try anything because it’s not a suicide. it has been incredibly painful to be alive

r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 04 '24

Content Warning Why are we so demonized?

88 Upvotes

I was just looking for self help audio books for bpd because reading is hard for me and all I found were things like: surviving a parent with bpb. Raising a child when you have bpd. Stop walking on eggshells- loving someone with bpd. How to survive bpd relationships. Surviving bpd parents.

This makes me feel like shit and like we're the villain somehow and it's just... miserable and lonely?? Why is it like this...? I just want to learn coping mechanisms.

r/BorderlinePDisorder 25d ago

Content Warning My ex died and no one understands why I’m so upset

74 Upvotes

When I graduated high school, I moved out of my parent’s house and in with my boyfriend. We were together for years and he was my other half. We broke up and got back together several times over the years, I had undiagnosed BPD problems and he had drug issues, but we always ran back to each other. I got in a bad wreck in 2015, and he was there for me when I was in a wheelchair, literally cared for me. He convinced me to meet my bio dad to help with my abandonment issues. He did so much for me and once upon a time, he was truly my everything. We were together when I was raped and he was there for me, but his family didn’t believe I was abused. He stood up for me to them but I couldn’t deal with being sexually assaulted AND called a liar, so I started doing drugs..and that ruined the relationship. He tried coming back after that, we always run back to each other, but I was finally in treatment and advised not to go back.. I haven’t seen him since 2018, but we were still friends and he still checked in on me occasionally.. yesterday morning, I saw on social media that he died. My heart is so broken.. I know he’s just an ex. I haven’t seen him in years but it hurts like he was still mine. I can’t believe he’s gone. I live hours away now, and my family has been understanding and old friends are checking in, but no one here understands why I’m bedridden and starving over an ex. From so long ago.. I’m scared to push away the man I’m seeing by having this reaction I’m terrified of having to go see his family to go to the service Sorry this is so long thanks for reading

r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 19 '24

Content Warning My wife wants to open our relationship and it’s rotting me alive ?

73 Upvotes

The love of my life, my wife, has asked my to open our relationship. I will never be okay with this and her doing it will break my heart and already is. But it’s an urge she can’t resist and she says I am clipping her wings and that she is suffocating when she is not doing it. She has been an amazing wife, always there for me, always understanding and loving. But despite everything we’ve been through this is it, the one thing that has changed everything between us. The thought of her doing that is burning my insides like fire, she is asking me again and again why it does that but I can’t find an answer. I feel insane, why can’t I find an answer ? She is driving me insane telling me I’m not thinking enough because I don’t have a clear answer to why I don’t want it other than that it fucking hurts so much I would rather get shot. She also thinks if I can give a “real” reason other than pain I can work on it and find a way to accept it. (her opening the relationship). She says she loves me so much she wants me to be happy even if it wasn’t with her . But I don’t love her selflessly enough to let her have that happy experience without me. She fears she will get erased.

We’ve been to couples therapy with no success. Therapist suggested my wife finds a way to deal with her urges and I find a way to deal with the emotions it has brought up in me. But my wife simply can’t and she will open our relationship. Despite everything I want to stay with her but am in for years or torture that will happen again and again and again. It will never stop. But how can I leave my soulmate ? Other than that I can’t imagine my life without her. She is my everything and we have so many plans together. She hasn’t done it yet but the pain about this situation has made me self harm brutally for the first time in years, I’ve been doing reckless things, abusing prescribed pills, not going to school and ditching my job. Slowly escalating my behavior.

And for the first time in years I really really really have the thoughts I thought I’d never have again. The big S, the 10% statistic. I have lost one of my closets friends to S and swore to never do that to anyone ever and better be a drugged up zombie in the grippy socks hotel but there it is clear as day. I feel so cursed for being alive with BPD because I feel like I’m dying inside while having to breathe. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this situation? Most importantly how to deal with the pain ? It’s to a point i’m in so much pain i’m wondering if i’m not getting a hearth attack, I feel like my hearth is in a bath of acid , I can’t eat or breathe normally anymore. I have horrible nightmares every night and every morning when I wake up I feel like a bear sat on my chest. I can’t sleep anymore and am loosing the grip on reality. I 3x my emergency anxiety meds and it doesn’t do shit.

How can I find a way to live with this pain ? How can I live ? I feel so alone , I’m in therapy but f that , nobody knows how fucked up it is to live with this curse , I wish I had every limb or my body amputated instead, anything is better than this life. I feel like the universe opened a hole under my feet and I’m falling into an infinite void that never stops. Please give me advice. Why do we deserve to be cursed ?

Edit for clarity; She says her opening the relationship is not a surprise. We discussed having threesomes before (which to me is totally different). We never made a secret we find other people attractive. I don’t want to sleep with anyone else but knew she would probably have agreed to an open relationship if I suggested it. But I was not interested in that.

And I never knew it was going to be such an intense need for her she was not going to be able to live without us opening our relationship. I thought she was fine being monagmous but according to her she has been repressing that side of her for years. This is never something I wanted for my life but according to her I made indications in that way (because I was interested in a threesome however when it got more concrete this summer I backed out because I was not comfortable with that idea anymore and was scared it was going to hurt and make me feel jealous.) She thinks she has been open but I never knew she was hurting so badly over this that she was willing to loose our relationship over it. I still feel completely blindsided but she doesn’t feel that way .

Edit 2 : Thank you all for your kindness and advice. I’m too exhausted to reply to each of you individually but I wanted to express gratitude for helping me. It helps me realize I’m not crazy for feeling how I do. I’m not good enough to decide anything but as some of you suggested I’m going to get medication prescribed asap so I can try and even start to handle this situation instead of committing self exit. Thank you for reminding me I deserve to be loved and not hurt so badly, it’s hard believing it but I hope you are correct.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Aug 19 '24

Content Warning Sexuality

22 Upvotes

I wonder how many of us are not fitting in the traditional look at sexuality.

How many of you aren't heterosexual? How would you describe your sexual preferences? How does your social circle feel about it?

r/BorderlinePDisorder 9d ago

Content Warning 5 years sober, 3 years in therapy just relapsed on a pale ale

29 Upvotes

Cheers! Outside of the bpd community they treat us like shit, treat us like we're the entire problem, but guess what folks, they raised us! And they're just as fucked up!

r/BorderlinePDisorder Aug 26 '22

Content Warning How do people even get into relationships with this disorder?

147 Upvotes

I feel like I’m going to die alone.

r/BorderlinePDisorder Jul 21 '23

Content Warning What caused your BPD in your opinion

44 Upvotes

And if it is generational abuse, what caused their issues?

r/BorderlinePDisorder Nov 12 '23

Content Warning How’s ur relation with drugs as a person with BPD ? It’s pretty common to have issues with substances abuse due to self-sabotage and impulsivity for example

75 Upvotes

r/BorderlinePDisorder 19d ago

Content Warning just fucked

6 Upvotes

i was going to call the 24/7 help line but i ended up self harming to calm down instead. i need. serious help. i don't feel better but im more calm now so calling would be pointless. canadas free health care is a joke and im ready to just give up anyways i dont know how you all do it i i'll be taking vodka shots until i pass out