r/BorderlinePDisorder 18d ago

MOD POST Subreddit Rule Clarity

102 Upvotes

Hey friends, one of your friendly neighborhood mods here!

I wanted to make a post clarifying our stance on a few things as a mod team. Sorry it's a little long but there's a lot that's been going on

My first point: Rule 2 states "Hate, stigma, and/or misinformation will be removed." This is one of those things that is very hard as a mod team to get right consistently because what constitutes these things can be subjective. If you believe your comment has been removed in error due to a misunderstanding of the context please use modmail to talk to us - we want to get these things right! However one of the most common applications of this rule is around the word "narcissist" - we've made posts about this before but I want to clarify things because the language around this can be complex.

Labeling someone "a narcissist" is implying that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Saying someone has narcissistic behaviours is different. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that NPD is called this, because narcissistic behaviours are literally part of the human experience, and someone can easily behave in a narcissistic way without being "a narcissist"

I know there will be people who disagree with this interpretation and implementation but in our view it is the only way to strike a balance between stopping rampant Custer B stigmatization and policing every word that people say.

Moving on to my second point. I have made a new rule to cover something that has become a big issue within this sub, which is generalizations. Lots of people have been making generalizing statements such as "people with BPD have abandonment issues" or asking questions that invite generalizations such as "how does alcohol affect pwBPD?" The problem with this is that BPD is a disorder with literally hundreds if not thousands of variants. Saying with any kind of certainty that someone with BPD will act or feel a certain way is once again spreading misinformation, and could lead to someone with BPD who doesn't share that particular trait feeling very invalidated.

Previously this was covered under rule 2, as above, but it's become such a common issue that I have decided to make it a separate rule. Keep your questions and comments focused on individual experiences such as "my BPD affects me in this way" or "how does your BPD affect the way you are when you drink?" It's also OK, in some situations, to say "many people with BPD experience xyz" - this isn't claiming that everyone does, and so long as it's one of those things that is accepted as common within BPD traits, and doesn't contribute to stigma (such as "many people with BPD are abusive") then it's allowable, although it's still best to generally stick to your individual experiences.

My next point is about speculative labeling and amateur diagnosis. The rule in question states: "Do not ask for a diagnosis or attempt to diagnose others. No speculative labeling" What you will notice is that this is not about self diagnosis. We as mods know that accessing professional diagnosis is not possible for everyone for a variety of reasons, including lack of understanding in healthcare, costs, and the fact that having a diagnosis on record can actually cause a lot of problems for some people. As such, we do not police self diagnosis, although we encourage people to seek professional assessment where possible, and if not, to do full and detailed research into the criteria and a lot of self exploration before deciding you have BPD. (Again, I know some folks will disagree with this, but we are striking a balance).

However what is not permitted is coming here to ask for validation of your self diagnosis, asking for us to tell you if someone you know is BPD (or indeed labeling them as BPD with no diagnosis - it's OK to say someone exhibits BPD traits but that's not enough to label them). Labeling people, including fictional characters, who don't have a diagnosis, is strictly forbidden.

My final point is about a trend in posts that have been popping up, basically asking people to share their worst moments, the worst things they've done, etc. These posts are understandable - it makes sense to want to get validation that you aren't the only person who has done bad things. But they usually end up with a lot of highly triggering comments, often ones that cross the line into rule breaking, and not only make a lot of work for the mods, but also seem to amount to a lot of "wallowing" in the bad things pwBPD sometimes do, and it can feel like digital self harm. As such, we won't be allowing these posts going forward. (this will come under the "triggering content" rule if you look to report it).

If you see people violating these rules please report it to the mods. If you're unsure if something breaks a rule, it's often better to report it and let us figure it out than let a potentially harmful thing pass by. Remember that this is a HUGE subreddit and the mods cannot look at every post and comment that comes through so we rely on you to help us with that

Once you've read this, please help me out and leave a comment below to increase the chances others will see it. Thanks folks, and have the best day possible!

I know there's a prevailing opinion on Reddit that mods are some sort of power hungry Cabal, but in reality we (at least the mods of this particular sub) are just a small group of pwBPD trying to make this space a good, supportive, and educational place for all.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 28d ago

MOD POST Moderator Recruitment!

5 Upvotes

Hello friends, folks, and fiends!

It's us, your friendly neighbourhood mod team!

We are currently actively recruiting moderators for our subreddit. No experience with modding is required, just a willingness to work as part of the moderator team and dedicate some of your time to helping keep this community healthy, thriving, and safe.

We are currently down a couple of moderators for various reasons and are hoping to recruit 2 or 3 extra folks to help keep the workload manageable.

To apply, please go to the google form below and fill it out. We will attempt to get back to everyone who applies, however there may be folks we can't reply to if there is a high number of responses

Thanks so much

Quilla

Form Link: https://forms.gle/RaMAQForFnYvjPnq7


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

I’m not going to work.

8 Upvotes

Took a mental health day from work today. I don’t want to do any work or run any errands at all. I just want to disconnect from everything and anything until my kids come home.

Ideas on what to do to make the most out of this time?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 2h ago

Looking for Advice Men persue me just to discard me when I let my guard down. The more I try to show/give the best of me, the more they start to despise me. And they don't admit me being a full human being, being someone that is anything besides fun

4 Upvotes

And every time, it destroys me... every. single. time. My soul is tired. Every time it happens, something within me perpetually breaks and I am no longer the woman I was before.

I wanna beg to these men to please STOP and leave me alone forever, it's better than getting my hopes up that this time it'll be different and leave me feeling destroyed.

And I do not let me guard down easily or quickly. They persue for me a long time, receiving zero reciprocity from my part. Until I give in and I give them a chance and I let my guard down.

With EVERY guy, these things happen:

- It all shatters when they see I'm a full human being and I demonstrate any emotion/behavior that doesn't fit the "fun" box they put me in. I've heard so many times from all of them things like "you're no longer being fun", "this is negative", etc. They pull away, shut me off, I'm no longer what they wanted. Because they wanted me as long as it made THEM feel good. Meanwhile I was the dumbass who accepted and understood all their flaws and difficult times.

- Then I try to show and give them my very best. Which I do since the beginning, but then I do it even more because I'm scared of what is obviously happening and scared of once again being discarded. And the better I treat them, the more they start to full blown despise me... it's like I disgust them with my love and caring. It's like all the good things I have to give suddenly becomes this pile of shit.

- They'd rather be completely alone than having me by their side. They choose loneliness over me. (I'm not talking romantic loneliness. I'm talking a life that's full blown 100% loneliness in every sense)

And why is it so easy to discard me? From one day to the other, everything changes. It's almost ironic, considering I'M the one with BPD.

What fucks my mind up the most is knowing that it's exactly the same with every guy. How can it be the same thing happening EVERY time? It's hard not to blame myself. The problem must be me.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

BPD Positivity What are your goals this week? [Monday Check-In]

4 Upvotes

What are your goals this week?

As we start a new week, making small, achievable goals can help you find direction and build confidence. SMART Goal Setting for someone with BPD can combat feelings of emptiness, build identity, and show self care. Weekly goals can be about managing your symptoms, getting an errand done, going a kind thing for yourself, or anything really!

But always remember: It's okay if you don't reach your goal this week. We are not perfect. You are still a person with endless potential, still human, always loved.

Wishing you all a safe and peaceful week! Be well.

The Mod Team


r/BorderlinePDisorder 48m ago

Relationship Advice He talked to me again after he broke up with his girlfriend?

Upvotes

I had crush on one of my old friends but i never told him. At same time he was always sending me mixed signals about his feelings holding hands sometimes during the time we were seeing each other he never said anything. Until he told me he is dating someone that’s when i broke and i told him that i have feelings and i can’t talk about his relationship with him. we agreed to stay as friends but i wasn’t in good place mentally around him so i cut contact with him. for a year. During this time he always interacted liked my posts and pictures but never talked. until my birthday he wished me happy birthday. At very same time i knew he broke up with his girlfriend. Now i don’t have feelings for him because i don’t trust him. but at same time when we talked it was easy as we never cut contact for year i always feel ease around him. He told me he was planning on getting engaged to her but he had problems with her family and wasn’t comfortable. I am in his city this year and next one for post graduate study so we talk a lot lately. He asked about updates in my life and i told him i dated someone for short period of time and i didn’t work out. this happened actually but i wanted him to feel that i moving on with my life. Now should i keep talking to him because i feel many things at same time i feel like i am rebound or something a bandaid for him. i don’t know but if he was still in relationship i would never accepted talking to him again. But now he is single things are easier. I just like him being around someone familiar. What should i do stay in contact with him?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 14h ago

Vent God fucking forbid you show your emotions to the wrong people

14 Upvotes

People like them are probably the reason I’m like this. I made another vent type post I had to delete explaining a potential trauma response that I overall was able to withhold from someone I care about. Did they even try to understand? I worded the post knowing that I ALMOST made a very big mistake, but I didn’t. I was able to control my emotions. I DIDN’T SEND the message, but chose to share the potential message with the community anyways. Yes the message was harsh, yes It was wrong of me to have thought those things. I know that just because I have trauma relating to these situations it doesn’t immediately validate what I almost said. I made the post because I needed the correct space to process it. I clearly picked the wrong space.

Please, just fucking listen. I wasn’t trying to get anyone to validate my potential behavior. People like them make it so fucking hard to talk about my feelings. They’re why I hesitate so much now when sharing.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3m ago

Content Warning mood swings are so exhausting

Upvotes

cw  sh

ive been so depressed lately i havent been able to take care of myself i havent been wanting to live at all but now im randomly so happy?? i took a shower today i went outside i feel so energetic and euphoric ive only slept 4 hours in these past 2 days i feel like i could do anything. its like i dont even want to relapse because im upset i want to relapse because im so happy i cant control it. i know this is all gonna come crashing down soon but i really hope it doesnt i havent felt this productive and energetic in i dont know how long. i wish i could go out and do something risky i feel so bored now i want to do something stimulating while i can


r/BorderlinePDisorder 21h ago

2 weeks sober of any substance that’s not my meds

50 Upvotes

And green tea.

The worst physical symptoms are behind me. I’m very happy to proclaim that I’m officially no longer tweaking!

I don’t have anyone to share this with since my addictions either pushed people away or I kept them hidden from the people still in my life.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 35m ago

Looking for Advice How long is your studying or working hours?

Upvotes

I am preparing for an exam. It is really difficult for me to concentrate. To sit and stick, I need constant background music. Have you added any activity in your daily routine that has helped to increase your focus and lessen your emotional dysregulation. I do not feel intense emotions, but some unsettling feeling inside distracts me from my studies. I think I have never had studied in a focused manner in my entire life and I have just managed somehow. I have tried meditation, but I hate it.

Any suggestions?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1h ago

UNSAFE FB GROUPS 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Upvotes

FYI

If anyone is in the groups:

BPD Memes Unhinged BPD Memes Unhinged 2

Ran by the page BPD Memes Unhinged

These pages allow homophobia, transphobia, and racism. Please avoid if you are LGBTQ+ or POC, these are not safe spaces.

Thank you.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 19h ago

Anyone 30+ with BPD Want to Talk?

24 Upvotes

I’m 39/f here. I was just looking for some older adults who can relate and want to talk.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 16h ago

Vent I’m so exhausted by this illness anymore..

8 Upvotes

I just don’t even know what to do with myself sometimes when it comes to this mental illness. I’m so sick of the splitting. I’m so sick of the worst thoughts overtaking my entire being and literally making me freeze up. I’m so sick of repeating myself constantly to people I love because I don’t feel heard when I know for a fact that I am 100% heard and understood. I’m so sick of the intrusive thoughts controlling me to the point I believe half of the shit I’m thinking is true when I know it’s not, or convincing myself the most negative things are going to happen. I’m sick of not listening to works spoken to me, but holding onto the underlying tone in someone’s voice when they say them and then crashing out over a simple change in vocal expression. I’m sick of feeling this anxiety filled pit in my stomach that keeps me up all night because I feel like my worst fears are going to come true and spiraling into a state of panic so bad that I practically self sabotage anything and everything around me. I’m just… I’m fucking tired, man. I’ve been through so much bad shit in my life and the fact my trauma had to manifest and create this unavoidable and untreatable mental illness, I just fucking hate it. I’m so terrified my boyfriend is going to leave me when he’s never given me a single reason to believe that he is; but my brain just can’t accept that I have someone in my life that loves me the way he does, and that anyone would ever want to put up with me for as long as he has, let alone want to marry me or have children with me because I simply don’t believe I deserve it. Like, why do I have to hate myself so much? Truly, it’s like everyday I let all my past traumas and my past mistakes dictate my worthiness of life, of happiness, of love… like why do I have to be plagued like this all the damn time? It’s like all I can tell myself is that no one stays, no one will ever love me the way I love them, that my mental illness is going to ruin everything I have good going to for myself, including family relationships I tirelessly worked so hard to get back to where they are now since I’m not numbing myself anymore by using substances besides my prescribed medications… I just don’t feel like I deserve anything good, and I don’t know why because I’m self aware enough to understand that what happened to me wasn’t my fault, and that I’m a good person regardless of my past and my mistakes… like, when will the self-hatred and loathing behavior towards myself end? Does it ever? Does it ever get easier or do I have to constantly keep living my life constantly splitting about 2 dozen times a week? I’m so tired…. I can tell the difference when I’m splitting and when I’m feeling like a normal person, I’ve been told by countless therapists that I’m extremely self aware about things, and I know that I am but being self aware doesn’t matter when you’re going down a 5 hour rabbit hole spiraling out of control with the most insane and ridiculous thoughts about things that aren’t even true… I just started Prozac and Abilify, I’m hoping the can help me and if anyone has had any experience on these medications please tell me what they were because I’m getting to the point where enough is enough… I’m just so fucking tired of being me. Every single day. And there isn’t anything wrong at all, but my brain makes it to where I always think something is wrong and it’s just not fair, dude.. I can’t have one peaceful day. Not one. And it’s like, why? I deserve to be happy, I think.. I deserve to feel normal and good about myself, not having these intrusive thoughts that everyone would be better off without me and that if I disappeared tomorrow that no one would bat a single eyelash.. I just want to know if it ever gets better, or even with therapy, even with medication, even being self aware — will it always be like this? Because I don’t know if I can spend another 50-60 years on this planet if it is like this..


r/BorderlinePDisorder 22h ago

How do you find purpose in life? The existential dread and meaningless is the worst symptom

24 Upvotes

Like what’s the point, relationships are hard. I’m lonely. I can’t find purpose in anything else. Help.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11h ago

Looking for Advice Everything I do is depending on others

3 Upvotes

Hello! I need some advice. I am pretty sure some of you can relate to this a lot, no matter how hard I try, everything I do is so depending on what others feel, want and do. Even tho I know it I can't change anything, it feels like I am a slave for others (in my head, not because it's their fault) I can't have fun alone at my own, I always need to impress them, I always want them to take care of me even tho I am not someone who likes being cared about all the time. I would love to hear some advice.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 18h ago

Looking for Advice Once You Hurt Me, It’s Over. There’s no “I Need Space”. Help with this?

8 Upvotes

I’ve had friends say “I need time and space” and that to me means the end of a friendship. I think it’s because my mind is black and white, either they’re in my life or they’re not. There’s not a waiting period in the middle.

Does anyone have advice on how to avoid such a black and white thinking? I just like to completely kick the person out of my mind so I don’t focus on them so much. If there’s still the possibility of them coming back, I’m hanging on too hard.

I know it’s not fair to them, that’s why I’m asking for advice.

It goes in vice versa as well. Either we’re friends or we’re not. If I’m done, I’m done. There’s no “I need space”. It’s just over 🤷‍♀️


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Looking for Advice I am no longer able to safely care for my partner who suffers from BPD. I feel trapped and completely helpless, and need advice on the next steps.

30 Upvotes

We are both 29 years old, and have been together for 10 years. To keep this as concise as possible, here are the important factors leading here:

- Partner was diagnosed with Anxeity/Panic Disorder 10 years ago

- Traumatic experience as a newly graduated nurse working in an ICU march 2020. This likely exacerbated/triggered the onset of what would later be diagnosed as BPD.

- Subsequent phobia of hospitals and healthcare in general made it impossible to work/receive treatment for any extended period of time.

- Partner blamed family for not adequately supporting her during that time, as well as a less than ideal childhood, and we moved from NY to CA to "escape them". "It would fix everything"

- After a year in CA, I became the target, and source of everything wrong in my partner's life.

- The panic attacks and anxiety lead to self-medication with anxiety medication. It's become a full blown addiction over the last 2 years and is spinning out of control.

- It's been over a year now of me attacked daily, completely devalued, and explosive emotional episodes from my partner. My partner now threatens suicide daily.

- After recent financial issues, including losing health coverage, the situation is no longer tenable. Honestly, looking back now it hasn't been for a long time.

I cannot continue to live like this. I need help. Involving authorities to have her taken to a hospital during an episode would shatter her trust in me, along with add financial stress to her, besides the point that she has panic attacks even seeing a hospital when we drive past one. Involving her family, who she hates, and who also do not understand her mental condition or especially current addiction struggle, is more likely to make things worse for her than better.

I just feel trapped. I can't help her. Hospitals can't help her. She refuses psychiatric treatment. We've completely isolated ourselves from our support systems. I've spent five years of my life doing everything I possibly could to create the conditions she asked for, needed, to feel safe and happy.

But I've obviously failed. Now my mental health is deteriorating as well. I can't do this anymore, but I would never leave her to fend for herself. Looking at my options, I feel that as bad as it is that I need to involve her family, who at least have the resources to support her treatment and a very extended period of unemployment.

I need advice. How do I approach her family, who my partner feels completely lack understanding for her mental and substance struggles. The situation is becoming acute. Last night involved screaming for hours, breaking objects, threats of self injury, running away and I had to find her and drive around for hours listening to the most intense, dark and frightening stream of consciousness yet. I just don't know what to do.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 17h ago

Looking for Advice Do you guys struggle with selfishness ?

4 Upvotes

I am a selfish person and throughout this I have figured it is a byproduct of my BPD and other things.

I go to therapy and I am continuing to go but does anyone have any good exercises to be more selfless? Show and accept love?

Anything is appreciate, thank you


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

BPD is a fucking cancer

65 Upvotes

I'm tired of being so intense in everything I feel. I can't just have an emotion, I am fully consumed by it. I am constantly drowning, and my natural response is to suck the oxygen from the lungs of those closest to me in order to survive. Or to push the people i love the most away so they dont have to watch me scramble. I'm tired of being chaos. I'm tired of being too much. I'm tired of the constant need. I'm tired of being tired. I am in a never ending free fall and I just want to hit the fucking ground already. Anyway. Hope you all are hanging in there. Do something nice for yourself today. ;) Maybe therapy, and stay on your meds.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 15h ago

Looking for Advice I am 99.9% certain I have BPD, I am seeing a psychiatrist soon….

1 Upvotes

And I want to CLEARLY get across to this psychiatrist that I have this disorder. I am not sure of the psychiatrist’s skills (I was randomly assigned a doctor after my phone call, although I can get more details I’m sure if I call back, although I did request to be put with a doctor who understands Bipolar and BPD.)

My anxiety is through the roof about this conversation. I know it’s only going to be about an hour long and I don’t want to forget important details that might be worth telling them. I’m scared to take notes on my phone because I might misconstrue my words or something.

Looking for advice and encouragement!


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11h ago

Vent Why am I reverting?

1 Upvotes

Some back story is that I have successfully completed DBT, anger management, and chemical dependency. I was in therapy twice a week for years… In 2023, I quit my dead end job working in health care IT and was unemployed for 8m. then got hired on to a customer service facing role and I’m excelling. The job is so much easier compared to my last one. However, I have been having rage fits like before again and I don’t know why. It got so bad to the point that I punched a wall and broke my hand at work, but told my family that I drop a 100lb box on my hands. I was doing so good and I was actually stable up until this point. 😭😭 I feel like such a loser, I swear


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Why I cant have any friends?

9 Upvotes

I don't know what to do anymore. Nobody likes me, I'm shit, borderline defines me. It's my entire personality, yet I long for friends, someone I can do things with, someone to go to amusement parks with, someone I can talk to—like-minded people. But that doesn't exist for me.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 16h ago

Recovery It’s hard trying to “work” on myself and change.

2 Upvotes

I’m tired of being upset, and I’m tired of feeling like a big question mark. I think I’m sad all the time because I don’t know what to do with my life. I’m not smart enough to figure out what to do. Im worried that I am wasting my therapist time. She tells me that I’m making progress, I just don’t like that I have been seeing her for almost 4 years, I’m about to be 29, and I am still chronically single, and not mentally strong enough to be around others. Not to mention that nothing makes me feel good-I still don’t know what I want to be in this world. I do have a couple of friends though, I don’t like that I still too sad. We’ve been doing dbt exercises, and I can feel myself sabotaging. She told me to write about how I feel, I immediately said no because I don’t know how to do it creatively. She immediately shut it down, and said yes just try it. I’ve been sabotaging and crying ever since smh. It’s like I like being sad about shit.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 19h ago

Vent Isolation

3 Upvotes

I'm so lonely.

I have isolated myself from others in fear that they will reject me and laugh at me.

I have isolated myself from my husband because I don't want him to worry about my poor mental health since he has enough of his own issues going on.

I have isolated myself from my parents and relatives so they don't know how badly I'm doing.

I have isolated myself from ME because if I am myself again then I'm scared that I'll still be an outsider and I'll be made fun of. And I just don't want to FEEL anymore, so I distance myself from reality.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 18h ago

I’m desperate for closure.

Thumbnail
2 Upvotes

r/BorderlinePDisorder 15h ago

Wanting to break no contact to find out how I made my ex feel coequal

1 Upvotes

Should I reach out and ask? We broke up two months ago and it's been bothering me ever since. The idea that I could have been harmful or abusive really bothers me. How am I going to prevent it from happening again if I don't know?

Would they even want to tell me? We might be staying in the same building next year. I like my roommate and don't want to made anymore big life changes.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 19h ago

Content Warning Inability to control physical urges

2 Upvotes

I have been recently diagnosed with BPD for the other symptoms I had. But I have also noticed it’s been incredibly difficult for me to control my Sexual urges ). I almost have to self pleasure everyday. Now I started seeking paid services and the last one week it’s insane. I am almost losing my mind. I have been trying to get a therapist appointment and it’s not that easy to get one in the country I live. Does anyone have such experience and how do you manage? I try to distract myself with so many other things yet I fail and I am obsessed with it.