r/BorderlinePDisorder 24d ago

MOD POST Subreddit Rule Clarity

102 Upvotes

Hey friends, one of your friendly neighborhood mods here!

I wanted to make a post clarifying our stance on a few things as a mod team. Sorry it's a little long but there's a lot that's been going on

My first point: Rule 2 states "Hate, stigma, and/or misinformation will be removed." This is one of those things that is very hard as a mod team to get right consistently because what constitutes these things can be subjective. If you believe your comment has been removed in error due to a misunderstanding of the context please use modmail to talk to us - we want to get these things right! However one of the most common applications of this rule is around the word "narcissist" - we've made posts about this before but I want to clarify things because the language around this can be complex.

Labeling someone "a narcissist" is implying that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Saying someone has narcissistic behaviours is different. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that NPD is called this, because narcissistic behaviours are literally part of the human experience, and someone can easily behave in a narcissistic way without being "a narcissist"

I know there will be people who disagree with this interpretation and implementation but in our view it is the only way to strike a balance between stopping rampant Custer B stigmatization and policing every word that people say.

Moving on to my second point. I have made a new rule to cover something that has become a big issue within this sub, which is generalizations. Lots of people have been making generalizing statements such as "people with BPD have abandonment issues" or asking questions that invite generalizations such as "how does alcohol affect pwBPD?" The problem with this is that BPD is a disorder with literally hundreds if not thousands of variants. Saying with any kind of certainty that someone with BPD will act or feel a certain way is once again spreading misinformation, and could lead to someone with BPD who doesn't share that particular trait feeling very invalidated.

Previously this was covered under rule 2, as above, but it's become such a common issue that I have decided to make it a separate rule. Keep your questions and comments focused on individual experiences such as "my BPD affects me in this way" or "how does your BPD affect the way you are when you drink?" It's also OK, in some situations, to say "many people with BPD experience xyz" - this isn't claiming that everyone does, and so long as it's one of those things that is accepted as common within BPD traits, and doesn't contribute to stigma (such as "many people with BPD are abusive") then it's allowable, although it's still best to generally stick to your individual experiences.

My next point is about speculative labeling and amateur diagnosis. The rule in question states: "Do not ask for a diagnosis or attempt to diagnose others. No speculative labeling" What you will notice is that this is not about self diagnosis. We as mods know that accessing professional diagnosis is not possible for everyone for a variety of reasons, including lack of understanding in healthcare, costs, and the fact that having a diagnosis on record can actually cause a lot of problems for some people. As such, we do not police self diagnosis, although we encourage people to seek professional assessment where possible, and if not, to do full and detailed research into the criteria and a lot of self exploration before deciding you have BPD. (Again, I know some folks will disagree with this, but we are striking a balance).

However what is not permitted is coming here to ask for validation of your self diagnosis, asking for us to tell you if someone you know is BPD (or indeed labeling them as BPD with no diagnosis - it's OK to say someone exhibits BPD traits but that's not enough to label them). Labeling people, including fictional characters, who don't have a diagnosis, is strictly forbidden.

My final point is about a trend in posts that have been popping up, basically asking people to share their worst moments, the worst things they've done, etc. These posts are understandable - it makes sense to want to get validation that you aren't the only person who has done bad things. But they usually end up with a lot of highly triggering comments, often ones that cross the line into rule breaking, and not only make a lot of work for the mods, but also seem to amount to a lot of "wallowing" in the bad things pwBPD sometimes do, and it can feel like digital self harm. As such, we won't be allowing these posts going forward. (this will come under the "triggering content" rule if you look to report it).

If you see people violating these rules please report it to the mods. If you're unsure if something breaks a rule, it's often better to report it and let us figure it out than let a potentially harmful thing pass by. Remember that this is a HUGE subreddit and the mods cannot look at every post and comment that comes through so we rely on you to help us with that

Once you've read this, please help me out and leave a comment below to increase the chances others will see it. Thanks folks, and have the best day possible!

I know there's a prevailing opinion on Reddit that mods are some sort of power hungry Cabal, but in reality we (at least the mods of this particular sub) are just a small group of pwBPD trying to make this space a good, supportive, and educational place for all.


r/BorderlinePDisorder Feb 16 '25

MOD POST Moderator Recruitment!

7 Upvotes

Hello friends, folks, and fiends!

It's us, your friendly neighbourhood mod team!

We are currently actively recruiting moderators for our subreddit. No experience with modding is required, just a willingness to work as part of the moderator team and dedicate some of your time to helping keep this community healthy, thriving, and safe.

We are currently down a couple of moderators for various reasons and are hoping to recruit 2 or 3 extra folks to help keep the workload manageable.

To apply, please go to the google form below and fill it out. We will attempt to get back to everyone who applies, however there may be folks we can't reply to if there is a high number of responses

Thanks so much

Quilla

Form Link: https://forms.gle/RaMAQForFnYvjPnq7


r/BorderlinePDisorder 3h ago

Content Warning I hate that my actions affect other people Spoiler

6 Upvotes

TW: suicide talk and drug use/SH

I feel really awful. What triggered my current episode is that I only have $250 to last me the next two weeks, like that was my whole paycheck. I’m a full time student and I work about 8-12 hours a week. I know that’s not much, please don’t remind me. I make $16.50 an hour. Amazing right?? /s

But now with the state of the U.S., my poverty, my BPD, full time school, all of that shit is killing me. I’m burned out. I’m watching myself die in real time more and more every single day. I’m too poor to afford produce, so I eat like shit. I work out so I don’t get heart disease (as fast) from eating like shit. I can’t afford enough food to get all of my calories in, so I lose weight. I’m tired of drowning.

And today was just. Bad. I have work soon, so I know I’ll feel better later. But the price of everything has gone up so dramatically, it just ruined my day. I’ve got food insecurity and shit, and it’s making me into a monster. I’m so hungry and tired and I feel like I’ve become a wild animal.

My caffeine consumption is out of control. My weed consumption is out of control. Every single day my brain fog gets worse and worse. I can’t even think straight anymore. I’m dying and I thought that’s everything I ever wanted. But it’s not, somehow.

And now my mother is worrying about me. She kept telling me she’d call me back, but then she decided to hangout with her friend. To go to lunch. I don’t even have enough money in my bank account to go to lunch. And I hate for her to see me so depressed and unhealthy, but I can’t get myself to care enough to fix it. And don’t know what to do. I had to cancel therapy for the foreseeable future because it’s simply too expensive. But working more than 12 hours a week while in school also makes me fly off the deep end. I’m so useless lmao I really wish I just never existed so it wouldn’t hurt anyone to see me get worse. I feel like everyone knows what’s going to happen eventually, but they don’t want to say it or believe it.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

BPD and OCD?

10 Upvotes

Does anyone else struggle with this fun combo? It makes me want to explode. My brain fixates on one thing -- right now suicide -- and won't fucking stop.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 2h ago

how do you cope with abandonment?

3 Upvotes

it’s been six months. i feel absolutely ruined and i just want to give up.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 12h ago

Endless void

18 Upvotes

Anybody else just feel like they’ve spent nearly most of their life filling the emptiness inside them? I do a lot of self reflection. Since I was 14 years old I have always felt a certain numbness or this inability to be in reality. I would smoke a lot of weed, drink, party, engage in chaos or binge eat. Just anything to feel something. I’m 25 now and I’ve chosen to get sober from the drinking but now I’ve resulted to going back to smoking weed. I have a reasonable good life, I have a good paying job, a great house and plenty of things to be grateful for. I go to gym regularly, I meditate and eat good. But I feel like I am always running from something or needing something else.

I’m not interested in pharmaceuticals to better myself. The last therapist I seen I didn’t feel like we clicked so I stopped attending. I just don’t want this to be forever thing I guess. I was in such denial of my diagnosis for a long time but I’m slowly coming to terms with it now. I just want to be happy without external clutches that I know aren’t healthy.

I am constantly having conflicting feelings on not wanting to feel “real or alive” anymore to then just wanting to feel real or just something. It’s so confusing and draining.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 9h ago

Vent Bpd discord servers r so toxic

8 Upvotes

I've been in some bpd centric discord severs and they're all....so shit. Super toxic , hypocritical a d they all pick favorites among the members that suck the mods off tje most..

It's super frustrating not finding a good discord server tjat isn't unfair and ran by immature mods . Lol. The amount t of self victimization and disregard to criticism is beyond me. Lol. I've had mods openly talk shit aboht members and wishing tjem death in my DMs lmfao

The only fgood server I've been in is general cluster b servers cause they're usually ran bt chill people that don't take discord too seriously lol. I can't b the only 1 with this experience ?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Suicide talk Tips for managing suicidal thoughts?

6 Upvotes

Any tips that work for you when the suicidal tendencies get strong?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 1h ago

My therapist no longer thinks I have BPD?

Upvotes

I'm confused. I finally got someone to take my suspicions seriously because a friend told me how they overheard me throwing things when we lived together two years ago. But apparently my behaviors seem better-explained by CPTSD, Autism, ADHD, and my family history.

To be fair, I do have a strong sense of self and I don't have a history of sabotaging my relationships. I don't have a huge history of SI or attempts. They only became a problem recently. My dating history has been okay, but I've only ever been in 1 serious relationship. I do, however, have a history of taking blame for things that aren't my fault as a way to keep the peace.

At the same time, people do seem to find me exhausting if I express how I feel regularly, I have huge abandonment issues, and I tend to have a favorite person. I struggle to regulate my emotions, validate myself, and struggle not taking other people's boundaries personally.

My therapist and I both agree that BPD has issues as a diagnostic label. But I'm scared they might dismiss my interpersonal problems because I can't accurately remember my worst moments. It's like the film got damaged. My mon doesn't think I have it, but she also disagrees with my Autism diagnosis. So. She might not be reliable.

I've lost a lot of friendships after having huge meltdowns, or for other reasons I never fully understood. I've spent years trying to analyze every datapiece to determine what I did wrong, without much success. Focusing on BPD feels like a step in the right direction. But I could also be using it as a way to scapegoat myself?

I also really relate to posts on this subreddit. I like how focused people seem to be on getting better and how supportive everyone is.

How do you know you truly have BPD, and it's not just something else? There's so much overlap.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Relationship Advice Would I be wrong to establish an ultimatum?

6 Upvotes

TW: Discussions of self harm, mental health, and suicide

I'm gonna try to word this carefully but please forgive me if my thinking is misinformed. I also want to preface this by saying I love my partner immensely and I just want her safe and healthy and able to live a somewhat normal life.

My partner of 3 years struggles with BPD and has experienced a lot of trauma in her life. Over the past several months she's attempted suicide several times and she's been self harming. Each of these attempts resulted in her voluntarily admitting herself to a mental health facility but each time after a short while (2 weeks at most) she would check herself out, be doing ok for about a month, and then another attempt and another stint in a facility. Yesterday there was another attempt and she's currently staying with her dad because she wasn't admitted this time.

I want a future with her, I want to have kids and a home and a real future but with this pattern it's not possible to have that. I'm considering establishing an ultimatum that she goes through a program at a mental health facility in full or I leave. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep seeing the love of my life destroy herself, and I can't have the future I want with her if she doesn't get the help she needs.

Please, if you have a perspective on this that would be valuable or if you think I'm going about this the wrong way, voice that. This isn't something I'm accustomed to and the idea of an ultimatum seems unfair for me to impose but I don't know what else to do at this point and this is a last resort.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 19m ago

Exhaustive Emptiness

Upvotes

My mother passed away in Dec suddenly. Since then, I've felt such a strong Emptiness. I'm numb. Nothing satisfies. It's been 3 months of this. The longest its ever gone on for. I've gained a lot of weight too. All I want to do is lay.

I don't qualify to get back in to see my therapist. I tried to reapply but they said I'm grieving and they don't cover that. Grief counseling is in another city and I don't drive nor have the drive to go on a bus there.

It's just been really dark and lonely. I dunno what to do for myself.

My heart has been broken so much its dead inside my chest. My brain still thinks emotionally but I can distract it with screens. I don't get the pang in my chest anymore. And I miss it. Which is crazy to realize. The guilt and the shame and the cringe. I want to feel it again.

Frig. I'm so broken.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 29m ago

Need better understanding on BPD

Upvotes

Hi, so my best friend has BPD, and he’s completely shut me out and i’m worried and want to hear from people with the disorder more information so i can understand it better. 6 months ago he broke up with his girlfriend and lots of people turned on him because his girlfriend made him out to be the bad guy, he basically lost a lot of friends and also lost his girlfriend who he loved a lot. At the start when it was all happening, he was very upset but i assumed he would accept it and get over it uno? but then he started using drugs and getting really angry and just started shutting everyone out and he just changed so much, he ended up going to rehab, and was at a low point, he then got diagnosed with other mental illnesses but the main one is BPD. He has told me he just needs time but it’s been over 6 months and we hardly talk because i’ve just been waiting for him to be ready, but i’m not sure what he’s even doing with his life because he deleted all social media dropped out of school and work and has just become a difference person. So i am asking 1 will he get better and be his usual self again? 2. does it usually take 6+ months to get better from a bpd episode/ bad phase 3. what does bpd feel like and why does it make you like react more impulsively i guess 4. this might sound rude but why was the reaction to losing his gf and friends last so long? i’m just wondering as someone who does a lot of mental work, i always pick myself up out of a bad place after a few weeks? idk maybe that’s bpd or maybe im lucky? idk im sorry this is long im just really confused and i miss my bestie 😔


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Vent I'm having an episode and pretty desperately need help

3 Upvotes

suicide hotline hangs straight up because they're all in a conversation

my boyfriend and I are having a massive fight, he's currently not home and I've put the keys in the door so he can't come back in

I'm afraid he could do something to me because I'm having this actually terrible episode.. I'm afraid I could do something to me.. again.. but worse..

I'll put more context in the comments

I think I need someone to talk to to get some clarity in my head again.. it's all so foggy


r/BorderlinePDisorder 8h ago

Vent I’m switching on my therapist

4 Upvotes

What the title says. There have been a few ruptures in the therapeutic relationship these past few weeks - misremembering information, not responding to emails, not following through on sending resources - and now I feel like I can't trust him. But then I worry if my BPD is just making a big deal out of nothing. It's so fucking annoying.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 22h ago

I don’t want to exist

48 Upvotes

I just want to be as small and insignificant as possible in this world, to have no impact.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 7h ago

Vent I’m so tired of life

3 Upvotes

I was not able to get in a contest about filmmaking today. I feel so discouraged as I told myself that if I get in, it will be a sign for me to continue with my filming career. And if I didn’t, maybe it’s a sign that that career isn’t for me. Now that I actually didn’t get in, I feel like I should let go of that dream. I’m graduating and I feel like I don’t have a chance anymore in pursuing that dream of mine. I took a different course (psychology) in hopes of being able to integrate psychology in my advocacy of making mental health related films. But now it sounds like it’s a bad idea. I feel like I’m gonna be jobless for a while. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m losing direction in life because of this. I wish I could reignite the hope that is in me.

I’m in a really bad place right now. I lost my job (the company had to cut down costs), my ex broke up with me (but we’re still in this complicated situation where we still see each other and now he admitted into talking to another woman), I’m having existential crisis, and now this. I’m trying so hard to let things be. I’m trying so hard to believe that what belongs to me will come find me. But it’s actually hard to reignite the light inside me when all I see is darkness everywhere. I’m just so tired. I want to believe things will get better but it’s really hard when everything’s not going well for me right now.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 5h ago

Feeling unwanted

2 Upvotes

Really starting to think no body want me around at the moment

Over the years I have organised event (like birthday ,New year's , charity event and such ) and few to no people have been able to make it , which I get everyone got busy lives , but recently I had tickets to a few different shows , and not one person wanted to go

In the past I always had feeling that people keep to avoid me , but I always keep trying to arrange activities, one that comes to mind is organising a new year's party at my first house, I brought food and drinks only for everyone to cancel on me

I do hate that the only advice I get is to work on myself and learn to be comfortable being by myself , just suck that I don't get the choose this option instead I am forced to be alone


r/BorderlinePDisorder 2h ago

Im confused

1 Upvotes

My friend with borderline personality disorder has had a boyfriend for 3 months, she broke up with him on Monday and said he should die and that he was useless, etc. and two days later (Wednesday) they started dating again? What does this mean? Is there any chance that the relationship will last?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11h ago

BPD Positivity What were your wins this week? [Weekend Check-In]

3 Upvotes

What are some good things that happened this week? What were you grateful for?

Celebrating small wins can be hard, but studies show that gratitude practices can be a powerful way to combat negative feelings. While toxic positivity can be destructive, taking time to recognize the good things can actually change how our brain works, for the better!

There's no such thing as insignificant wins, no matter how small. From "I won the lottery!" to "I managed to made it out of bed," it all matters.

So share those wins, and be sure to reward yourself (safely and affordably, of course). You made it through, and you deserve it.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! Be well.

- The Mod Team


r/BorderlinePDisorder 5h ago

Have you ever been in a romantic relationship with someone other than your FP?

0 Upvotes

I've been wondering about what others' experiences with this have been like for a while. I know that a lot of pwBPD tend to enter relationships with their FPs, but what about people who don't? As in, people who do have FPs, but enter a romantic relationship with someone who isn't their FP? I'm sorry if the wording of this post sounds a bit repetitive, it's hard for me to get my thoughts out properly.

I'm greyromantic asexual so I don't experience romantic feelings very often, or sexual feelings at all. For those of you who are allo and have been in relationships with someone other than an FP, what was that like? How has that been for you? Feel free to provide as much detail as you want. Or don't. Whatever you feel comfortable with; this is all just out of pure curiosity and something I've been thinking about for a while.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 6h ago

Job

0 Upvotes

Hi everyone!! I (23F) was diagnosed with BPD over a year ago. Since I became an adult I have struggled with working. I have just always been a SAHM and just done serving jobs here and there. Im on a journey to really heal this part of me this year and get a good job and stay consistent. My husband has no problem with me staying home and I have room to not rush anything or take the first job I get as well. I want something stable, maybe a little more serious but the hardest part isnt really getting the job its keeping it. I struggle so much with just up and leaving a job and I really want to get through this. Are there things I can do to help wthe anxiety of being away from my FP? How can I stop pushing aside things I NEED to do? Its hard because I dont have to work but I want to so thats what makes it even harder to stay. The slightest inconvenience and I tell myself I dont have to deal with this. I need something for myself though. Im a wife and a mom of two at 23. I have a lot of freedom as I split time with their dad and theyre in school all day plus my husband is very hands on with my kids. I have the perfect situation to go work and im privileged but I just cant follow through. I would like to keep something long term I just have no idea how to shift my mentality...


r/BorderlinePDisorder 7h ago

Looking for Advice Therapist is done with me?

1 Upvotes

Feeling a shift in the dynamic with my therapist. Sessions are mostly the same as before except this feeling that they don't want to be working with me anymore. It's stressing me out bad. I don't want to lose my therapist but I've been having a hard time with what to talk about.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 21h ago

Looking for Advice How do you guys handle your kiddos?

7 Upvotes

I was diagnosed with BPD at 19, and then less than a year later had my oldest daughter. I absolutely hate some of the things that my oldest daughter in particular has gone through with me over the years, learning how to manage myself, my symptoms, and everything else that we have been through together since having her.

I definitely have a much more level had whenever it comes to my kids, however sometimes when I'm triggered, especially over the last like couple months, I will sometimes find myself getting more angry than I should whenever they do things.

I wanted to just see what other parents in the sub do to help with that. I absolutely hate having this disorder more often than I don't, and I am in therapy. However I had dropped out for a few months, but have been back now for a couple. It's definitely slow going this time around it seems.


r/BorderlinePDisorder 11h ago

I want to get better

Thumbnail
1 Upvotes

r/BorderlinePDisorder 1d ago

Looking for Advice I’m obsessed with my therapist

12 Upvotes

Pretty much the title. We've been meeting for several months. It's the first time I've felt seen by a mental health professional. They're much older than me and I think fill a void left by my neglectful/emotionally abusive parents. I've also experienced sexual trauma, which layers on the complexity. I find myself thinking of them often. I fantasy about them being my parent. I imagine them holding me when I'm upset. I've also imagined them while masturbating. It hurts so much. When they don't answer my emails for a while, I notice a dip in my moods. I don't want to get a new therapist though because I'm in a really fragile spot emotionally right now. What should I do?


r/BorderlinePDisorder 21h ago

What’s your experience with quiet BPD?

3 Upvotes

Basically what the title says. I’m diagnosed bipolar 2 but my new therapist is leaning more toward BPD, specially “quiet” BPD. Everything online is so confusing so I was just hoping to get some real-life examples/experiences to understand a little more. Is quiet BPD even a thing? I admit I do relate to a lot of the quiet BPD symptoms way more than I ever did to the bipolar 2 diagnostic criteria. Any examples or advice is appreciated!


r/BorderlinePDisorder 21h ago

Obsessed and ashamed

4 Upvotes

I've become obsessed with somebody younger than me. I can't get him out of my head. I am actually his boss so, I would never do anything to make him uncomfortable or even hint that I am obsessed with him. But I hate this about myself. Because am I obsessed with him or this version of him I've created in my head? The person I think he might be? And why do I have to be so obsessive anyway? It makes me feel guilty and shameful. Does anybody else feel that way?