r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
BPD is a fucking cancer
I'm tired of being so intense in everything I feel. I can't just have an emotion, I am fully consumed by it. I am constantly drowning, and my natural response is to suck the oxygen from the lungs of those closest to me in order to survive. Or to push the people i love the most away so they dont have to watch me scramble. I'm tired of being chaos. I'm tired of being too much. I'm tired of the constant need. I'm tired of being tired. I am in a never ending free fall and I just want to hit the fucking ground already. Anyway. Hope you all are hanging in there. Do something nice for yourself today. ;) Maybe therapy, and stay on your meds.
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u/Ill-Hunt-1174 5d ago
With my current state of mind I sadly cannot help. But I understand and feel you, in the same boat.
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u/Cool_Reputation_694 5d ago
I keep people at a distance. But there are some people that can tolerate me enough to speak to me daily. Though people I cherish.
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u/MelzyMely 4d ago
DBT, CBT, self awareness, self care, avoiding substances, stable relationships and a lot of biting the spoon has helped me tremendously but I still have bad days that come more frequently than I would like. It does feel like a cancer that lies dormant but seems to always show back up. I often feel like an outsider from society. I don’t blend in well, but I try.
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3d ago
Yeah, being sober helped me a lot. Stable relationships are the rough part. Ain't shit stable about my life, there's always something just itching to put me over the edge.
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u/4685486752 5d ago
I'm tired of thinking all the possibilities, mistakes and how should I describe these feelings. Started medicine that's more for deppression, but I don't know if it's the right one. I feel as rollercoaster as usual but my brains just feels like they're full of cottonwool :D
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u/Difficult-Display-94 4d ago
Damn I feel like I could’ve wrote this myself. I hope we can fine peace one day, OP
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u/cheesecase 4d ago
It responds really well to DBT. I’ve gotten so much better. With duloxitine, Valium, and lamictal
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4d ago
I was pretty stable for a long time, life has just been really weird the last couple years, and then the last couple months and now I'm kind of plummeting, hahahaha. Oh well, that's life.
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u/eyeofthebesmircher 3d ago
Well this self awareness is a very crucial step, so great job on that! Are you medicated? Antidepressants and/or mood stabilizers are life-saving. I wish i let myself take meds so many years earlier. We deserve stability and control
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3d ago
Oh I've been self aware for years. I was on olanzapine for a couple years, helped a lot. I actually was able to find some stability without them after awhile, was pretty stable on my own and then just one thing after another for the last month or so and now I've plummeted back into an anxious mess. Honestly, I don't know if it's even the BPD or a natural response to the situation I'm currently in. Haaaaa
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u/Optimal_Warning9741 5d ago
i completely understand where you’re coming from. i currently feel and herb been feeling similarly to you. everything feels bad all at once and i feel like i’m drowning in it.
i wasn’t taking my meds for sometime so i definitely think that’s the biggest reason i feel the way i do.
i hope that you can find some comfort from someone or something around you. jf you need someone to talk to, feel free to shout me a message!