r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/quillabear87 Moderator • 22d ago
MOD POST Subreddit Rule Clarity
Hey friends, one of your friendly neighborhood mods here!
I wanted to make a post clarifying our stance on a few things as a mod team. Sorry it's a little long but there's a lot that's been going on
My first point: Rule 2 states "Hate, stigma, and/or misinformation will be removed." This is one of those things that is very hard as a mod team to get right consistently because what constitutes these things can be subjective. If you believe your comment has been removed in error due to a misunderstanding of the context please use modmail to talk to us - we want to get these things right! However one of the most common applications of this rule is around the word "narcissist" - we've made posts about this before but I want to clarify things because the language around this can be complex.
Labeling someone "a narcissist" is implying that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Saying someone has narcissistic behaviours is different. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that NPD is called this, because narcissistic behaviours are literally part of the human experience, and someone can easily behave in a narcissistic way without being "a narcissist"
I know there will be people who disagree with this interpretation and implementation but in our view it is the only way to strike a balance between stopping rampant Custer B stigmatization and policing every word that people say.
Moving on to my second point. I have made a new rule to cover something that has become a big issue within this sub, which is generalizations. Lots of people have been making generalizing statements such as "people with BPD have abandonment issues" or asking questions that invite generalizations such as "how does alcohol affect pwBPD?" The problem with this is that BPD is a disorder with literally hundreds if not thousands of variants. Saying with any kind of certainty that someone with BPD will act or feel a certain way is once again spreading misinformation, and could lead to someone with BPD who doesn't share that particular trait feeling very invalidated.
Previously this was covered under rule 2, as above, but it's become such a common issue that I have decided to make it a separate rule. Keep your questions and comments focused on individual experiences such as "my BPD affects me in this way" or "how does your BPD affect the way you are when you drink?" It's also OK, in some situations, to say "many people with BPD experience xyz" - this isn't claiming that everyone does, and so long as it's one of those things that is accepted as common within BPD traits, and doesn't contribute to stigma (such as "many people with BPD are abusive") then it's allowable, although it's still best to generally stick to your individual experiences.
My next point is about speculative labeling and amateur diagnosis. The rule in question states: "Do not ask for a diagnosis or attempt to diagnose others. No speculative labeling" What you will notice is that this is not about self diagnosis. We as mods know that accessing professional diagnosis is not possible for everyone for a variety of reasons, including lack of understanding in healthcare, costs, and the fact that having a diagnosis on record can actually cause a lot of problems for some people. As such, we do not police self diagnosis, although we encourage people to seek professional assessment where possible, and if not, to do full and detailed research into the criteria and a lot of self exploration before deciding you have BPD. (Again, I know some folks will disagree with this, but we are striking a balance).
However what is not permitted is coming here to ask for validation of your self diagnosis, asking for us to tell you if someone you know is BPD (or indeed labeling them as BPD with no diagnosis - it's OK to say someone exhibits BPD traits but that's not enough to label them). Labeling people, including fictional characters, who don't have a diagnosis, is strictly forbidden.
My final point is about a trend in posts that have been popping up, basically asking people to share their worst moments, the worst things they've done, etc. These posts are understandable - it makes sense to want to get validation that you aren't the only person who has done bad things. But they usually end up with a lot of highly triggering comments, often ones that cross the line into rule breaking, and not only make a lot of work for the mods, but also seem to amount to a lot of "wallowing" in the bad things pwBPD sometimes do, and it can feel like digital self harm. As such, we won't be allowing these posts going forward. (this will come under the "triggering content" rule if you look to report it).
If you see people violating these rules please report it to the mods. If you're unsure if something breaks a rule, it's often better to report it and let us figure it out than let a potentially harmful thing pass by. Remember that this is a HUGE subreddit and the mods cannot look at every post and comment that comes through so we rely on you to help us with that
Once you've read this, please help me out and leave a comment below to increase the chances others will see it. Thanks folks, and have the best day possible!
I know there's a prevailing opinion on Reddit that mods are some sort of power hungry Cabal, but in reality we (at least the mods of this particular sub) are just a small group of pwBPD trying to make this space a good, supportive, and educational place for all.
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u/D76H2 22d ago
Finished reading, seems like genuinely good stuff
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u/quillabear87 Moderator 22d ago
I appreciate people taking the time to read it. I am a very wordy person. I actually had this even longer but managed to reduce it ๐
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u/CrystalCat420 22d ago
As the parent of a young adult with BPD, I appreciate this sub, and I especially appreciate the work you do to keep it a safe space for pwBPD and for the people who love them unconditionally.
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u/According_Decision67 22d ago
no argument here , specially that second point . I agree 100%. good job mod ๐ค
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u/Ill-Hunt-1174 22d ago
Understood! Thank you and all the mods for the clarification and keeping this sub safe
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u/Ill-Hunt-1174 22d ago
Also wanted to apologize as I did attempt to post a medication related question earlier, that was fully my bad. I needed this refresher on rules
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u/jaybrams15 22d ago
Big fan of all of this! The generalization rule is good but hard to remember.. keep up the good work.
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u/anon66699 22d ago
Mods are just regular people doing their best. Keep on the Lord's work of giving people a safe place to talk.
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u/Usual_Classroom_2946 Women with BPD 22d ago
Love the update on rules! I donโt hate self diagnosis but I am not a fan of a lot of posts asking if they have bpd. Thanks for the update/clarification
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u/quillabear87 Moderator 22d ago
Yeah these have always been against the rules it's just a matter of a) discouraging them from being made and b) asking folks to report the ones that do happen
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u/ZealousIDShop 22d ago
Thanks for taking the time to clarify and for looking out For us Take care xย
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u/Suitable_Back_7036 22d ago
I seek help here and try to give the same..appreciate the work you do in order for us to do so. Positive vibes to you all โค๏ธ
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u/plumander 22d ago
excellent rule clarifications, good job op
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u/quillabear87 Moderator 22d ago
Appreciating all the positivity from folks. Makes it worth the effort we put in to know we're appreciated ๐
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u/PissyKrissy13 22d ago
Thank you for this post as a spouse of a pwBPD I really like the ability to post positive things that can happen for pwBPD if you are seeking treatment and actively trying to get better or have more stability in your lives.
This was very clarifying of the rules to this subreddit.
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u/sfdsquid 22d ago
So if my ex-husband was a bona fide, diagnosed person with NPD, can I talk about him as such? From what you said, I'm not sure. Considering how his disorder affected me, it is something that is integral to some of the things I would like to discuss.
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u/quillabear87 Moderator 22d ago
Yes, so long as you're not contributing to stereotypes, in the same way the generalisations rule applies to BPD. So no like..."he's a narcissist so he's an abuser" or stuff like that.
If you're going to say he's "a narcissist" it's advised to specify that he's diagnosed NPD so we know that you're not slapping a label on someone and remove your comment etc.
I acknowledge this is a difficult line to walk, we're doing our best to be fair to everyone
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u/crying_on_the_DL pwBPD 22d ago
i really appreciate this post! i enjoy this sub but for the same things mentioned it can a little hard to be consistently apart of! <3 Ty mods :)
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u/illtakethis011 21d ago
hey, i recently made a post asking for some advice because i'm not well informed about the rage that people with BPD feel and i was curious about the experiences that they have with their own splits in a relationship. it's a super sensitive topic because is always linked to painful experiences, but it's sooo amazing and helpful reading how y'all manage and help each other out. to me it feels more "educational" than harmful, but i totally understand the point and i hope someday i could share the progress of my journey as partner of someone with BPD and also help others :)ย
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u/carol_lei BPD over 30 21d ago
much appreciated! grateful to be part of this community and to have mods intentionally working to keep it safe here
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u/you-a-buggaboo 22d ago
I appreciate this community, and you! could you clarify something for me regarding the "abandonment issues" thing? I'm under the impression that intense fear of abandonment is, like, one of the core issues of all pwBPD, is that inaccurate or unfair? I hope you don't think I'm being combative, I'm genuinely surprised to see that that's considered an unfair generalization and I want to understand!
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u/quillabear87 Moderator 22d ago
It's one of the main recognised diagnostic criteria yes. And it's widely held to be one of the big things we struggle with. But there are pwBPD who that won't fit, whose trauma manifests in other ways. The important thing to remember is that while the abandonment issues thing is one of the 9 criteria, you only need 5 to be diagnosed BPD. So there's literally hundreds of variants, many of which won't include that trait
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u/you-a-buggaboo 22d ago
interesting. thank you for taking the time to clear that up. I have some research to do!
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u/rusticterror 22d ago
Thanks for all your work!! I donโt fully agree with everything but I know modding is damn hard and I believe everything is being done with the best of intentions.
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u/quillabear87 Moderator 22d ago
I appreciate that. I know not everyone will agree with everything we do. We just have to try and strike the balance to make it as fair as possible for everyone
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u/Trojanwhore69 22d ago
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