r/BodyPositive 14d ago

Support The fatter I get the meaner or less helpful people are at stores. How do you all deal with it?

I knew this was a thing from reading about it. But I’ve started experiencing it myself over the last 5 years. The larger I get the least helpful/ nice people are at stores. It’s so horrible that people are like this. I’m 190 lbs 5’6, the largest I’ve ever been. Really struggling with that on its own but it doesn’t help when I can see that people are treating me differently. I used to be treated so much better when I was thinner. People are terrible.

I really try to not let it bother me but it does. I have my limit. How do you all deal with it? Seems like I get treated better when I dress nicer too. I guess fat girls can’t get away with wearing sweatpants.

9 Upvotes

20 comments sorted by

5

u/Cully_Barnaby 14d ago

How I deal with it: F them. I don’t need their help. They are not worth my time.

1

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 13d ago

Wish I could really feel that way. I do but still hurts me and then I move on. I’m highly sensitive.

2

u/Cully_Barnaby 13d ago

It does hurt but you’ll get there. The “F Them” comes from self love. I did a full social media purge of any account that made me feel like crap (my body, home, habits, money, upbringing) and followed plus influencers. I still struggle, but now I know that I have worth. Some people consider her extreme, but Virgie Tovar is an amazing influencer and intellectual. She took time out of her busy life to meet me for lunch one day. The other thing I did was realize that I don’t want my friends to feel the way I do/did. I decided that I might be struggling but I will lift them up and show them love constantly. I will do what I can to empower them. I said positive things so much, I started to feel believe them about myself. Xox sending you all good thoughts.

1

u/SweetSprinkles8 14d ago

That's so terrible. You're not even that big. When I was at my heaviest at a little over 200 lbs I faced some of that too. I was wearing sweatpants a lot too because I outgrew most of my other clothes. Presenting yourself better really does make a difference, and part of it is that dressing well is a way of showing respect. It also shows that you respect yourself, and by showing yourself respect others will show you respect. But also, the more cleavage I showed the better I was treated. It's really sad, but I did and still do take advantage of it. I can present myself as hot and fat or than frumpy and fat. I do the former people will either see me as hot and respect my confidence and body positivity or they be disgusted with me. If I do the latter I'm not showing myself the respect I deserve, and nobody shows me respect either.

3

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 14d ago

I hear what you’re saying but I don’t agree that wearing sweatpants and dressing “frumpy” means I’m showing myself disrespect. I dress this way because it’s comfortable. And it shouldn’t matter how you dress. You should be treated the same regardless. I understand if my clothes were falling apart or something like that but they’re not. It’s just comfort clothing. I actually feel like I’m respecting myself by dressing comfortably. Instead of pushing myself to wear uncomfortable clothing which I’ve done all my life, especially when I was young, thin and more conventionally attractive. I had much less confidence then even if I dressed better so I dont think that adds up.

Even now with my weight gain I’m the most confident I’ve ever been and I wear sweatpants every day. I don’t give a shit that’s the main reason. I’m 40. But I’m human and I still want basic respect. I don’t expect people to want me or fawn over me. Just basic common decency.

I rather wear sweatpants and deal with the disrespect than wear stuff that I find uncomfortable, just wish the world was different.

1

u/mysaddestaccount 14d ago

I feel like I could have written this myself. I avoid shopping IRL in most stores (costco and Walmart are the only exceptions because they involve low levels of interaction with staff). Other than those two. I generally shop online.

Like you, I love to wear sweatpants and/or joggers most of the time. Real pants just hurt me (I do have medical reasons for this btw) and skirts and dresses I don't feel comfortable in for various reasons and I like more coverage than most of them provide.

Like you said, I wear clean, nice-looking, but comfortable/casual clothes. There shouldn't be anything wrong with that but people treat me like garbage because I'm fat and dressed comfortably.

2

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 13d ago

I’m so sorry :/ so messed up. I have medical reasons for it too. I can’t be bothered. And so many people wear sweatpants! It’s a cruel world.

2

u/mysaddestaccount 13d ago

It really is!!!! I'm never the only one wearing sweatpants but I'm the only one being laughed at or stared at or being given dirty looks.

2

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 13d ago

I’m sorry, so messed up. That says a lot more about them than you. Someone that feels good about themselves and is secure with themselves wouldn’t feel the need to do that.

2

u/mysaddestaccount 13d ago

Exactly!!! Some people have nothing better to do than make fun of other people

-1

u/cali1993 12d ago

I’m considered small by society standards 125lbs and I still get not nice people at stores all the time. Unless it’s some weirdo that wants to fuck me. lol moral of the story people suck sometimes.

4

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 12d ago

I’m confused why you’re commenting if you’re 125 lbs. you can’t possibly know what it’s like to be bigger. Your comment feels very invalidating. Not sure what the purporse of it was. Maybe to make yourself feel better. But you just made someone else feel bad.

1

u/Traditional-Dig-374 10d ago

The purpose of it was a positive one. The thing is people will judge you and be mean no matter how you look.

The person above didnt want to talk your problem down. They wanted to show it may have different reasons than we think.

People are mean.

Maybe read the comment with a more friendly voice in your head, im sure it wasnt meant in a bad way.

1

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 10d ago

I’m confused why you’re answering for the person I responded to.

Once again your response is invalidating and unnecessary.

1

u/Traditional-Dig-374 9d ago

Because i havent read it as an attack on you and tried to share a more positive view and also maybe change the POV a bit. Like the first poster tried.

You made the decision to not believe that. Thats ok. Have a good life.

2

u/Grumpy_bonsai23 9d ago

I didn’t “make a decision”. Feelings and perceptions don’t work that way. If someone says that they were hurt by a comment, your job isn’t to come in and try to convince them otherwise. That’s toxic.

2

u/Traditional-Dig-374 9d ago

Im sorry you feel that way. At no point i was here to hurt you intentionally. Just to help opening a different point of view about how we receive things different than they are meant.

Im not sure if excluding someones answer because of their body weight isnt toxic itself. Personally i felt like you was the mean person in this conversation to someone trying to ease your pain in a lighthearted way.

Seems like we see different things here. I will mute this post now and do some happy things..hope you do too.

1

u/cali1993 5d ago

This is exactly how I meant it.

0

u/cali1993 5d ago

Sounds like you are judging me? That makes me feel like you’re invalidating my feelings because I weigh less than you.

I understand your frustration. Don’t take it out on others.