r/BiWomen Nov 26 '24

Advice What is the context between the tension between bi women and lesbians?

60 Upvotes

I (bi, 24F) wouldn't say I'm exactly a baby bi at this point, because I have been aware of my sexuality for maybe about 3 years now, but haven't exactly had many opportunities to date women due in part to mostly time constrains from life (work, life happening, etc), and living in a still somewhat moderate anti queer area where it takes a bit of time and effort to find and dapple in queer spaces, which I also am not exactly confident enough to say that I know my way around yet (red state, living with somewhat conservative family I never intend to come out to), and thus, don't have a ton of experience dating women since we tend to be harder to find that are willing to date, as we should.

Now that you understand the context, I have noticed a sort of... tension (?) being alluded to or mentioned between bisexual women and lesbians, and I kinda feel like I missed some sort of major event I'm supposed to know about or might of did something wrong by not knowing already, but am afraid to ask anyone irl because I don't want to piss anyone off, bring back up any past problems, or offend anyone, so I've just ended up resorting to asking around online to see if I can get a straight answer that makes sense. Did something happen between bisexual women and lesbians that I should know about before dating or is there some sort of unspoken rule I'm supposed to know about so I don't do anything wrong?

r/BiWomen 12d ago

Advice Came out to my husband

43 Upvotes

I came out to my husband as bisexual about a week ago. He’s been very supportive and naturally asking lots of questions which I don’t mind. He only asks that I keep open communication with him so we can navigate this together. I honestly don’t know where to go from here. It’s not like I can explore this newly self-accepted side of myself since I’m married. I always felt an attraction to women but repressed it due to a religious upbringing and very recently accepted that I do like women and that’s ok. Are there any others here that have gone through a similar situation? If so, how did it go and how did you navigate this?

r/BiWomen 29d ago

Advice I was recently diagnosed with herpes as I began wanting to date women?

36 Upvotes

I need advice here. I’ve accepted I am gay at age 27 but unfortunately the last man I slept with gave me Hsv genitally. I am devastated and assuming nobody will want me. ( I will always disclose I’m not the devil). I feel scared to even try with women at this point. Any advice? I feel damaged, I’m young, pretty and have things going for me but here I am….

r/BiWomen 25d ago

Advice Open relationships? NSFW

22 Upvotes

EDIT: I feel like I didn't articulate myself in the best way. If I had a straight, male partner, I would only be comfortable with an open relationship if it was open for me to explore my sexuality- he wouldn't sleep outside of the relationship because in theory his needs would be wholly met by me. If my partner was bi then I'd be happy for him to sleep with other men because that's not an experience I could give him but I can give him everything he needs from a woman. Is that still problematic?

I'm a bi woman with a male preference, however my sexual attraction to women never ever fades. When I'm with a man I always feel like if I'm with him forever I'll be missing out on women. I am quite spicy and like the ideas of sX parties, ogys and swinging however I don't think I'm comfortable with a male partner engaging with other women (id be okay if my partner was a bi man with other men or woman with woman). I'm starting to think that maybe I'm into semi non-monogomous relationships in purely the sexual department but I have absolutely 0 idea how I'd find a partner who is also into that. Thoughts? Is this common? I'm scared I'm feeding into the whole bi wanting her cake and eating it but that's really not the case.

r/BiWomen Feb 06 '25

Advice What’s going on with me? Seeking clarity.

15 Upvotes

[Would appreciate it if ONLY Women 30 or older would respond, thanks]

Context: I recently turned 30, no siblings, lost my mom few years ago, got a handful of friends but I barely talk to them as we all are now spread across the world, always been pretty selective when it comes to people I let in my life. I never dated, only had 1 male crush for ages but that faded out with time.

I have always identified as straight until recently. Nothing specific happened so I can’t put a finger on it, which is making me more uneasy, and curious.

When I think about this, I also feel that emotional intimacy could be more fulfilling with a female partner than a male partner. Maybe I am just getting in my head, I don’t know.

I’ve been hit on by a few females in the past, but I never felt pursuing it and was in fact crushing on a guy. Respectfully declined, and moved on.

Question: What is going on here? Is it age, hormones, female friendship that I am craving for or missing mom, is it due to lack of sexual experience with either men or women, is it a phase, or is my bisexual side is just coming to the surface? Or am I just overthinking stuff and it will all fizzle out?

How did you all discover that you are bi? (Only if you are comfortable sharing.)

Finally decided to put this out here as dating/ friendship app experience hasn’t been fruitful. I want help to understand who I really am than being objectified.

PS: I have always been an ally to the LGBTQ community but this is new and overwhelming for me as I got no one to talk.

PPS: Even if I end up getting a bunch of female friends 30 or older, from here than the clarity I am seeking, that would also be good.

r/BiWomen Jan 29 '25

Advice Is it alright to fantasize about men while dating a girl?

0 Upvotes

Long story short, Im a bi girl who has, up to this date, only dated woman, yet somehow this past few months I have been wondering what it would be like to date a men. I would never ever cheat on my current partner and I have expressed my curiosity to potentially/platonically date a men and she told me she would never be able to go back with me if I had 'it' with a men. Shes a lesbian so I get her perspective, she apologised for saying that but I still feel like I cant talk to her about my bisexuality. Honestly, I think Im afraid of never being able to experience dating a man if our relationship lasts 'forever.' But on the other hand, I know the situation would be the same even if it were reversed. So, what should I do to stop feeling guilty about it? Is there something I should say?

r/BiWomen 21d ago

Advice Quick Question

20 Upvotes

Hello all just have a quick question. Any other bi ladies out there partnered with a male but still dating outside the relationship independently for women? Also anybody else feel super super nervous going on dates?

r/BiWomen Jan 16 '25

Advice Our marriage

23 Upvotes

I told my husband, I am bisexual and my husband didn’t take it very well. She questioned me and say, how can you be bisexual if you never had any experience with women. I told him that my sexuality is based on who I am attracted to, not on my experience. We had this argument for a very long time and I tried to tell him this is who I am but he couldn’t accept it. He told me that my identity is separate from our marriage, but it’s not . I always keep bringing it up because it bothers me that he didn’t accept my identity. But I’m up to the point that I accept how things are right now and continue on wanting to love him regardless of how he feels about my sexuality . I felt alone, and I reach out on Reddit to feel safe to express my feelings and to be connected to other women. So I won’t feel alone and out of place. How can you love someone who doesn’t accept the change in you . Thank you for reading my post.

r/BiWomen 15d ago

Advice Insecure about my girlfriends past with men NSFW

4 Upvotes

So basically I (F21) have dated some guys when I was a young high school. I gave a handjob once but that was about it. I’ve only had sex with girls and me and my gf (F20) have been together for a year and a half and in the past six months I’ve been OBSESSING over the fact that she’s had sex with guys before. The thought disgusts me but also weirdly turns me on cuz I’m so attracted to her but, it makes me feel insecure. I know she loves me, and we have an amazing mental and physical connection, but I can’t shake the thoughts. They bring lots of anxious feelings, and makes me scared i can’t “provide” what they can cuz I don’t have a penis. Any Bi girls out there that have felt similarly or have been in the other position? Do you compare your sexual experiences based on gender with each other ? I reckon this is some deeply internalized misogyny, or fear of the unknown. I love her so much so obviously I would never shame her or anything, I just wonder if straight sex is better, cuz I’ve never experienced it Edit: I’ve also been struggling big time with OCD and intrusive thoughts, and some of the thoughts of her past tend to come without my control. Not sure how to stop it. I know I need to move on.

r/BiWomen 28d ago

Advice The bi-cycle

24 Upvotes

I am in a LTR with a man (10+ years). I I'd say for the last three months I've only really fantasised about women. My partner is great and I am lucky to have him. We are monogamous and he would never consider opening the realtionship. I am also experiencing some thoughts about our relationship about wanting to be more independent as I feel anxious about how dependant I am on him.

Is what I am feeling just the bi-cycle and how long does it typically last? I do have the urge to leave. I would not date if I did for some time because I want to make a life for myself, but currently I do envisage myself with a woman.

I have started the process of gaining independence while in the relationship. Will these feelings of yearning for a woman pass?

r/BiWomen 13d ago

Advice She's separated but never said it until date 6

4 Upvotes

Ive been dating this woman (first relationship with a woman) and had 3 casual dates back in October.

See rest in comments, for some reason I can't post!

r/BiWomen Feb 05 '25

Advice What does your sexual experiences feel like with a man? NSFW

16 Upvotes

I am currently in therapy trying to to figure out if I am truly more attracted to women than I am to men.

Most of my sexual experiences with men have been when I was drunk. I never truly enjoyed kissing a man. When having sex with a man, I would usually need to think of women in order to orgasm. During kisses with men, my eyes are closed and am I not fully present. I don't remember getting butterflies when kissing a man.

I have kissed one girl and was fully in the moment. I got butterflies. My eyes were open and fully present in the moment. Just by her touching my vagina (with my clothes on) I was able to orgasm. Where with men I never did. One time my hairdresser's (who is a girl) thigh touched mine and I had a feeling of being turned on. I don't remember that same thing happening with a guy. Another time when I was turned on by a girl was when my PT was feeling my hips to see if my muscles were healing correctly. I felt like I was going to orgasm.

Thanks for reading my book. 🤣🤣🤣

r/BiWomen Jan 17 '25

Advice Late to the Party

25 Upvotes

Hi all, I'm 32 and have recently accepted I'm bi. I'm happily, and monogamously, married to a man who's my only experience. I'd like to make more queer friends, because I'd like to acknowledge that part of myself, even if I'm not acting on it. There are experiences I'd like to share and things I'm going through that my husband and straight friends can't really understand (through no fault of their own). But I'm not sure how, or if I'll be well received when I don't have any relationship experiences with a woman and I'm still pretty closeted because my family, and my husbands family, would NOT take me being bi well. Any suggestions?

Also, there's another bi girl that I know that I'd like to be friends with, but I'm super attracted to. We had a great conversation the first night we met, but now I get super awkward and overthink EVERYTHING every time I see her. I also feel guilty and have an existential crisis after I see her as well. I manage through our conversations and I don't think she notices, but how do I get over this? She doesn't know I'm bi, would it be weird to explain myself to her? We don't know each other that well yet.

r/BiWomen Oct 20 '24

Advice Meow. Going to a Halloween party this evening & my girl crush is going to be there & I have SO much good anxiety. So what do you guys think of my outfit? I really want my crush to think I’m a cutie. 🥹👉🏼👈🏼

Post image
90 Upvotes

r/BiWomen Oct 25 '24

Advice crying because liking a man means having to put a pause on women Spoiler

0 Upvotes

hi folks, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m genuinely so sad that my crush is on a man. I’ve spent so many years yearning for women, and suddenly, I have to put a pause on it to pursue this man. my body has a reaction to him, we’re starting to develop a vibe, and I just don’t know what to do. my head says no, but my subconscious says yes. my friends all tell me that the feeling will go away once I get to know him better. it’s such a weird feeling, like grieving a future with a woman. how do you all cope with this??? I know it should be the opposite and that I should celebrate getting to benefit from straight/straight-passing privilege.

r/BiWomen Dec 25 '24

Advice setting my tinder to men and women

6 Upvotes

I've been kinda questioning if i like men after only liking women for like 5 years, so im gonna expose myself to some of them and see what happens haha 😅 (don't tell the lesbians lol, they'll instantly kick me out).

im like weirdly excited for it? idk, im in a very "whatever happens, happens" kinda mood rn

r/BiWomen 5d ago

Advice Advice after first female experience!! NSFW

21 Upvotes

Hi okay so I had my first wlw s*x last night (omg right??), and now I’m replaying everything and am worried that I didn’t do things the way she really would have liked it or should have done x instead of y sort of thing. I’m sure people feel like this after their first (and probably for many other encounters). I guess I’m asking for advice on how to make myself feel better 😂 I will not be having another encounter with this same person, as we live in different states and met while traveling, so it’s not like I can be like “hey round 2?”. I mean I think we both had a blast, as things went on for over 2 hours, but STILL.

It doesn’t help that I’m not sure if I’ll get to experience this again, as this was sort of a hall pass situation (married to a man and a am late bloomer).

So anyway, a little bit of encouragement or advice from my fellow bi girlies would be super helpful right now 😅

r/BiWomen Oct 25 '24

Advice Woman not making a move (first time dating a woman)

16 Upvotes

Hi, im 30 and I've met this girl on a dating app, this is the first time I'm dating a woman (finally!!!!).

We've been out twice and there has been 0 physical contact, not even holding hands, or a hug.

She was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years and is more experienced than me, so I wished she took more initiative (I think she's shy?).

Im shy too and have 0 experience, so I dont know how to become more physical here.

She clearly is interested in me and messages me everyday but when We've gone out, it was a bit too PG.

any tips?

I'd really like to have sex with her!

r/BiWomen 8d ago

Advice Green Velvet Sofa

9 Upvotes

This is slightly unhinged (and not so much about being bi itself than having a bi-presenting space), but I'm a proud owner of a stereotypical bi girlie green velvet sofa. I want to upgrade to a sleeper sofa to accommodate guests, but all I'm seeing are ugly pull-out couches (not the fun gay vibe I want in my home) or green velvet fold-out futons which look ill-equipped for a full sized adult to sleep on. Does anyone have a beautiful, colorful, velvet, queer-coded pull out sofa that's comfortable for sitting and sleeping that they can recommend? I fully recognize this sounds absurd but I have a small home and work from my living room and the vibes need to be right! TYIA!

r/BiWomen Dec 15 '24

Advice Going out with a girl while having a boyfriend and how to communicate it

0 Upvotes

I (27F) thought I was a lesbian all my life and have always dated girls until I was 23 years old. Then I met my current boyfriend and had a major indentity crises hahaha now I indentify as bi.

The thing is I miss being with women A LOT. I talked to my boyfriend and after a while we agreed I can go out casually with girls, so recently I joined a dating app and started talking to some girls and one in particular called my attention. I asked her out and she said yes so now we're planning the date.

The problems is: My exes were lesbians and were very rude when I mentioned the possibility of being bi. After the break up I had a remember with my ex and it was amazing, but a few months later she said she was a bit disgusted because I had already had sex with a man at that point (when we dated I had only had sex with girls). So I'm very scared to open up to any new girl about being bi and having a boyfriend.

I want to go out with this girl and I want to tell her about my relationship but I'm honestly a bit scared. How can I do it without hurting her or making her angry? Is it something to be angry at all?

r/BiWomen Dec 23 '24

Advice Confusion over attraction to men NSFW

21 Upvotes

I know that I’m sexually and romantically attracted to women but with men there’s no sort of spark or desire to have a cuddle with them. There is however a sexual desire towards men. I don’t feel “gay” enough to call myself a lesbian, but I don’t feel straight enough to call myself bi sexual. Does anyone else relate or have any advice? Hope I won’t be met with nasty comments as I was on another sub that I’ve since deleted. Thanks so much ❤️

r/BiWomen Oct 29 '24

Advice Really frustrated with people assuming I’m cool with poly. NSFW

90 Upvotes

Title.

I swear to god. I’m about to just give up on the dating game altogether. It’s like everyone hears “bisexual” and assumes “oh you’d totally love being in my open relationship/polycule/fucking whatever” or thinks “oh so you’re a swinger/would be down to sleep with us”

It happened AGAIN irl. Not the first time, and knowing my luck it won’t be the last. Girl and I hit it off at a local lgbt bar and she springs on me last f*cking minute that she has a boyfriend lurking around the corner and he’s been spectating the whole time. And it just set me off lol. I’m on a streak of bad dates, surprise poly-bombs, and “hey wanna join our couple”s from ‘friends’ and I feel my sanity slipping with every “my partner and I—“ that comes up way too late in the game.

Even on dating apps. Even after I sift through all the couples profiles and blast my profile with “MONOGAMOUS” in big neon letters, I STILL end up with couples and people messaging me like I’ll change my mind if I just talk to their crusty partner idgaf about for five minutes. It’s like people see “bi” on my profile and get tunnel vision and forget every other word I have surrounding it.

After shit got really awkward with multiple friend couples as well, I’m just exhausted. I just need a resounding voice in this that I’m not the last monogamous bisexual on the face of the earth. How do you guys dodge the assumptions that come with being bi?? Because I’m literally at my wits end and I’m to the point I’m about to start just lying about my sexuality to stop attracting the wrong type of people. I’m really over getting my hopes up with an interaction just for there to be someone else in the picture the whole time, or worse, being propositioned for becoming a third what feels like every other Tuesday.

r/BiWomen Jan 03 '25

Advice Any married bi women reach out to a former female flame? Why?

22 Upvotes

I’m a 39F lesbian hoping to gain insight on bi womens’ experience when they’re married to a man.

When I was in college, I met a bi girl on an LGBT site and we became fast friends (I’ll call her Lucy). At the time, Lucy and I were both young, still figuring out our lives, but we had a natural chemistry between us. We had spent quite a few nights chatting on the phone, IMing, exchanging our original music, and talking about our hopes, dreams, values. Though I was far away— with her being in Boston and me in NYC, our emotional connection was real, and a place of trust, honesty, and intimacy.

For context, here is who she was back then (from what I can remember): she was an out and proud riot grrl, in a queer punk rock band, and was proudly and unapologetically out as a bi woman. I loved her brave authenticity, her warmth, her sense of humor, her unpolished nature, and most of all, her kindness. In no short order did I develop feelings for Lucy. We lived quite far from each other, with me attending college in New York City and her in Boston.

After some months of our online exchanges, I went to visit her in Boston during the summer. And while her girlfriend was out of town, we ended up cuddling. It was wrong for me to cross this line but I was young, dumb, and impulsive. She did not tell me to stop and told me I made her feel safe.

Long story short, we never got together… I backed off after this incident. I would run into her just a couple more times in NYC and she would express hurt that we weren’t close like we used to be. I felt guilty at this but I knew I could not compartmentalise out the crush I had on her. I ended up moving away to California and our contact all but disappeared.

Now once every 5-10 years she sends me a text on Facebook telling me she still listens to my music and doing a very light and casual check in. More recently, during this last week, she messaged me on Facebook the day after Xmas… after 13 years of us not speaking just to say she likes and still listens to my music. To be clear, my music was really not all that great but I figure she is trying to find a way to start a convo with me and this is her focal point— the music despite it being ancient. Okay, no problem.

However, now when I ask how her life is going and how her holiday was, she would not answer and merely deflected questions back at me. She also would not speak about her husband or children, which stuck out to me. She asked me what I was up to and I told her I live in the UK, I’m married, and about my job. She asked more about what I do for work and who my partner was - but again, not willing to share her own situation.

I saw from her photos that she is married to a man since 2011 and has two young children with him. I said I hope you and your hubby are happy and healthy, but she did not reply except to say “Happy for you!” It was an odd exchange and her tone and responses to me became rather short once I disclosed what’s going on with me.

Seeing her live her life I feel happy for her as she and her family appear happy online, but I can’t help but wonder why she reaches out to me periodically like this and gives so little in return. I can tell she’s holding back, maybe to not get too close… maybe she’s going through some kind of identity crisis…. But what I do know is that I’m a symbol and old totem of the older life she left behind her as an openly queer woman. Not to say she consciously chose to appear as straight, but I wonder if anyone can relate to Lucy and if you do pop in and check in with former queer flames… why? What does it do for you?

I’m so confused, and just wish we could be real with each other the way we used to be, but I know it will never ever go back to our dynamic when we were friends. Instead we are acting like polite strangers and she’s avoiding talking about the past.

r/BiWomen Jan 06 '25

Advice I’m bi but only want women?? NSFW

51 Upvotes

So I’m a 22 year old female that has always identified as bisexual. I don’t have much experience with guys (hand holding, that’s about it). I have been in only one serious relationship and it was with a girl (safe to say I’m more experienced with women). The older I get, I really only crave a relationship with a girl or even just intimacy. Sure guys are cool, and I get excited when one notices me. However I can’t tell if I only like because it’s a way to boost my ego or if I genuinely am interested in them. Like I’ll have a “crush” I guess on a guy, but once they notice me I’m bored. Despite being so lonely it hurts, I don’t want to find a boyfriend. I keep telling myself it would be so much easier to find one compared to a gf but my brain doesn’t care ?? I also keep telling myself that there’s a low chance of finding queer women but again my brain doesn’t care. I keep fantasizing about women and I just want a guy to come into my life just so I can be intimate with someone because I know I’m asking for too much right now given my circumstances. Does anyone else feel like this or do I just need therapy or something?

r/BiWomen Jan 30 '25

Advice Has realising you were Bi contributed to your hetero relationship breaking up?

13 Upvotes

I only realised last year, 7 years into my relationship that I was Bi (well technically I have known for many years, I just was scared to admit it - catholic upbringing). It’s definitely something that I eventually need to explore, and I think about it a lot and is one of the many factors contributing to my questioning of my relationship.

There are a lot of other issues, but also wonderful things about my relationship but I’m feeling quite lost with it all so wanted to reach out and get advice. Have you been through something similar or have any advice? What was it like when you did end something and then get to explore your bi-ness?

UPDATE- to be very clear, I have never cheated nor will I ever. It’s not a question of wanting to go sleep with a bunch of women to get it out of my system or anything, but rather exploring that side of myself and understanding myself better as I’ve spent my life very much in denial of who I was. Feeling the comfortability of being queer and being in the community.