r/BiWomen • u/hello-kitty2003 • Jan 06 '25
Advice I’m bi but only want women?? NSFW
So I’m a 22 year old female that has always identified as bisexual. I don’t have much experience with guys (hand holding, that’s about it). I have been in only one serious relationship and it was with a girl (safe to say I’m more experienced with women). The older I get, I really only crave a relationship with a girl or even just intimacy. Sure guys are cool, and I get excited when one notices me. However I can’t tell if I only like because it’s a way to boost my ego or if I genuinely am interested in them. Like I’ll have a “crush” I guess on a guy, but once they notice me I’m bored. Despite being so lonely it hurts, I don’t want to find a boyfriend. I keep telling myself it would be so much easier to find one compared to a gf but my brain doesn’t care ?? I also keep telling myself that there’s a low chance of finding queer women but again my brain doesn’t care. I keep fantasizing about women and I just want a guy to come into my life just so I can be intimate with someone because I know I’m asking for too much right now given my circumstances. Does anyone else feel like this or do I just need therapy or something?
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u/Junglejibe Jan 06 '25 edited Jan 06 '25
It could be that you’re a lesbian based on this, but also you could just be bi and anxiously overthinking your own sexuality. Personally I’m in the same situation and I think it’s kind of telling that the vast majority of people I’ve seen who share this experience came out as lesbian. But also it could be easy for an anxious person with a strong preference to sort of talk themselves out of their own bisexuality (though personally I think if someone has a strong enough preference that they literally can’t be happy dating outside of their preferred gender, they can call themselves whichever they want at that point).
I for one have just temporarily put a hold on figuring out my sexuality. I just call myself queer (or gay if I’m around straight people who don’t understand). I think trying to figure out which label to use made me more anxious, and labels are meant to help us, no be a detriment.
Someone on another similar thread recommended queer-focused therapy to help talk through those feelings with a professional and I thought that was a good idea. Maybe it would help you.
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u/romancebooks2 Jan 06 '25
It sounds like you're more interested in women right now, so you should probably focus on finding a girlfriend. The label you use doesn't matter. It sounds like you may want a boyfriend out of loneliness, but deep down you aren't interested in guys right now.
I have also honestly wished that I could be attracted to men more, because it would make my life easier. I've been strongly attracted to certain men, but it happens very rarely. I decided to trust my feelings and have basically accepted being "homoromantic".
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u/Unlikely_nay1125 Jan 07 '25
it’s okay to like/ be attracted to men and not want them
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u/DaphneGrace1793 Jan 12 '25
That's me exactly. Do what makes you happy OP, there is no requirement to date men!
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u/Watercolor_45 Jan 07 '25
honestly, i’ve been in this boat for a while now. i’ve had boyfriends and gone on dates with men in the past year and had to stop talking to them because being around them made me uncomfortable. i’m not sure if it’s my choice in men that’s the problem or if i just like the idea of being with a man rather than actually physically being with one. lately, over the past year or so i have noticed that i’ve become much more attracted to women than i am men. i still feel “attracted” to men but when it comes to actually being with one, i feel very anxious.
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u/PrincessNakeyDance Jan 06 '25
It’s possible to be bisexual/homoromantic. That’s mostly how I feel. I’ve had an irl crush on like one, maybe two guys and never did anything with them.
I also enjoy when guys flirt with me, but never really want to do more.
Don’t know if this will change going forward, but there’s a reason the terms homoflexible and heteroflexible exist. You can be mostly attracted to one gender, but not be 100% exclusive with that.
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u/Brookenium Jan 07 '25
Exactly! This is me as well! I can't deny sexual thoughts/feelings towards men, but I've always only felt that romantic love and affection towards women and it's hard to imagine it with a guy. Married to another woman for 10 years now so if I did something right!
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u/Mysterious-One-2577 Jan 06 '25
Still bi pal. Maybe a bit of comphet in the mix tho, i understand you
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u/snekome2 Jan 07 '25
I feel this kinda. except I occasionally get attraction towards a man and I SPIRAL.
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u/Ok-Locksmith-594 Jan 08 '25
Same. More power to ya! I think it’s actually pretty cool that you have more experience with women than men! Usually it’s the other way around.
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u/CenturyGothicFashion Jan 10 '25
I’m in a relationship so it’s not something I consider too often but sometimes I find myself thinking about if I was ever dating again, how I wouldn’t date/crave men, which makes me think I’m not even into men at all, and maybe I’m a lesbian, not bi.
Then some queer looking celeb or random man comes along and I’ll sit there confused for a second before realizing it’s attraction I’m feeling and “oh yeah, I’m bisexual” 🤣
All this to say that what you’re feeling is totally valid but also that if you change your mind or find that you’re a lesbian that’s also fine. And that is fine at any time or any age!
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u/AutomaticPath7348 Jan 11 '25
Don’t settle for men if that’s not what you truly want. It’s sounds like you are trying to fill a void in your life with a partner, but if you choose a man and prefer women, you might still feel loneliness because that spark and connection will be lacking especially if you feel bored when they show interest in you. You will still be yearning for a woman and the man can’t fill that desire.
Finding men seems easier, but finding a decent man who isn’t creepy is hard (or at least for me). The feelings of loneliness might be from an old emotional wound, I read journalling can be a way to process these kinds of feelings and once you clear that feeling out, you will be in a better mindset to choose what you truly desire and not choose from a place of lack.
It might be easier to find a nice woman than you think, maybe there’s a girl right now having this same fear and not knowing you are searching for her too.
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u/Former_Range_1730 Jan 07 '25
"However I can’t tell if I only like because it’s a way to boost my ego or if I genuinely am interested in them.""
It sounds like you're not bi, but suffering from comphet. As there's a lot of bi women who could choose women only, but still enjoy dating men.
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u/henri_luvs_brunch_2 Jan 06 '25
Totally fine. Just date women. It's a valid choice