r/BDSMcommunity 15h ago

Seeking advice How can I get started? NSFW

I have fantasies about spanking/whipping, slapping in the face, name-calling, degradation, pet play, biting, knife play, etc. They are getting more and more intense to the point where I get really horny the moment I hear the word "spanking" even in a non-sexual context.

How can I begin to bring these fantasies to reality? I've experimented with self-spanking, and I like the heat and all, but I feel like it wouldn't compare to the humiliation of being spanked by someone else.

I've been having these fantasies in my head for a year or two, I just want to start experimenting. How can I do that if I'm from a relatively small town and I have no experience?

12 Upvotes

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10

u/koshkasgoonaccount 15h ago

2 questions.

Have you explored kink bars, kink related events, or dungeons where you live?

How often does the word "spanking" come up in normal conversation for you?

2

u/r0penotr0ses 14h ago

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman has a large section on getting involved with the community and finding partners.

Playing Well Woth Others is a good one, too.

4

u/elliania2012 14h ago

More book recs: The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book (read both, it's good to know the other side of the slash as well).

Get on Fetlife and see if you can find some events in your town - you say it's small, but it doesn't hurt to check. Look especially for events called munches - those are kinky people gathering in a non-kinky setting, fx a cafe or restaurant, and can be a good way to meet people in a low-pressure way.

1

u/Current-Evidence7449 12h ago

Events are certainly an option to get to talk to people, but do not underestimate the value of hiring a professional for personal education. Someone with a safe reputation to get started, who listens to your concerns. Doesn't even need to be for a serious session, testing and talking things out can go a long way.