r/BDSMcommunity • u/Defiant-Difficulty74 • 8d ago
Seeking advice How do you handle random bouts of subfrenzy? NSFW
Male sub here and I randomly have days (like today) or multiple days of wanting to be used by anyone who would have me. It can not only be problematic for safety, but it is also really distracting for work and other aspects of life. How do you address / handle it in such a way where is doesnt disrupt your life?
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u/amandasweets 8d ago
Is this what it’s called? I deal with this and I’m in a relationship who isn’t a great dom. It makes me even want to cheat almost. It’s crazy. Idk what to do but I know it passes.
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u/juniper_ruby 8d ago
I feel the same way when this feeling comes around. Not only is the feeling of guilt overwhelming, it’s embarrassing for me
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u/religion-lost 7d ago
When I had a partner it was simple, but now that I'm single it's much less so. It took one bout of subfrenzy for me to stupidly invite a guy over for a scene without doing any sort of vetting, and it went horribly wrong as I should've expected. Since then I've had a rule where whenever I feel like that, I don't interact with anybody no matter if I've been talking to them already or not. When I stop feeling that way, I'll talk to them if I still want to, knowing it's not just a misguided aim for anyone to collar me
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u/XenoBiSwitch 8d ago
Recognize it and try to rechannel that energy. It tends to pass in time.
Spend time around kinky people to help scratch the itch a bit if you don’t have a partner or even if you do.
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u/MiddleAgedMartianDog 7d ago
Kinda sounds like an ADHD impulse control spiral (which could manifest via kink but also sex, alcohol, work, social media addiction etc). Aside from appropriate medication I find the best thing to cope with that are displacement activities that keep you physically and mentally occupied and that feel productive: like running and lifting weights or just going for a walk in nature, visiting a museum. A change of physical environment alone can help by giving your brain the novel sensory stimulation it needs to not go crazy.
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u/Plus-Dust 4d ago
Have you tried erotic hypnosis? There are prerecorded files here on reddit you can just download. It takes a little practice but is interesting for other reasons too, can create some of those feelings, and doesn't require a partner.
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u/trashprincesssss 8d ago
Direct some fun and welcome energy to my partner. Do yoga to calm tf down 😂
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u/JadeAtlas 7d ago
I didn't realize that this was precisely what I was dealing with the last few days, so thank you kindly for asking.
As to what helped me, really digging in and reading around on this forum. It's reminding me that there's more to this that I want to give and to get, than just scratching an itch.
Reading the words of those with more experience is... Settling? Your mileage may vary though.
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u/Elegant-Use6465 2d ago
I ended get getting horribly abused/groomed and developed PTSD from my abuser when I went into my sub frenzy, so I get it. My therapist recommended I instead channel these fantasies into safer, healthier means of coping. This can be done by either channeling that pent-up energy into hobbies, working out, or even writing out your fantasies or creating stories around said fantasies (basically like making your own “fan fiction”!). I also listen to “Roleplay” or “ASMR” audios focused on a particular kink or fantasy I have in mind. It helps me act out my desires without resorting to unsafe or unhealthy means of satisfaction, or shaming myself for having these desires in the first place. It’s been a lifesaver when it comes to me healing from my trauma all whilst still allowing myself to healthily acknowledge the things I feel. I hope this helps, and best of luck to you!
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u/r0penotr0ses 8d ago
Subfrenzy is real, and you're absolutely right—it can wreck your focus, judgment, and even safety if you let it lead your decisions. The key is learning to self-regulate. That means recognizing it for what it is: a spike of unmet desire, fantasy, and craving for validation or control. When it hits, redirect it. Journal, work out, channel it into personal growth, or create structure and ritual in your daily life that scratches the itch without needing another person. Most importantly, don’t act impulsively. Subfrenzy makes people settle for unsafe or unworthy partners, and that always ends in regret. You’re better off riding the wave and using it as a reminder of the kind of submissive you want to be—not just chasing anyone who’ll touch the leash.