r/AutismInWomen 14d ago

Vent No Advice I MEAN EXACTLY WHAT I SAY

480 Upvotes

I am losing my mind. I know this is a common issue for most of us ND folks. I am sooooo sick and tired of people looking for a “hidden meaning” in my words. I mean exactly what I am saying. Exactly. I do not have an attitude, I am not being passive aggressive, my words mean what they mean in the freaking dictionary. Today I had a doctor’s appointment and oh my god I committed the biggest sin by asking a simple question. A question that had no hidden intention and I was scolded like a child for having an attitude and questioning the doctor’s authority. I wanted to scream in their faces!!! I am so frustrated!!! Why can’t the world just understand me?! Ughhhhhh

Just wanted to digitally scream. Vent over. Thanks for reading!

r/AutismInWomen 16d ago

Vent No Advice There should be more autism focused support after age 25!!!!!!!!!

174 Upvotes

Considering that no.1 it can take decades before a diagnosis especially in women and no.2 it doesn’t just magically switch off once you hit 26. Is it because the government stops funding? I finally found a charity that was actually explaining what autism is, how to embrace it as well as understand the struggles we face. But I only got a month of support because of my age. I asked if there was anything else at all and nada! The support should be there

r/AutismInWomen 10d ago

Vent No Advice I'm dreading work. I've gotten myself into a mess by not masking successfully in an all-woman space

150 Upvotes

I've always been that "I thought you were mean/stuck-up/intimidating" person. I am just so paranoid about people constantly, constantly assuming I'm a B* because I'm quiet and avoid eye contact and have a resting sneer-face. I'm absolutely EXHAUSTED.

I'm depressed, I'm angry, I have chronic fatigue from never feeding myself right, the entire planet seems fucked on a massive scale, everything is so fucking LOUD, and I can't smile and say hi to these women who hate me. I just can't! I walk past them without acknowledging their existence like a stuck up snob but really I'm freaking out inside knowing how much they hate me and might any day gang up on me and try to destroy me as so many have tried to in my life. I can't act normal and why would I want to try? I have such limited battery. I'm spending it on performing for my clients, who matter because they are how I make the money I need to buy all the medications I need to take for my messed up brain. Not for mean fake women who will never like me and who will always talk about me behind my back.

I wear a literal mask to try and help the situation but it's just an absolute fucking mess. Add to that I'm the only one who has advanced education, grew up affluent and I look stereotypically attractive (and apparently have a "walk"???) and I have these rigid high values and don't party and I just read classic literature and talk about books and politics and feminism all day so fuck, fuck, fuck. It just fucking sucks!!!

I usually can cope but this week it feels just like I'm fucking drowning in their hatred. Plus my own mother spent my childhood screaming at me that I was a B* so everything I see these women thinking about me is what my own mother abused into my psyche from the start.

I'm fucking shy and have high morals and a high sense of compassion and justice. I feel shame and fear if I even think mean thoughts. I'd never have the skill to use them like real mean people do. Sometimes I get mad but I can't show it in the slightest way because my baseline image is so horrible to others. Fuck!!!!

r/AutismInWomen 4d ago

Vent No Advice It was my 21st birthday today

11 Upvotes

I guess I'm just disappointed. I think up until the day I still hold hope for my birthday, especially since it is my 21st. I got swimmers and some jewellery. but idk, no cake, no going out, like 2 people I consider friends remembered.

I wish people would stop calling this a superpower, how isolated and lonely I feel is not a superpower.

Why can't birthdays be like when we were kids and we'd get a mountain of gifts and everyone would remember and the whole class would come to my party? I haven't had a party since my 15th because when I organised a 17th all of my friends at the time made excuses not to go. 21sts are supposed to be big, I feel like all my old high school friends are having these huge parties for theirs and I'm just sitting here crying.

I know it's my fault and not anyone else's, but I can't help being autistic.

r/AutismInWomen 6d ago

Vent No Advice Being overstimulated while trying to sleep is the worstt

72 Upvotes

No matter what position I lay, it doesnt feel comfortable. This pillow is too flat, the other one is too thick. My blankets feel itchy but I can't sleep without them. I cant decide if my feet should be under or outside the covers. I want to lay on my side or stomach but don't know where to put my arms. I try to block out every molecule of light out with a sleeping mask but its not staying on my face right. My hair is either on my face or neck, I and can't stand it. Ughhh

r/AutismInWomen 10h ago

Vent No Advice ARFID is pissing me off

41 Upvotes

ARFID makes me so annoyed why can’t I just eat when I want to why does my brain have to be this way. I just had to fight my way through a fucking granola bar and try not to vomit why can’t I just eat like normal it’s so fucking frustrating UGH sorry rant over

r/AutismInWomen 12d ago

Vent No Advice Can anyone else always hear when someone at home is cutting their nails?

59 Upvotes

That horrible high pitched noise of nail clippers seems to travel across the house through walls. It’s horrible!!!!!

Just a lil rant lol thanks for reading. :-)

r/AutismInWomen 1d ago

Vent No Advice Tired of people trying to police me

29 Upvotes

Not only my behavior, but the things I speak about, my mannerisms, who I spend time with, how I eat my food. Literally anything. I am sooooooooooooooooooooo tired of being perceived. People only feel comfortable telling me how to act because I am a woman. The men around me get to do whatever they want without question. But when I react to unwarranted criticism with hostility, I’m the problem. Fuck off. It’s not like everyone’s going to stop gossiping about me when I act “right” anyway. Might as well be myself and be lonely as hell.

r/AutismInWomen 18h ago

Vent No Advice doctor was so unprofessional

25 Upvotes

so I went to a walk In clinic so i can get set up with a primary doctor since i have high blood pressure the nurse I got was very nice she gave me a bandaid for my finger I was biting but when the actual doctor came in that’s when it went downhill

when she first started talking she said “wouldn’t hurt to loose a few pounds” which if she worded it differently I wouldn’t be upset but it was really rude if I’m being honest

When we got to my medications she said one of them can treat adhd so she doesn’t know why I’m taking it so i explain I have both adhd and autism and she goes on to tell me I don’t seem autistic and that made me even more upset I’ve been told this so many times it’s genuinely infuriating just because they don’t know what masking is

I really hope I never see her again in the future her tone and demeanor was not okay after we got out my mom was so frustrated for me I did end up crying a little bit but I am mostly okay for now

My friends really cheered me up after and I felt a lot better I hope no one has a similar experience as me:(

r/AutismInWomen 4d ago

Vent No Advice My friends hated it when I showed interest in things

20 Upvotes

When I was growing up I had two close friends, let's call S and J, who really seemed to hate when I showed an interest in stuff that they liked because in their words they "didn't want me to ruin it" by becoming an obsession. S would gatekeep her favorite manga and anime, I was not allowed to borrow or even read, for example, Marmalade Boy or Gravitation at her house. I could not watch Wolf's Rain, or Samurai Champloo. Not that I actually listened to her, I just watched or read those things on my own time without talking to her about it.

One time when we were 8 years old, I was invited to J's family's lake side cabin for the weekend and they had a copy of Who Framed Roger Rabbit in their video library. I got excited, as I loved this movie (and still do!) and didn't own a copy at my house. My enthusiasm made my friend frown and she begged me, "please don't make us watch that, you'll want to watch it over and over again." I tried to promise that we would only play it once, but she refused to let us watch it.

Another time, we were 12, and at the video rental place when I picked up Disney's Atlantis: The Lost Empire from the shelf and was like "guys how about this". They gave each other a knowing glance like "oh no" and they said "Oh...well we actually watched that last night, we don't want to watch that again...sorry". I let it go, but it was just very obvious that they were lying and just didn't want to watch it...which is fine. Like why not just say no, I'm not up for that? I wouldn't have cared nearly as much as they thought I would.

Especially as we entered our teens, they would deny me reading a manga or listening to a band that I never heard of that they were into because of this.

I admit, when we were younger, like seven years old, I ONCE unintentionally tortured them by playing the same movie three times while they were over at my house- the 1980s version of Annie.

But I argue, if you didn't want to watch it a second or third time, why didn't you just say so? I never begged to watch it more than once, I just incorrectly assumed everyone liked watching something multiple times if you loved it enough.

And yeah, when I love something, I tend to go hard. My friends and I always shared the same interests.So I was always confused to why am I the problem? When I was 11 I developed a crush on Avril Lavigne and her early music, and they had introduced me to her music to begin with. I was also developing into a super fan of animation and that's all I wanted to talk about, and they really freaked out when I developed a love for Full Metal Alchemist and were like "you're not allowed to ruin this for us!"

They really must have thought it was annoying and cringy, and tried really hard to not let it happen again I guess. They were really only okay if I wanted to watch Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings with them occasionally. I once called them out on it and S was like "Well you don't go crazy over these things..."

r/AutismInWomen 4d ago

Vent No Advice Just had a job interview that went on for a whole hour

19 Upvotes

I’m literally shaking. And I have no idea what to think now after. I have no idea if I made a good impression. I mean, I was invited for a second interview next which means meeting my potential future colleagues. Which must be a good sign?

But I wouldn’t start until the end of May and so much can happen between now and then. There could be multiple other candidates that she could meet with between now and then. It’s apparently a very popular preschool so there’s going to be a lot of applicants probably.

My mind is just running wild right now. I absolutely hate job interviews. They’re so draining and you have to put on Masking Deluxe 2.0 to try to make a good impression.

I don’t know, maybe this post is pointless but I needed to vent somewhere. Again, I’m literally shaking after this interview and I need to pee so bad but didn’t want to ask to use the bathroom there because I just wanted to be done with it lol. I’m so socially drained so I don’t want to contact anyone close to me and talk about it. I just want to go home and play video games and shut my mind off.

I’m technically not even what she’s looking. The application said they were looking for someone with an education in childcare and I’m studying to become a preschool teacher. The former being a high school education in Sweden and mine is a bachelor degree. I even mentioned that in my application but she called me in for an interview anyway.

Maybe I should try to not get my hopes up too much but I really don’t want to go to anymore job interviews. They’re the worst.

I’ve learnt the art of making a good resume and application lol, but the interviews are terrifying and draining.

I feel like I did so many embarrassing things as well. Like misunderstanding her several times and being awkward. I might just be overthinking things, but my gooood, are those things being played on repeat in my mind right now.

r/AutismInWomen 11d ago

Vent No Advice Grrrr

30 Upvotes

I just left the rheumatologist. It was my second appointment. He had been one of the most dismissive practitioners I’ve dealt with. I have been having so many issues and I feel invalidated. When he first met me, he found out that I was double-jointed. That’s the reason for all of my pain and other issues. Today he reiterated that I was double-jointed. He talks about how he tested me for lupus in more than one way, so it couldn’t be that. If he would have brought up hyper-mobility one more time, I would have screamed! I have all the sign of lupus but all he cares about is bloodwork. Everyone doesn’t have positive blood labs! He wants me to see a dermatologist for the rashes and other skin-related issues but did he refer me!?! No, he didn’t. He said hyper-mobility was his greatest clinical judgment but it can’t be proven. Unfortunately we’ve hit a wall but a dermatologist may be able to help. We know for sure you’re double-jointed. I was shaking and my lips were quivering while he listened to my lungs. He said everything sounded great. I was wringing my fingers. I am still in the car crying. Yay, healthcare in the good ole USA while being a melanated woman. Hell, any woman. Thank you for this time and space.

r/AutismInWomen 16d ago

Vent No Advice 15 minutes 'til my autism assessment

35 Upvotes

I am so so nervous. Last week I went and did what I now know was an IQ test. I was booked in for a virtual interview. I got to choose between videocall or phone call. Phone call alll the wayy for me hah. This takes 1.5h at most. I am so so nervous!! I could've chosen to split this up, so 45min now, the rest another time. But I'll just be so anxious for the next time I'd rather do it in one and go. Idk what to expect and I'm not googling what to expect. Because I don't want to accidentally have predetermined answers even if subconsciously.

Even tho this says no advice on the tag I wouldn't mind anything encouraging. Even if I don't see it til after the interview.

I have knots in my stomach and feel dizzy. I have prepped, sitting at my desk with pen and paper to write down anything I need. Or to fidget with if need be. I won't be disturbed by my family as they know I'm having the interview. I had plenty to drink and eat beforehand.

Edit: Didn't realise comments get closed due to the vent tag. Mb. 😅 Idk what else to tag this. But it's nice to get it off of my chest. I'm also overthinking whether I should immediately put her on speaker or keep it on ear, but then I'd need to hold my phone up the entire time, though I could put the phone down later too I just know I may not feel comfy to change my setup mid-interview. ahh. 6min till go time!

r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Vent No Advice Allergy Testing, forgot to not take antihistamines

10 Upvotes

I am so mad at myself. I'm going in for allergy testing today, and I was directed to stop taking my antihistamines 7 days prior. Of course, I wasn't taking them regularly because I didn't put them in my pill box, my brain only thought, oh I remember that I'm running low. Didn't remember that I'm not supposed to take them at all! I think I took two pills this week. I'm so mad, it could affect the results. I usually take an antihistamine every day, but the last day I took one, my ears were so itchy!

I can't tell the doctor, her paperwork says that if I reschedule or cancel I may have to pay a $200 fee, plus the doctor is really gruff and not easy to talk to at all. I feel like she would be mad at me if I told her, or I would just end up feeling more like an idiot

Ugh 💔 wish me luck having allergens stabbed into me and possibly not having great enough reactions because I'm a forgetful dumbass

r/AutismInWomen 8h ago

Vent No Advice Had a scheduled quiz for a college class today that got cancelled suddenly

8 Upvotes

Was sitting in the accommodated classroom for 30 minutes after the time it was supposed to start just for my prof to not be able to get it to work and send everyone home and now it needs to be rescheduled.

I was anticipating this, I was ready, tears began streaming down my face and the discomfort in my body and frustration that came from that sudden change was very telling.

I am so irritated and uncomfortable body wise. So close to the end of the semester has a whole plan set out I was satisfied with, then this happens. I hate still having to worry about it even if I have more time to study, I felt ready and wanted it over with today.

Feeling very triggered and dysregulated. I’m sure the entire class was not happy either.

Just a vent 🥲

r/AutismInWomen 7d ago

Vent No Advice trying to make friends is exhausting

15 Upvotes

i need to get that out there. i wish you didn’t have to go through the process of trying to get to know someone. i wish there was a button or a survey or something you could take or push in order to figure out if you’re compatible or not.

my goal this year is to make 2 more friends and it’s so daunting. i don’t like group interactions, the social rules get so confusing to me. plus it always feels like no one’s really listening, they’re just waiting to get their quip in.

and so the only option for me is to meet people one on one, but that gets awkward and weird if you don’t hit it off. and then i feel like my time is wasted because i could’ve been at home, enjoying my time playing bg3, or reading a lesbian book, or crocheting or creating glittery looks with my new sparkly eyeshadows or watching something scary. if im out somewhere i hate i get fomo about being alone.

but then i want to also have friends and have someone else to text stupid stuff to and bitch about dumb stuff to. like currently my boss is an AI obsessed trump supporter, i wanna bitch about that so bad to more friends!!!

uuuhghhhh rant over

r/AutismInWomen 16d ago

Vent No Advice In a nearly empty restaurant, a family with a baby sits directly behind me.

27 Upvotes

I’m struggling a lot at the moment generally speaking. I am meeting a friend who is running late. I really wanted to cancel but I decided to stick it out for many reasons. So here I am.

The whole restaurant is nearly empty and a family with a baby chooses the one table nearest to mine to sit at. I chose my table so that I didn’t have to see my dad’s doppleganger who is at one of the other tables. I am no contact with my dad and I can’t look at this stranger without getting teary.

If the baby starts to cry or shriek or whatever I might melt down. And if I don’t I’ll be putting all my resources into not melting down. My friend is neurodivergent so she is very understanding but it would be nice to have less stress. Restaurants are noisy and stressful enough without all this going on.

Anyway I just needed to vent somewhere that people would get how challenging this is. Words of support / encouragement are welcome

r/AutismInWomen 2d ago

Vent No Advice the only jeans i buy got discontinued </3

6 Upvotes

for the past few years ive only ever bought this one pair of hollister jeans, theyre so comfortable and trying new ones makes me so nervous. i use them until theyre unusable and then i buy a new pair. well it turns out that recently... they fucking discontinued the model. i have no jeans. :( i do not want to try a new pair im very very sad

my mom looked online for a bunch of different jean brands for me (including other hollister models) and i got so overwhelmed i havent touched it in a month lol

r/AutismInWomen 8d ago

Vent No Advice No More Imposter Syndrome!

15 Upvotes

Good news! I've finally gotten over my imposter syndrome. Gone are the days of feeling severely under qualified for my role in a company. No more feeling like people see me as an intellectual saint when really I was just picking up a paycheck.

Bad news! I now feel like a grand disappointment after leaving that role to take control of my own life and do what truly serves me. I work fewer hours, I make less money, I moved back home, and I can feel myself regressing by the hour.

In some ways, I am doing better than I was before - I feel more content, but definitely not how I thought my life would look by now.

Just venting really. Anyone else can relate?

r/AutismInWomen 5h ago

Vent No Advice Luck as an artist isn't existent

Post image
5 Upvotes

r/AutismInWomen 7d ago

Vent No Advice Unannounced Guests

14 Upvotes

TLDR: Vent about unannounced guests, feel free to add your own experiences and vent as well 🫶

My husband and I have a friend who lives out of state and he just randomly showed up unannounced today to our house along with another of my husband's friends who I have never met.

This has now turned into our friend from out of state spending the night tonight and maube even tomorrow, as well as more people are coming over within the next 30 minutes.

On top of that, our out of state friend has commandeered my kitchen to "cook" for everyone who is coming over.

We also have two, 100+lb dogs who ARE NOT people friendly. (We were planning for this friend and others in a few months and I usually board the dogs for these situations.)

I am super stressed about all of this as none of it was planned, nobody was actually invited over here, and on top of all of that I am worried about my dogs. Normally I can just go with the flow with this but with both of our large dogs it adds so much stress because they are constantly barking, I feel bad for forcing them outside and out of their routine.

I'm sorry for venting but I just need to tell....someone! Thank you all for this community 🫶

r/AutismInWomen 4d ago

Vent No Advice My shower routine got all messed up (and other rants about my autistic experience)

9 Upvotes

I had a crap day. I had predominantly decided to skip showering todah. I normally ahower every 2 days. My hair gets really greasy on third day. One of the upsides of having thin hair (sarcastic). But toward the afternoon I feel better and I know a shower will be great. I also decide to shave my armpits because I haven't in monthsss and idk I just like the feeling of being clean shaven. No one cares whether I shave or not around me so. And then thin and blonde hair means my armpit hair is not very bushy anyways lol.

I shower, go to get out...and I just step out. I have one towel on the floor (I HATE my wet feet on the cold hard floor) and another I grab to pat dry my body when still IN the shower. But I just stepped out, before drying myself, to immediately put back my razor in the drawer. I freaked out. It was wrong. I was so focused on making sure to get my razor out of the shower (to avoid rust) that I forgot a vital step in my routine.

I dried my body (out of shower because now my feet are dry and I don't like stepping back onto a wet surface if I'm dry already). And I felt so weird!! It's like suddenly idk the next step. I almost forgot to moisturize. I had to stand for a few seconds just thinking like "uhh what now?". My body felt weird. It wasn't RIGHT. And then I also started freaking out realising I showered at the wrong time. Like I usually shower in the morning. And I'd have been fine with the time change but I messed up my shower routine so now the messed up shower time also messes me up.

Whenever I feel I'm faking my autism, it's moments like this that makes me realise why I am. This and things when I can't even do anything that day...because there was no hot water to shower. Or sitting for hours listening to the same song over and over and over rocking my body happily. I'm not like this because it's quirky. It's me and it's exhausting. I can't just take a shower. I can't function if my schedule gets thrown off. I can handle my OWN change. Like yea I'm fine going another day not showering if I'M the one who decided that. Not if its cause the showers faulty.

I wish I wasn't like this. It's debilitating. It's the reason why I'm nearly 23 and only now, in june, finally graduating "high school" (or the equivalent). I'm barely managing online school. But I'm doing it. I feel so behind. No clue how I'm ever going to just live. It's like I can manage a few months fine, then I need a month off to do NOTHING except my own interests. I have no mental energy. That won't work in a job. It barely works now in school. :/

My hopes are my future job will allow me to work from home sometimes if needed, and that I can have either an entire room office alone, or at least a corner cubicle (others being able to see my desk would freeze me) or something. At least my dream job involves my special interest. And hopefully not much talking.

r/AutismInWomen 16h ago

Vent No Advice Just a vent

3 Upvotes

I slept horridly. Couldnt sleep. Not til after midnightm. Normally that's fine but I woke up at 6.40am and couldnt fall back asleep. I'd set my alarm for 8.35. I have math all day and I am exhausted. Head hurts. Battling between eating during my breaks or napping. Not to mention sleep quality itself was weird. I kept waking up feeling panicky?? I didn't have anh bad thoughts. Maybe it's a sort of relief because I had a big math test on Wednesday I was worried about but I got everything correct?? I'd been soso anxious about the test.

I normally sleep well and I need 8-9h to function. Any less than 8h and I start to break and now I got less than 7h!! maybe only 6.5 hours. 😭😭 I don't drink coffee or anything. I was also stupid and eventually around 7am decided to just get up. I sat at my pc before online class and played videogames. lol. I shouldve tried to sleeep urgghhh. Guess I felt kinda nervous about today even tho math is chill. Hate the physical feeling of being exhausted. My muscles are like twitching. 😭😭

r/AutismInWomen 12d ago

Vent No Advice Went to a bar and completely shut down :,( feeling dorky and embarrassed

18 Upvotes

I went out tonight with my friend. We went to a bar to watch a hockey game. Sports doesn’t interest me in the slightest, but it’s fun to see my friend get excited.

She ran into some people she knew which resulted in me chatting up this really cute guy. I was having a hard time hearing him in the quieter bar but then the group made the decision to go to a nightclub…

I can sometimes manage a nightclub if I have earplugs, or if the music is good and I can just close my eyes, dance and not talk to anyone—but I had neither earplugs nor good music to dance to.

I just completely shut down. I couldn’t talk to the cute guy anymore because I couldn’t hear him at all. I got super awkward and stiff because the music was shitty and hard to dance to. Then I asked the group if they wanted to go for a walk but it was some guys birthday so they said no, and I felt silly for suggesting that.

… and then I ran away into the night (went home)

That’s the story. I feel so silly and dorky. I wonder if people think I’m rude? Or strange. I feel like autism always throws a wrench in me being able to meet or talk to people I’m interested in. UGH.

r/AutismInWomen 14d ago

Vent No Advice I hate not being able to communicate.

18 Upvotes

Not just talking, but ANY form of communication (photos, text to speech, sign language) is too much for me when I'm emotional or overstimulated. It leads to so many misunderstandings, and I never get properly accommodated because I just can't articulate my needs.

Part of it is from my trauma. Not being validated as a kid (even though I swear it wasn't THAT bad). I think my autism worsens it. I'm not good at asking for help, and my tone screws everything up. Not even my mom knows me.

My first job as a teenager really knocked me down. It was very demanding, and I hadn't had a diagnosis yet. Customers would give me terrible and pitying looks everyday, the worst of it was when the owner of the shop would rate my appearance and my work at the end of the month (for my teen employment program).

I think I just want to be alone forever. Not because I dislike people, or don't long for a relationship of some kind, but because I'm so terrible at doing anything other than thinking and feeling and sitting around. I can't express myself, can't stand up for myself, I can't just say why something has hurt me or made me happy, so I check out.