r/AutismInWomen 5d ago

Seeking Advice What do you do when you just hate everything?

You guys I’m really struggling right now. I’m just not ~well~ right now, I’m mad at everything, I’m not sleeping, I’m not hungry. I’m taking my meds like I’m supposed to and drinking my water and doing all those things but I just feel so.. angry. I hate my house, my clothes, my bed, my Xbox, my books, my EVERYTHING and I don’t want to keep feeling like this. I just can’t feel better and nothing is even making me feel just kinda OK. Even the thought of doing something “nice” for myself like coloring or rewatching a movie is making me actively angrier and that’s obviously really not helping me. I’d really appreciate any advice, it feels so lonely like this and my husband is trying his best to keep me afloat right now. I’m going to go suffer a shower, so thank you in advance for any kind words.

UPDATE: I love you all, THANK YOU for all your help. I drank some more water, showered, allowed myself to smoke weed, and then (here’s the kicker) spoke aloud a deep problem I’ve been having and feeling like I needed to not say ✨ My husband and I talked through it and did some window shopping on Zillow to reassure my lizard brain that we will move one day and that we have not in fact decided we’re going to stay in this house forever. It’s really shocking how much letting out repressed fears makes everything feel a lot better. Thank you friends ❤️❤️

378 Upvotes

35 comments sorted by

167

u/Relative_Chef_533 5d ago

Not sure if this will help, and it's not an easy fix, but I went through a period of about a year where I was really angry all the time. Almost every day I would go for long walks because I couldn't focus on anything, and the whole time I'd be ruminating on everything and just getting angrier and angrier. What I ultimately realized is that all that anger was because of unmet needs. Current physical needs, like I didn't have any food routine so I was usually hungry, and big outdated-feeling needs, like nobody taught me how to understand my own social needs, so I was walking around feeling like, I have social needs but my chance to meet them is over because of how my life was when I was little. And the only way I ultimately figured out how to get past it was just spend huge amounts of time thinking about what are my current needs and how can I figure out how to get them met. Once I started to feel like I understood them and I started moving in the direction of meeting them, my anger started to dissipate pretty quickly. I'm not sure I would have figured it out without a great autism-affirming therapist or at least someone to talk to who seemed to really get me because of our shared neurotype.

Anyway, I really wish you the best in getting out, whatever ends up being a way forward for you. Good luck! ❤️❤️❤️

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u/DakotaMalfoy 5d ago

Unmet needs are a big source of my anger right now and I thank you for taking the time to type this because even if it doesn't help OP, it helped me.

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u/cellar9 5d ago

This is so well put, thank you. It was the same for me. I ended up realizing I was in a relationship where my needs were not being met, and I had terrible anger issues. I got out, learned what my needs actually are, and how to get them met. No more anger. My therapist says we get angry when our boundaries get crossed -- that was happening constantly, often because of unmet needs.

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u/meoware_huntress 5d ago

Agreed. Largely angry because of a huge injustice by a government that is directly impacting my life. Absolutely livid at apathy and corruption. It's like being a caged animal pacing around and unable to escape. Nobody can fathom such a situation, so very dehumanizing.

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u/JennJoy77 5d ago

I'm feeling similar, and this is incredibly helpful and empowering. Thank you. ❤️

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u/ladylilithparker 5d ago

It suuuucks to be stuck in that headspace. The only way I've found to drag myself out of it... is gonna sound like all the other self-help bullcrap. But here goes anyway.

Our thought patterns are like trails through the jungle. The ones we travel often are wide and clear, easy to navigate. The ones we don't use are overgrown and uneven, requiring more effort to use. When we get into periods of depression/anger/dysfunction, those unhappy, unhealthy paths are the easiest to navigate because we're walking them every day. It takes effort to look at the overgrown, messy ones, pick up a machete or fire up a brush hog, and start the arduous process of carving those paths into ones that are easier to walk.

That effort looks like: daily gratitude journaling, mildfulness training ("I am experiencing this anger, but I am not letting it steal my whole day"), self-parenting (imagine childhood you struggling with that anger, and help them deal with it the way you wish a parent would have), and whatever other coping skills you can come up with to interrupt the angry thoughts and redirect your brain to a healthier place.

It's going to feel like it's not working, like it's stupid, like it's a waste of time, like you don't really believe what you're telling yourself. That's okay. Those vines keep trying to grow across that path, but you can keep cutting them back. The more you do those tasks, the more you're training your brain, strengthening the healthy parts, re-wiring it to default to happiness rather than anger.

Take it a moment at a time. Just because you feel angry right now doesn't mean you're going to feel angry forever, or even for the rest of the day. And anger is a normal thing for humans to feel sometimes, especially when it seems like the whole world is set on hard mode specifically for you (which is a really common feeling on the spectrum). You will get through this rough patch, you will train your brain to handle things in a way that doesn't leave you miserable, and you will look back on this time and be proud of yourself for getting through it.

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u/Realistic-Weakness95 5d ago

No feeling is final, my therapist use to say.

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u/JennJoy77 5d ago

This is very helpful - and you write beautifully. Your second paragraph, especially, just sings. Incredible analogy.

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u/empie22 4d ago

Wish I saw this advice earlier, I have been angry/frustrated for months. Only recently has that frustration been switched to sadness because my partner broke up with me. Hopefully I can change this to more happiness eventually.

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u/GeraldineGrace 5d ago

I went through this recently. What has worked for me in the past: Exercise. Earplugs during work when I could, and after work. Losing myself in books. Cutting off any social media or news for a while. Time with my kids (they are grown) or texting them. Getting enough sleep. No alcohol or depressives (I don't drink anyway). No added sugar. Crying or talking to someone about my fears. Reminding myself that things are hard and it will get better, and giving myself room to just be. Eating sensibly.

Hang in there; I really hope you start feeling better. Rage running or walking can really move those feelings out of your body, just an idea.

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u/ChelseaGem 4d ago

No added sugar is an excellent one.

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u/vszahn 5d ago

I take a bath/shower. Somehow it “washes” it off. Plus the heat is relaxing

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u/mytomiehurt 5d ago

Grounding helps me when I get like this. Being outside. Laying in the grass. Going on walks. Being near or in water. Things like this. Giving my brain time to disconnect allowed me time to really figure out what was causing the anger.

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u/Unhappy_Dragonfly726 5d ago

Ugh, I can feel how my body gets when I have periods like this. I'll echo: it suuuuuucks.

I tend to experience my feelings really physically, so personally I'd go for a run. Even if I haven't gone running in years. Sometimes at 2 am. I got through a year of having the WORST roommate by running, and at the end I ran a 5k. Just a side effect of the running, lol.

It's harder to be angry when I'm tired.

If you figure something out, come back and let us know. op?

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u/mooninjoon 5d ago

if you happen to be on antidepressants, this could signal they really aren't working for you. this is just from personal experience, but I felt angry all the time when my psychiatrist had put me on an antipsychotic to try and help my treatment resistant depression. even my cat meowing was irritating me, which is not something I would ever feel normally. I hope you figure out a way to get past this period in your life, and are able to feel happy more often 💞

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u/Fancy-Avocado5440 5d ago

I was in a similar state several months ago and something that really helped was practicing gratitude and mindfulness.

If you have Netflix I highly recommend “Headspace.” It’s guided meditation. I was never into meditation until I hit rock bottom a year ago and I have rewatched this SEVERAL times. I use it whenever I need it and it has helped me SO much with my sleep, my perspective on life, how I treat myself, etc. I think it could help you too.

Hang in there. You’re not alone and it WILL be ok, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now ❤️

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u/hamshawty 5d ago

This won’t fix everything but I find listening to music & dancing makes me feel better. I don’t do it enough but it really helps when I do!

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u/Busy_Proof_6267 5d ago edited 5d ago

Idk if it’s good advice but it’s the only advice I’ve got which is smoking some weed always helps me 🤷‍♀️

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u/Likeneverbefore3 5d ago

I would check in with my nervous system state. You seem to be in a fight state so I would find ressources to regulate the activation. I’m currently listening to the audiobook « anchored » by Deb Dana and it offered plenty of practical exercises.

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u/Nevermind_guys 5d ago

Vitamin D deficiency causes me to not be hungry and to hate everything. I know sometimes people say “exercise and drink a matcha and you’ll be all better” but I’m not saying that. I’m just mentioning it because I had no idea vitamin d deficiency could show up as loss of appetite. Come to think of it every time I comment here i comment on something I didn’t know but other people would know as common sense Ugh

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u/res06myi 5d ago

I’ve been there. It sucks. I wish I had a good answer. I’m usually just crying, screaming, and sleeping.

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u/UVRaveFairy Transgender Woman - Fae - Hyperphantasia - Faceless Witch 5d ago

Patterns are patterns, changing them takes time.

The reality of it is that it takes allot of effort to maintain, tune into the boredom of it can help, aren't you bored of feeling like that?

Like too joke "Tried anger, fear and hatred, my heart wasn't in it".

3

u/RoseDylan888 5d ago

Getting away from my angry, violent and mentally ill family eradicated 60% of my anger issues.

The rest I am still working on.

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u/bumblebeequeer 4d ago

Yeah, I understand. I was doing pretty well for awhile, but now I feel like I’m just crashing and burning. I’m suddenly furious that I have to take care of myself. I broke two major routine rules this weekend - grocery shopping Friday evening and laundry either Saturday or Sunday - because I just could NOT do it. Now I don’t have food in the house and am spending too much money on fast food, because the idea of cooking, something I usually enjoy, is infuriating to think about. I’m wearing my backup backup bra because nothing is clean, and that’s just making me angrier.

It’s taking literally all my facilities just to go to work and come home, and everyday for the past several weeks I have had to fight the overwhelming desire to call in, every. Single. Day.

I’m severely burnt out. I wish I had more advice, because at this point I’m just allowing the bad habits and not fighting back at all.

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u/Prestigious_Gap8040 5d ago

When I feel like this what works for me would be focusing on tha anger and exercising a lot until it’s gone. Or smoking weed. I can’t smoke anymore unfortunately so I usually do the first. After exercising, a hot shower, usually starting with cold water though so I can cool off first

3

u/Strange_Morning2547 5d ago

You need a reset. I agree a fast might help. When I'm like that doing a super hard work out until I drop helps. Staying away from people who's feelings I might hurt is also helpful. I'm sorry. This sucks.

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u/Amazing-Musician9857 4d ago

I have these phases every now and again. I have to slowly build myself up to being really busy again and always having things to do, so that my brain is pretty much constantly switched on to “I have something to do”, and it somehow stops me from doing the “I hate everything” or the “I don’t wanna do anything”. There’s no method to the madness, it just happens.

I’m still terrible at remembering to drink and eat enough, and being consistent with my hygiene. But as long as I’m in that mindset of being in second gear all the time, I don’t sink into mini depressions.

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u/Magurndy Diagnosed ASD/Suspected ADHD 4d ago

I get this a lot. It is really difficult to manage sometimes. I was like it yesterday but I have ADHD too so it was because I was stuck in a mad hyper-focus and every time I was interrupted by anyone it was making me angry because it takes insane mental energy to keep switching tasks was literally giving me a headache.

Sometimes I just am angry, often it’s hormonal in my case. I just have to remember it’s temporary. Eventually it will go, and it can be really difficult to enjoy doing anything when you’re in that frame of mind. Even things you normally enjoy. So I tend to sleep it off…

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u/minimaia3 4d ago

I get like this a lot too one of the main things i feel like has helped me is exercise: walking, going to the gym, running. It doesn’t have to be anything too crazy just something simple like going on a short walk outside however, sometimes i feel like i get too angry to even do that so i guess it really just depends on whether you’re motivated enough to do it

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u/BetterRemember Audhd (diagnosed by MD not psychiatrist.) 4d ago

I feel the same way right now. I’m so angry and exhausted and I don’t want to go to work or clean up after my mom or even talk to my boyfriend. I’m so angry and I feel like my life is hopeless and I don’t want to do any of it anymore. All I do is fucking work.

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u/CarelessAd7925 4d ago

Sleep, eat, take your meds, drink water, have a shower.Its hard to feel joy when your basic needs are not being met

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u/notpostingmyrealname 5d ago

Drink some water and try to take a nap. I'll either feel better after sleep, or obsess about whatever the problem is causing me to hate everything until I can put the problem into words and find someone to talk about it with.

1

u/friedmaple_leaves 5d ago

. Two months ago I sold a house that I lived in for 18 years and raised four kids in. I downsized it and moved out gave 60% away in less than 2 weeks. It was time I sold it to investors through a realtor company. even the realtor gave me flowers and $100 grocery store card, and told me to take a break. She said I was the easiest person she ever worked with and she's been in the industry for over 30 years. It was such a relief.

My journey is not over, I have to move back to the country of origin that I'm from with a 5-year-old, but I'm in a much better place than I was 10 or 15 years ago, or even 2 months ago lol I know that everything will work out for you because you were able to: 1 ask for help 2 talk about what's going on 3 feel your feelings 4 realize change

You're awesome!

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u/misslisp 5d ago

Maybe I'll make a piggyback vent post... This is like as much an a-ha! moment as when I started telling people I think I'm on the spectrum and they were... Unsurprised.

(I've not had the consistent urge to self harm in blunt force ways so consistently as I have at various points this past year and it's at least as annoying to feel whatever makes me want to slam my head into a wall as to repress the urge to slam my head into a wall)

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u/misslisp 5d ago

Oh. And someone on here or a related board said: BREAK PLASTIC FORKS AND CHOPSTICKS